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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re asking this favour of DD?

140 replies

Weathergames · 30/07/2014 21:49

I am a single parent to 3 and I work full time.

Last week took kids on foreign holiday and have taken Friday off to take kids to Thorpe Park.

Am getting in from work to find NOTHING has been done not even jobs they are expected to do.

Elder two aged 17 and 15 out all day with mates at beach etc younger one is in most of the time.

17 yr old working tomoz so have asked 15 yr old DD to be here tomoz between 12-1 to let in electrician and be here while he does work (1-2 r job).

She is being a right primadonna about it and saying it's the "one day EVERYONE" is going to the beach :(

Am I being a total bitch?

OP posts:
Thefishewife · 31/07/2014 08:02

The fact your asking is were you have gone wrong I have a 14 year old and sometimes it's about telling them what there going to be doing asking is for when their is a option not to

YourHandInMyHand · 31/07/2014 08:04

YANBU.

While you are at it write up a chores list for them all from here on out. You work full time and even your youngest should be helping out. My 9yr old DS has autism. He makes his bed, puts clothes in laundry, pots in sink, lets dog out of crate in bedroom every time we come home, tidys his own toys, etc. I tell him we are a team and need to work together.

My mum worked full time as a single parent with 3 kids. She would come in to a clean house and a hot meal ready to be served up from us starting high school. We also did our own ironing, walked dog, etc. We are all very independent and run our own households very efficiently.

Get them all pulling their weight!

hamptoncourt · 31/07/2014 08:32

I have had an extremely unpleasant experience with a plumber last year- a situation that ended up requiring the police to be called.

These things happen. Although it was awful for me, I cannot bear to think what would have happened if it had been my teen DD in the house alone rather than me.

Obviously this has coloured my view and it was the first thing I thought of when I read the OP. Sad

Ragwort · 31/07/2014 08:38

YANBU - I have a teen and am horrified at their horrible, stroppy attitude - but you are right to make her stay in on this one occasion. Some teenagers seem to think that life revolves all around them, they need to learn about family responsibilities. .

Remind them ALL of the household jobs and chores that need doing ........ if it is not too late cancel Thorpe Park.

combust22 · 31/07/2014 08:40

"YANBU - I have a teen and am horrified at their horrible, stroppy attitude"

Ragwort don't tar all teens like this. Your teen may be horrible and stroppy but I can assure you they are not all like that.

Montegomongoose · 31/07/2014 08:41

That is the attitude which leaves you with spoiled, stroppy, self-obsessed offspring, unwilling to contribute to family life

Please be reassured that this is not the case, certainly not in my house.

My teens have had a decent balance of volunteering, fun and earning money this summer and are delightful, thoughtful people.

In return, I have always respected their time too and certainly would have checked first that it worked for everyone if I expected a member if my household to give up a prearranged day with friends to hang about for a handyman to show up.

Especially if it was a fifteen year old girl alone with a strange man in her own home. That is both common sense and respecting the vulnerabilities and feelings of a child.

Original poster
Weathergames · 31/07/2014 08:42

He's a friend of a friend. He's been round I have met him he knows exactly what needs doing and we have agreed a price I have no concerns re DDS safety.

OP posts:
combust22 · 31/07/2014 08:50

Montegomongoose- I completely agree.

Original poster
Weathergames · 31/07/2014 08:53

FFS - My DD is not worried about "being alone in the house with a strange man"!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Montegomongoose · 31/07/2014 08:55

weathergames in that case, I'd just leave him a key somewhere.

Delphiniumsblue · 31/07/2014 08:55

Thank goodness for that Weathergames! Since she is going to be an adult and away from home soon I don't know how she will cope if she can't let in someone known to you who knows exactly what job needs doing!

Munchkin08 · 31/07/2014 09:02

I had a plumber coming round and left my 14 year old son and he would not come into the house if only my son was there and I had to come home from work. I also had the same thing when trying to get a cab for him home from school once - mad I know but maybe you should check with the company.

Munchkin08 · 31/07/2014 09:03

Oh sorry just seen he is a friend Blush

Ragwort · 31/07/2014 09:07

combus - I absolutely know that not all teens are stroppy and difficult and I did say some teenagers are like that.

