to think there's nothing 'wrong' with my parenting and the NHS doesn't need to fix it?

[oneandnotlonelyk]

I took dd for her 2.5 year health check a few weeks ago. I hadn't been to the doctor or health visitor for either of us since dds one year check as we're both pretty healthy, and no issues to report.

At the check, the hv asked about our sleeping arrangements, I said dd sleeps in my bed with me (she goes to bed earlier obviously), the room is safe and toddler proof. She has her own room and bed but prefers mine. The hv seemed ok with it, but then said I have separation issues and should consider counselling. I responded, telling her I'm happy with the situation, as is dd, I said the situation originated when I was bfing and found it easier to co sleep. I said I like co sleeping, it works for us, I like being close to dd, we cuddle etc.

Hv said dd will become too dependent and won't want to move out as an adult, I'm not prioritising my needs to meet a man (I'm a single parent) and therefore not teaching dd how to have a relationship with a man. I did (tongue in cheek) say that as my own relationship had failed, perhaps I'm not the best person to teach dd about relationships with men (haha) and that dd goes to a childminder four days a week while I'm at work, which she loves, so clearly dd isn't dependent on me.

As the hv admitted dd is doing well, is healthy and happy, Aibu to be really passed off that since the appt I've had two more phone calls from her and another hv about my 'separation issues' with dd, plus a gp referral?! I don't think I need counselling, nhs time and interference when I'm doing what I feel best for my dd and millions of people cosleep in other parts of the world. I'm a bit worried that they are going to keep harassing me.

Definitely complain because the next person who hears this rubbish from her might actually believe it. It's a harmful and unprofessional approach and someone needs to have a word. Then you can get on with your perfectly fine parenting of your child.

Please do complain, the woman is an arse and a bloody stupid one too. Considering they know so little about mental health, commenting on psychological issues that would take a qualified MH professional some time to unravel (if they are even present) is way beyond her capabilities and remit.

Why are so many HV's so bloody amateur and inconsistent? Never have I seen so much un-evidence based practice, folklore,half assed crap and lazy assumption. From poor BFing and bottle advice to not understanding BL weaning to appearing to base their advice on Truby bloody King, I am rarely impressed.

My Health Visitor visited me and my 10 week old (bouncing, 90th centile in weight, sleeping 12 hrs a night (yes really, she was the easiest baby ever)) and said we would talk the next time about weaning her onto a bottle (I was bf-ing which she clearly found a bit weird).

I didn't bother meeting her again. They really are not all very well trained or in line with NHS guidelines even.

We co-slept with all 3 but I probably didn't chat to the HV about our sleeping arrangements, if she wasn't a fan of breastfeeding past 10 weeks I doubt she'd have been a co-sleeping fan.

I co slept with my kids, two together, until one was 5 and the other almost 3. It was getting too cramped and that was the only reason I shifted them to their own room. The shifting was painless. We decorated it together and they slept in it the first night with no complaints. Much nicer than "sleep training". So many judge co-sleeping OP, ever since I became a mother I decided that as long as it works for us and we're all happy, sod what anyone else thinks.

This is why I stopped seeing the HV..she gave me, a midwife some shocking advice about breast feeding at one of the immunisations..so I just booked DD to see practice nurse when they called me for immunisations and never saw her again.

my HV was actually really good, but I also think that appears to be quite unusual. Hv seem to get worked up over nothing, yet turn a blind eye to serious stuff. My sister has mental health problems and was living in squalor (think every surface covered, utter filth everywhere, animals everywhere, broken glass on the floor etc) and HV response was that everyone finds it hard to keep on top of housework when they have a young family. Because a serious hoarding problem is totally the same as not getting the washing up done sometimes.

Wow, yanbu. You need to make a complaint about this health visitor. She needs to be told that her comments were inappropriate, for the sake of any other future clients of hers.

I've always found hv's to be woefully uninformed and / or just batshit mental. My current one has never heard of blw, apparently. I tried to explain it to her but she didn't seem to get it and Kept trying to push baby rice on me (same one who was obsessed with me getting dd on a three hour routine, even waking her for feeds, despite me breastfeeding on demand and baby maintaining her centile).

