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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you bu if you made a 12 year old clean up their own vomit?

165 replies

captainproton · 31/07/2014 13:42

Child wakes up and vomits on his own bed and carpet in the middle of the night. Would you make them clean it up with no assistance from a parent, when said child is being repeatedly sick? The bouts of sickness have been ongoing for a couple of weeks now and seem to come on with no warning. Child is going to the doctor about it but mum has had enough of cleaning up sick, can't say I'd be too thrilled about it either.

I don't think it's unreasonable to get them to help out once they are better but if they are not well would you make them do it?

By the way I am not the child's parent. This happened to a colleague's son and she made them clean it up. There have been some jovial discussions here about whether or not she is a strict mum. I fall into the, 'would clean it up for them category'. I had an abusive mother and a weird upbringing, I would have been made to clear up my own sick after receiving a load of abuse. I don't know what is the normal thing to do. I assume there is an age when they have to do it for themselves, but is 12 too young?

I'm asking because I think I am in danger of babying my children when they are older owing to a rubbish childhood and I don't want to smother them. So when I hear of situations like this I am trying to work out what is the right thing to do.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 31/07/2014 15:01

I feel bad now.
My poor DD had to learn from a young age to get to the toilet or have a bucket by her bed.
If she is sick and I see it then I'm sick as well.
Always been the same.
When she was younger my DH always had to clear up sick.
I just cannot do it.
He left when she was 11.
She's now 16 and I've never had to clean up her sick.
She has an en-suite so it's easy for her to get to toilet quickly.
But just thinking about cleaning up someone else's sick makes me gag!

QisforQcumber · 31/07/2014 15:05

Poor bairn Sad

DS is mortified if he doesn't make it to the toilet when he is ill and offers to help but I always decline and ask DH to take him to get some mouthwash/water/clean PJs before tucking him back into bed with a cuddle and reassurance.

newnameforanewstart · 31/07/2014 15:07

I always clean up after my kids, if they have been sick, had a bad tummy, bleeding etc. I would do the same for anyone.

Actually I am a very light sleeper and was staying with a friend once and woke up to the sound of him being sick, I got up and looked after him, helped him change, found his cleaning stuff and cleaned up after him and he was over 30.

Compassion is ageless.

Floop · 31/07/2014 15:08

I'd do it for my poorly husband, let alone my kids.

Genuine illness and I'll help anyone I love.

sashh · 31/07/2014 15:10

Not sure I'd be waiting weeks to go to the Dr either.

Original poster
captainproton · 31/07/2014 15:12

To be fair to the mum, she thinks her son is not trying to get to the toilet or anything and leaving her to do deal with it. Plus I think she thinks it is all in his head.

I had just been listening to her and another colleague discuss it, she wants to try and teach him to take care of himself when ill. I think she has had enough and no partner to support her.

It just brought back a memory from when I was little and I am not sure whether I was letting that cloud my judgement. As i have 2 little ones, hardly a week goes by when I'm not dealing with one bodily fluid mishap or another.

OP posts:
Original poster
captainproton · 31/07/2014 15:13

sashh - I don't think mum thinks it's a genuine problem.

OP posts:
mumtosome61 · 31/07/2014 15:13

I would clean it up whether that person was 2, 12, 22 or 202 - if they are ill, they are ill. I understand it's been going on a while, but it's hardly her child's fault and I would have had the child up the doctors way before now, assuming they are normally healthy and it was not a bug.

The only time I wouldn't clean up sick was if it was alcohol related, and even then if it that child/person was repeatedly or violently sick, I would probably help clean because I'm a neat freak.

I'm an emetephobe too.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/07/2014 15:15

No he is a child, he is sick, it us something you do as a parent when your children are ill. He can't help it bless him. Mabey put some waterproof mat near the bed.

Fairywhitebear · 31/07/2014 15:17

That's awful. Of course i would clean up. I'm not the one who's ill!

When I had awful sickness last year, my lovely DH cleared up for me. I'm not 12, perfectly capable etc, but oh boy, was i poorly.

Agree with those who have said, she's the parent, it's part of the job she signed up for!