It is just that my teen can be very difficult and unpleasant - of course, he is charm personified when with other adults and I often get comments on his lovely behaviour Hmm - but he is just not like that at home.

It probably makes up for all the years when I was a smug mother with a baby/toddler that slept beautifully for hours and I could never understand how parents thought having a toddler was difficult Grin.

todayisnottheday · 31/07/2014 09:18

I think yabu actually (and not because of the raping murdering electrician you've apparently employed Hmm) I just think that you should have warned her well ahead of time rather than saying the day before. Waiting this long means she will have made plans and have expectations. With warning she might have been able to plan round it. Certainly I'd be peeved with the short notice as an adult so I'd think you're average teen would be worse!

picnicbasketcase · 31/07/2014 09:22

Don't give her a choice. It's an instruction, not a favour. The electrician is coming, he needs to be let in, there's no one else who can do it. She will be there to do it, or there will be no Thorpe Park.

combust22 · 31/07/2014 09:27

picnic- but the daughter had prior arrangements. It's up to the OP to fit around her a little too.

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 31/07/2014 09:29

hmm. I see both sides [pulls splinters out of arse].

She, and all your children should be willing to do chores to help the house run. It's not good that they haven't done them before and that she's whinging about this one.

BUT...I think it is a leetle unfair to spring a middle of the day (so affects the whole of it) favour at the last minute, after plans made.

I also wonder (remembering the strange logic of the teenager) whether she feels pissed off that she is the one who has to do this, ie older sib gets off and so does younger. Can you make sure that you a) thank her for her "contribution" to the household and make sure that they are the next two singled out for chores.

Also, you say you get home and nothing has been done. Is the house in a worst state than you left it? That is an absolute no-no. Have you given them a manageable list of things you expect them to complete when you are out? I think it's a little unreasonable to expect a 15 yo and a 17 yo to automatically think of the stuff that needs doing. That might sound mollycoddled, some may well be extremely houseproud and capable of it, but I wasn't at their age and I know my sisters and my friends weren't either. However, I was pretty decent if you gave me a list.

picnicbasketcase · 31/07/2014 09:29

In the vast expanse of the summer holidays, there's not a single other day she can meet her friends at the beach? Or it would be impossible to go after the electrician has finished working? Hmm

RiverTam · 31/07/2014 09:29

I would tell all of them that unless the chores are done between now and Friday morning Thorpe Park is off. And that if the 15-year-old isn't prepared to give up a couple of hours of her day for the electrician then she can hand over all of her electrical devices until the weekend.

Yes, it's been sprung on her but these things happen. And if you show yourself to be inconsiderate of others then you can expect little consideration in return.

Nanny0gg · 31/07/2014 10:01

I would be pissed off if I'd made arrangements to do something and then my DH sprang an appointment on me that I'd have to stay in for. However, if he'd checked with me first it would be a different matter.

Same for your DD.

However, the chores issue is totally different and they should all be pulling their weight in the house.
If they can't help so that you can go out to work, thus affording holidays and Thorpe Park, maybe those things shouldn't happen...

Mrsjayy · 31/07/2014 10:08

She is hanging out with her friends alll she has to do is say I need to do something for my mum I will meet you all later hanging out isnt arranging anything,

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2014 10:13

She can go out before and after. Fgs I really don't see what the big deal is. She's soon complain of she could to face book on the lap top as there was no electricity to charge it.

Ya totally nbu!!! And after that attitude and the refusal to help out in the home at all if not take her to Thorpe park. Spend the day cleaning etc and tell her had she bothered to put a load of washing on or help prepare tea then you wouldn't have to be catching up with it on your day off and not have time to take them out.

longjane · 31/07/2014 10:19

Have I got this right you leave your 12 year autistic child home alone because the other 2 are out doing there own thing.

Wow

ArcheryAnnie · 31/07/2014 11:07

I'm still very much of the "it's not a favour, it's an instruction" frame of mind, but it might be worth pointing out that if you have to take a day off work for the electrician, that will mean less money, which will have to be deducted from the treat fund. So no Thorpe Park, no pocket money, etc, for a while.