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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why some parents think that having a tall child makes them a superior parent?

256 replies

coppingpandy · 31/07/2014 09:27

Has anyone else noticed this? Some parents go on and on about having a tall child, as if it makes them better than everyone else, or as if it's because of something they've done parenting-wise.

I have noticed it both on here and in real life.

My DD's best friend has always been a fraction taller than DD, and for the past 7 years since they became friends at pre-school, her mum has not stopped going on about it. She mentions it all the time, as if it's medal-worthy that her DD is the tallest of the pair!

My DS is the youngest in his class, and so is quite small compared to lots of other children who are almost a year older than him. The mum of a very tall boy in his class is always mentioning the fact that DS is small and that her DS is so much taller. Again as if she deserves a bloody medal for her child being tall!

AIBU to think it's strange?

(Cue lots of parents protesting "But my child really is tall) Grin

OP posts:
Mybigfatredwedding · 02/08/2014 09:47

YANBU - strangely everyone on Mumsnet seems to have children who are 'tall and skinny/athletic'........

marne2 · 02/08/2014 09:52

Have never really notice this Hmm, I have a tall child and I don't think it's necessarily a good thing! my 8 year old is taller than her 10 year old sister, people assume she's older when they first see her, she has Autism so acts a lot younger, she ignores people when they talk to her so people think she's being rude, this seems even worse when they assume she is older than she is. Her sister is very short ( like me ), this is much easier, she shares clothes with dd2, rarely grows out of shoes and can fit into very small spaces Grin, I think being short has more going for it.

Only1scoop · 02/08/2014 09:52

My dd4 is extremely tall....already allocated getting the back row for photos at nursery leaving etc....she had better get used to that I feelWink

Only1scoop · 02/08/2014 09:57

Certainly never felt superior parent....more like bloody annoyed parent being made to feel like trying to pull a fast one with entry fees to places....

National trust lady once said 'nice try' thinking she was 5 at 3 and should be paying....as a member I certainly complainedAngry

patienceisvirtuous · 02/08/2014 09:57

Not rtft. But this is my relative. Everytime I see her I get an update in how DC1 is taller than everyone in his class. And her friends children, some who are two yrs older than him. All said in a fake-shock/smug way.

She is tall and has always viewed this as a point of superiority.

I feel a tiny bit of glee re my DP being taller than hers (he is a newcomer and has usurped the tallest man in the family position hee hee). I don't care a jot. But she will :)

WyrdByrd · 02/08/2014 10:03

If someone has a feature that makes them stand out, people comment on it. In some cases the parents who mention their child's height are probably doing so preemptively as they get so many comments from others.

At 9yo my DD is not only a head taller than her BF, but is just a fraction taller than her mum, who mentions what a giant DD is every time we see them (every 6 weeks for the last 5 years and every fortnight for the previous 18 months).

It cuts both ways tbh.

elfycat · 02/08/2014 10:12

I get so many comments about my tall DDs, do you suppose I reply out of necessity?

I'm hardly going to say, in front of my children, that it's a pain in the arse as I get questioned over entry fees; why my children are 'behind' for their ages in behaviour, speech etc; how they are expected to behave more grown up and I have been called over their rudeness/ignorance; how hard it is to get clothing for their length that doesn't swamp them sideways; that birthday gifts, even in a year-older size don't last 10 minutes; that there are health risk factors for tall as there is with everything else these days to be fair ; that my DDs literally stand out amongst their peers - DD is tallest in her YR class and DD2 was taller than all the YR risers at nursery despite not going for another year - and DD1 had experienced bullying over it; that I worry that they will try to hunch down to make themselves fit in, like their father has.

No. I say it's great and fantastic to be tall. They don't have a choice but they are going to feel good about.

Mybigfatredwedding · 02/08/2014 10:24

I have been a teacher for 7 years and in that time I have only come across 3 children (2 boys and 1 girl) who are 'noteworthily tall'. All kids on mumsnet seem to be very tall!

Siennasun · 02/08/2014 10:40

Being positive in response to other people's comments about your DC being tall is fine but definitely not the same as comparing your DC to other people's smaller DC as if tall is superior.

Tbh I think it's quite rude to comment on anyone's height, just as it is to make comments about their weight. Plenty of rude people around tho!

Only1scoop · 02/08/2014 10:45

I must admit I don't like when people are literally "Blush she's only 4....she's 7 and they're the same size"

However I don't get offended with age 6 clothes as gifts....lets be real and saves me changing em'

Cuts both ways I guess....

Isitmylibrarybook · 02/08/2014 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RonaldMcDonald · 02/08/2014 10:54

two of mine are v skinny and small
one v tall and normally shaped

they all have v large feet and hands and so i imagine they'll end up tall
i am tall and so is my ex

LizzieMint · 02/08/2014 10:58

I have two tall children and 1 average height child. I comment on the tall ones a lot more - but that's because they've always looked older than they are so I've been very conscious of their behaviour being judged more harshly - my 3 year old looks more like 5-6 and is taller than lots of the reception children at school.

schmee · 02/08/2014 10:58

Chelsyhandy - I've noticed that about birth announcements too. I think it's because people are paranoid that their babies are fat, so announcing an 8 lb baby must be qualified by saying the baby is "long" to avoid the sense that their newborn is already part of the obesity epidemic..