AdoraBell · 31/07/2014 15:17

I would only expect a person, regardless of age, to clean it up themselves if it was the result of drinking far too much alcohol, after not learning the first time.

If someone is vomiting through illness or even anxiety I'd say it's draconian to make them clear it up themselves. Unless you have a genuine phobia, but you haven't said they have so they ABU.

As for the question of how old is old enough, 12 is still a child, 17 is legally still a child, and vomiting through illness is still ill at whatever age.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/07/2014 15:18

Your friend sounds mean and not very nice. She should be taking him to the doctors or walk in clinic to rule anything out!

Kittymautz · 31/07/2014 15:18

I think your friend is being mean to her DS.

I am nearly 50, and sometimes when I'm in bed with a migraine, I know I am going to vomit, but cannot walk to the bathroom. My DP brings me a bucket and then happily, with no complaint, washes it out etc for me. I would do the same for him, although luckily for him he is rarely ill.

Valsoldknickers · 31/07/2014 15:23

Your colleague sounds horrible. That poor child! Also the delay in bringing the son to the doctor is a bit off to me Hmm

When your child is ill and you take care of them you are just doing your job as a parent, it's what you're supposed to do.

I hate puke as well btw but c'est la vie we've all been there either as the sick person or the cleaner upper!

whatever5 · 31/07/2014 15:25

To be fair to the mum, she thinks her son is not trying to get to the toilet or anything and leaving her to do deal with it. Plus I think she thinks it is all in his head.

She "thinks" that it is all in his head and that he isn't trying to go to the toilet because it is convenient for her to see it that way because it gives her an excuse to make him clear it up rather than doing it herself. She sounds like a really awful mother. Poor child.

Original poster
captainproton · 31/07/2014 15:29

ok thanks everyone, I do sometimes question my colleague's parenting decisions, but as she is one of few mothers i work with i do sort of discuss paretning things with her. I am not going to assassinate her character on MN as she can't defend herself but there are times when I think "really?". I do think she is being a bit cruel and I am feeling confident in myself in recognisisng what is right and wrong. And trust me it is hard to know sometimes. Honestly I think she is worn out, alone with a sick child. I don't think she is in a happy place right now.

Anyway another colleague has pushed her into making him a GP's appt so hopefully they will soon figure out what is wrong with him.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 31/07/2014 15:35

Well, I'd think there had to be something fairly 'wrong' in any 12yo's life for them to choose to throw up all over their bed in the middle of the night.

So, either he isn't choosing to, in which case she is BU.

Or he's choosing to do this as some kind of cry for help, in which case she needs to give him some proper attention and find out what is so wrong that he feels the need to do such a thing.

FriendlyLadybird · 31/07/2014 15:47

We have a rule that 'If it's your mess, you clear it up.' But DH and I were horrified when then 6-y-o DS tried to clear up his own vomit based on this rule. I took him up to bed, DH cleared up, and we made sure he understood that the rule doesn't apply to sickness!

marne2 · 31/07/2014 15:51

I wouldn't ,the last thing you want to do whilst puking is to clean it up ( poor kid ). If the child had been puking on and off for a while then I would take them to the gp or even A&E, most bugs only last 24-48 hours so it could be something more serious. Hope the child is ok.

Delphiniumsblue · 31/07/2014 15:52

Absolutely not!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 31/07/2014 15:54

That poor child has shitty parents. Of course we wouldn't get a 12 year old to clear up sick.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 31/07/2014 15:56

Has a shitty parent.

Theherbofdeath · 31/07/2014 15:58

Why did the child not use a sick bowl, if they have been doing this repeatedly? If they'd been given a bowl and not used it, I can understand the exhausted mum getting fed up and expecting the child to help clear up, assuming they were well enough to do so.

muffliato · 31/07/2014 16:01

That poor child.

Either he is sick and his mother chooses not to believe him.
Or he's making himself sick.

HavanaSlife · 31/07/2014 16:02

Id be really worried if I thought it was all in his head, that would mean hes making himself sick, being sick due to stress or anxiety maybe
Whatever the reason id be really qorried and trying to get to the bottom of it.