My sister's hv was concerned that her ds had ocd purely on the basis that he wanted to keep turning the sink tap on and off at his 2 year check.

Where do they get these people from? It seems they just dole out advice, based on their own opinion, rather than evidence then try to bully people into accepting it.

I was also sad to see a sign at baby clinic that said "if your baby is not sleeping through the night by six months, ask your hv about controlled crying". WTAF?

I wanted to do my HV training but have gone into a different area . Having had three children in nearly three different decades , I have raised one in the wean at three months on spoon fed mush times to the dont give that baby anything other than breastmilk until they are at least six months old /follow BL weaning times and all the advice in between .

The good HV's are the ones who realise that raising a child isn't a one size fits all endeavour because babies like the adults they grow up to be are all individuals.

I hope you do make a formal complaint (don't leave anything out).

HV's on the whole are a useless bunch of idiots - which is a great shame as there are lots of women (and babies) who would benefit from the kind of help you can get from a good HV. Sadly (probably due to having to work with utter twats!) they are few & far between. We'd be better off having far fewer than we have now and paying them properly!

That one needs hanging out to dry.

dontgiveawaythehomeworld i have never heard of anyone only being allergic to cheese or all fish ( as opposed to shellfish ) , but not being a Dr working in that field i wouldnt have the extensive knowledge to pass comment . The fish thing though , apart from the odd can of tuna in the cupboard , we only have fish in the fridge if i am going to be cooking it that day as it is smelly and as i struggle to cook fish , this happens rarely.

The HV who came to visit me after the birth of DS2 , made me a coffee and joked about the contents of my fridge which contained more champagne than milk , but then she was one of the good ones !

IME the majority of them are a bit shit, which I know is really unfair on the good ones - and there are good ones.

Out of six I saw, five were useless and/or damaging.

One told me to wean early because of a misplaced dot on the chart and when I pointed out it was plotted wrong she lied and said it wasn't.

Another told me my DS was unsafe rear facing in the car at 9 months and needed to be forward facing.

One told me she didn't understand why I couldn't load/unload the dishwasher with a one year old around - I was seeing the HV to ask for support about the fact I wasn't coping in an abusive relationship, and she turned it around to "but you could probably do more housework".

One snapped at me when I moved house and asked politely when I was going to get a HV. I took him to a clinic and they huffed at me because I went to the wrong one luckily they did weigh him, because this was when I was trying to see if he had outgrown his baby car seat.

One was a total dragon, didn't once give me any support but just kept criticising me in a really vague way. When I tried to fix things for her next visit, she looked around and said "Well it's just all the same". I kept asking her to tell me what she expected of me exactly and she just kept saying vague things like "This isn't acceptable" "It's unsafe". She made me take DS into the room where he never slept because he was co-sleeping and because we were talking and I wasn't on the floor watching him, he fell over and bashed his head, which she said "See. It's unsafe!" She made me cry, and referred me to SS who threw the case out after one meeting as well. She also gave DS a really long lasting fear of weighing scales by forcing him onto them totally naked after we'd been to a play session (he was about two, so I don't know why she was weighing him naked) and I was trying to take him home for his lunch and a sleep. She wouldn't take "can we do this another time" for an answer.

One was supportive, and probably the best of the lot that I saw, but still kept trying to give me advice I didn't want (about co sleeping, BFing etc). In the interests of balance my friend had a brilliant one, but I never met her.

I'm allergic to just cheese! I don't know if it's a true allergy, not sure of the medical definition, but I (and my grandma) get D&V on the dot 4 hours after eating it, even when we've eaten it without knowing about it.

bertieBotts , please don't think i was suggesting that people were making up the cheese allergy , its just one i had never heard of without it being part of a dairy allergy iyswim ?
My body cannot tolerate that really dense rye bread that you buy in slices , like you after a few hours i get a horrendous reaction, stomach cramps and explosive poo , shame as i bloody love the stuff

Don't worry my tone was light hearted. I should have put a smilie in, sorry it didn't come across! :)

My best tip with an annoying HV is to ask them innocently what a centile is. No, it's not a percentage...no, sorry, could you explain...no, it's not a percentage...hours of (rather sadistic) fun.