would you bu if you made a 12 year old clean up their own vomit?

[captainproton]

Child wakes up and vomits on his own bed and carpet in the middle of the night. Would you make them clean it up with no assistance from a parent, when said child is being repeatedly sick? The bouts of sickness have been ongoing for a couple of weeks now and seem to come on with no warning. Child is going to the doctor about it but mum has had enough of cleaning up sick, can't say I'd be too thrilled about it either.

I don't think it's unreasonable to get them to help out once they are better but if they are not well would you make them do it?

By the way I am not the child's parent. This happened to a colleague's son and she made them clean it up. There have been some jovial discussions here about whether or not she is a strict mum. I fall into the, 'would clean it up for them category'. I had an abusive mother and a weird upbringing, I would have been made to clear up my own sick after receiving a load of abuse. I don't know what is the normal thing to do. I assume there is an age when they have to do it for themselves, but is 12 too young?

I'm asking because I think I am in danger of babying my children when they are older owing to a rubbish childhood and I don't want to smother them. So when I hear of situations like this I am trying to work out what is the right thing to do.

This is without a doubt the most unanimous thread I've ever seen. Obviously I agree and like others I have stories of vomiting myself while clearing up my children's vomit.

But for your colleague I think you need to offer more practical support. Glad she has been persuaded to take the child to the doctors. What we do when the kids have a sick bug is put them on the blow up bed (which is plastic so easy to clean) in our bedroom (which has bare floorboards so again easier to keep clean than a room with a carpet) so we can hear the early signs of vomiting. Like PPs have said, we have a sickbowl (with a small amount of dettol in to bottom which helps reduce the vomit smell) on the floor next to the bed. We have a nightlight on so the child can see well enough to aim for the bowl. So suggest all these kind of practical things so it's easier for her to clean up the sick. Does she have any family close by who could help out so she could get a night's sleep so she feels more up to dealing with the vomit? She has either had an abusive childhood herself so she doesn't realise this is wrong or she is just so overwhelmed by the situation that she's not thinking straight.

Both DS2 and I get bouts of asthma (usually following a cold) where we'll cough at lot a night and then throw up as a result. We have bowls, if DS2 is sick into the bowl he'll get up and empty it himself - if he missed I'd expect him to come get me and we'll sort it out between us. Even after all these years and the fact he's not ill as such, I'd still never abandon him if he needed me. Your colleague is not helping him by doing this.

No way, I clean it because

A: I'm the mum
B: My child is poorly
C: I'm not a horrible arse

A drunk teenager, certainly, but not a child.

Seems very harsh to me - it's what Mums do when their kids are ill

And dads. And of course one would sick proof the room as much as possible with bowls/buckets.

I didn't have the joy of cleaning up after a drunk teenager but even then I think I'd help.

The only time I wouldn't clean up my child's sick was if it was drink induced, or ate SOME DOG POO from the floor to impress friends

Please tell me your 17 year old did not eat dog poo.

My God, I would be frantic with worry about a brain tumour if my child was sick in the night that much! That is so outside anything you could describe as normal. I really hope the poor boy is not seriously ill .

dog poo!!!

I've just been sick at that will someone please come clean up for me!

In all seriousness, what a dreadful woman she must be to be so unfeeling and detached about her child being repeatedly ill. I have been there and was worried sick. DD was finally diagnosed with coeliac disease.

Even if it's all in his head, as she thinks, he is clearly very very anxious about something to be making himself ill, and therefore still needs a lot of love and help. Who would do that deliberately, for the fun of seeing their mother inconvenienced?

Oh dear even if my son was 16 or even 18 it's really shit when your ill and my husband clears mine when I am ill drunk

I don't think anyone should clean their own sick up if there is another adult around to help. I definitely wouldn't expect a child to do it

That child will have ishooz me finks.

Children dont just vomit in the night for no reason. They dont.

All sorts of things come up if you google "child vomiting at night in sleep".

How humiliating for the poor child.

Dreadful woman!

I have to say I was amazed when I have been sick my darling DH has just cleared it away no issues...no moaning no comments on it - just got rid....

I am horrified to think that you would make someone clean up their own sick when they were ill. Unless it was through drink I would be there every step of the way. And actually if it was either of my children I would clean up then too. That is what you are supposed to do if you are a parent.

poor kid

I remember a few years ago my daughter was about 9 or 10 and she went through a stage of sickness over about a week or so which included quite a bit of night time vomitting.

One night I was asleep and was woken by some noise. I realised it was coming from her bedroom and when I went to investigate she was on her hands and knees trying to clear up the sick. She was crying and apologised for getting sick again and she didn't want to wake up me and her mum again. Broke my heart - but made me feel a little proud too. Even so, I told her that her and mum and I would always look after her and to never worry about letting us know if she was poorly. By this time partner had got up as well - she took daughter off to the bathroom and I cleaned up the mess (again!). Stunk to high heaven! But it's what you do...

Poor child! No is thrilled about clearing up sick, but its part and parcel of being a mother. Does your collegue actually love her son? Is she totally devoid of compassion?

When I was in my 20s I had the most horrible vomiting bug. I just couldn't get out of bed and puked all over everything more than once. My mum cleaned everything, every time. She must have been worn out by the time it finished but she just kept on going and never once complained or made me feel bad. I felt very cared for and loved. Poor wee soul must be feeling exactly the opposite.

That poor child. And being sick for weeks must be incredibly tough on him. I vomited for 5 days once (thanks, norovirus) and I was surprised how badly it affected my mind as well as my body. He should have been seen by a GP after less than a week.

Ds1 is 6 and I have 'made' him help to clean his own sick up before. However, the circumstances are very different. He has a very weak stomach and will vomit whenever he laughs too much. He's had this since a toddler (has been investigated but nothing medically wrong) and is well aware of the warning signs. When he's been told by me to calm down, has continued to ignore me, and eventually been sick, I have made him help clean up. This makes me am awful, nasty mother according to my mum some, but he's not ill, he knows how to prevent it (mostly) and I 'm trying to make him realise the repercussions.

Anyway, I digress. I actually can't imagine any situation where I would make a child clean up if they were sick when genuinely ill. I also can't imagine a cut off age. I cleaned up for dh once when he didn't quite make it to the bathroom and was sick on the landing...and if I was I'll with a bug, I'd expect him to do the same for me. So I certainly would for a child (or adult child).

sashh - I don't think mum thinks it's a genuine problem.

It may or may not be a physical problem, but it is most certainly a problem. Poor child.

VioletHare Words fail me. How on earth can you justify making a six year old clear up their sick. Children don't choose to be born with reflux. I feel you expect too much of your son. Six year olds do not have a great concept of repercussions. Lets face it, some children at that age still have the odd toilet accident.

Yes my child did bloody lick some dog poop. For a £10 bet. £10. For dog poo. Eurghhh