MasqueradeWaltzer · 02/08/2014 11:03

Dd1 has always been tall for her age, which was no more than the occasion of mild bemusement on my part because we don't really have many tall people in our families - much more the other way round.

But other parents were constantly exclaiming over how tall she is, as if this was really something. And when she started school, the other children all wanted to be her friend, despite her not really encouraging it, so it definitely seems to be some kind of social capital.

Now, at 10, many of the other girls have caught up or overtaken her, and that's perfectly fine with me.

TheDayOfMyDoctor · 02/08/2014 11:18

I haven't noticed this and DS is pretty small.

People do comment (though not unkindly) that he's small and that makes me a bit sad for him. Especially when someone asks him how old he is and proceeds to guess and get it wrong.

I have some irrational guilt about his size as he was on 75th centile when he was born and dropped down the centiles after we started weaning him.

I know it's really down to genetics though and both DH and I of fairly average height.

Sicaq · 02/08/2014 11:28

I think this thread shows what we all know, really: some people consider a smaller height desirable, and others prefer tallness. Like any other feature, really.

I'd respond to smuggo's like OP's friend with vague bemusement, or fake pity - really sympathise with her over her daughter's tallness and assure her that many people stop growing once they reach puberty, I'm sure she'll be fine .... Maybe that will shut her up.

SqueakySqueak · 02/08/2014 11:33

Never heard of this. Confused

I was the shortest in my family (which means nothing they're all huge, and I'm relatively tall) and was called "Shrimpy" growing up. My younger cousins use becoming taller than me as their milestone. Hmm

Going to school and being taller than people in class made me quite happy.

But I've never heard of parents bragging about how tall their kid is anymore than I hear them brag about their blue eyes, ability to tan, etc... Every parent will find some attribute about their child and publicly praise it. My mom would tell my dad later that she felt sorry for all the other little girls because they just weren't as pretty as me. Grin I'm sure their moms felt the same way about them!

RonaldMcDonald · 02/08/2014 11:56

I was very jealous of my sil's babies as they were bigger and fatter
mine were a bit scrawny
i have not noticed anyone apologising for big babies here

BravePotato · 02/08/2014 12:14

I think it my be a primal thing too.

My oldest was a skinny baby, often sick and has been on a drip in hospital, reflux, "fussy" eater.... Thin thin thin.

To see him all tall now, 10yrs on, and stronger looking fills my heart with pride and joy. I can't help it.

Youngest then was born at 10 pounds, and the hoy I have taken in his chubbiness must have been something primal/biological as well.

My rational mind tells me height/weight are not important and should not be judged in. My despicable instinct tells me that my children being tall and strong is a good thing.

leolion · 02/08/2014 12:28

But was it always like this? I'm 5ft 9 and remember as a child being so self conscious about always being the tallest amongst my friends. I remember it as a negative thing and longed to be average height. As a teenager, I always wanted to be a petite, pretty thing, of which I was neither! I don't remember my mum ever wearing it as a badge of honour, the opposite really- I think it was seen as distinctly unfeminine then (70's and 80's).

BravePotato · 02/08/2014 12:35

Leolion, I was dragged into the paediatrician by my mum when I was 13 as I just would not stop growing.

They took an x ray of my growth plates, and then decided whether or not I should be given hormones to stop growing (aka the pill) Shock

I was estimated to grow to be 6ft. My mum thought I should take the pill Shock, but I said "no"

That was in 1983

Snatchoo · 02/08/2014 13:05

I would assume this was just a boring attempt at smalltalk tbh. Same as 'ooh don't your two have blue eyes! Isn't your two year old a maniac!' Grin

My sister was self conscious as a child as she was always 'taller'. She wasn't really but all her friends were really tiny! She's only about 5 ft 6 now. I was the tallest until I went to secondary - I got to 5 ft 4.5 at age 10ish and then stopped.

Laura0806 · 02/08/2014 13:14

I think its as exactly as someone else said; its not bragging but more making sure people don't judge them as being older and hence expect more of them. For example I mention my childs heigth to stop the inevitable comemtns about delayed speech and still being in a buggy. I think its a massive disadvantage to a child to be taller than their peers and it bugs the hec out of me the amount of times people say my oldest dd is 'big' and she only wins races because shes so much bigger than her peers! thanks, sure she loves growing up feeling like she is 'big'.What i can't understand is why people don't just keep their comments to themselves.

Ilovexmastime · 02/08/2014 13:17

I've never come across this, on here or in RL. But then again, I've never come across a single competitive parent either.

I've come across plenty of proud/worried/insecure/talk-about-any-old-shit parents though and if you're the insecure/defensive/lacking-in-humour type then you might take their comments as competitive?

I base this theory on a friend of mine who sees competition everywhere when she is quite clearly projecting her insecurities. I have given up trying to get het to see the other mothers point of view now and just nod and say, hmmm, when she starts.
A good few posters on here seem like that too.