Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to get annoyed when asked my marital status when leaving a message?

439 replies

peanutbutterandbanana · 30/07/2014 11:40

GGGRRRR - I used to get this in the last century... you make a call and the person answering needs you to leave a message, so you give your details and they say 'Miss or Mrs?'. My marital status is unnecessary and a man would certainly not be asked to confirm his personal home setup.

I've just called someone who runs an employment agency and I know her quite well. She's a one-woman-band so obviously uses one of these answering services, so I had to spend ages spelling my name out, detailing whether I was an individual or a company and then asked 'is it Miss or Mrs?', "Irrelevant," I said.

But my blood is now boiling. I cannot believe that we are well into the 21st Century and this question is still being asked when it is absolutely not relevant to this call or to my potential employment or to anyone else, in fact, apart from me and my OH/DP/DH. AIBU?

OP posts:
Vivacia · 10/08/2014 17:12

We will agree to disagree. I don't think we're there yet, where "Ms" is the correct title for any woman.

Chunderella · 10/08/2014 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnlyLovers · 10/08/2014 17:18

Vivacia, I guess I said 'probably' because I was musing aloud, and also because as far as I'm aware (I'm no expert), it's not cut and dried and universally agreed that that's what witches were.

I think men were sometimes accused of witchcraft too (again, I don't know for sure), which complicates it a bit.

Vivacia · 10/08/2014 17:24

We won't be agreeing to disagree then, I'm afraid.

Eh? How does that work then?

Vivacia · 10/08/2014 17:26

OnlyLovers good point. I have never heard that a woman was called a witch because she was actually a witch and cast spells and could turn in to a cat.

A male witch would be a warlock.

Chunderella · 10/08/2014 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia · 10/08/2014 17:31

Well to put it bluntly, you can't really agree to disagree if something isn't a matter of opinion, and you're taking the correct position and the other person the incorrect one.

Another good point, I agree. Do we have some evidence for "ms" always being the correct title for any woman?

OnlyLovers · 10/08/2014 17:32

Yeah, I know there are warlocks but I could swear I read somewhere about men being accused of being, specifically, witches.

I could have imagined it Grin

Vivacia · 10/08/2014 17:34

Not all OnlyLovers I'm certainly no expert on witches. The little I know is gleaned from The Crucible and visiting Mother Shipton's Cave in class 4.

Chunderella · 10/08/2014 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vivacia · 10/08/2014 17:46

Just something that stops it being a matter of opinion, which is what I felt it was.

I stupidly hadn't Googled before asking for evidence(!) - so quickly started Googling. I hope you have had better luck than me in finding something definitive?

pinkyredrose · 10/08/2014 18:02

Actually a male witch is still called a witch!

Vivacia · 10/08/2014 18:04

So, in the 17th Century were male witches actual, spell-casting witches?

OnlyLovers · 10/08/2014 19:50

visiting Mother Shipton's Cave in class 4. Grin
I don't exactly know what that is, but I'm quite envious.

BoneyBackJefferson · 10/08/2014 23:10

Chunderella

That is why I put "personal sense", having been firmly rounded upon by women for calling them Ms, Miss or Mrs when they wanted one of the other formal titles.

damepeanutbutter · 03/11/2014 17:42

As a postscript to this chat I have just read this article published two days ago on the BBC website - "Why Should Women Change Their Names on Getting Married" - not quite the same as why we should still have Mrs and Miss for women in this country, but you might find it an interesting read all the same....

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-29804450?ns_mchannel=email&ns_source=inxmail_newsletter&ns_campaign=bbcnewsmagazine_news__&ns_linkname=na&ns_fee=0

Charitybelle · 03/11/2014 18:02

Ah, this was the thread that prompted me to register on MN. Warm fuzzy feelings.....

Musicaltheatremum · 03/11/2014 18:05

I hate Ms. Just sounds awful. I shall be a "Lady"
I am really annoyed with my bank though which went from calling me
Dr Musical to Mrs Musical. My married name is different again.

youareallbonkers · 03/11/2014 18:13

You are being ridiculously unreasonable. It is your title not your marital status. I guess you don't have enough to do that you have to fill your time with worrying about this nonsense.

poolomoomon · 03/11/2014 18:14

I'm married and I'm Ms. I loathe mrs. I don't want to be known as someone's 'Mrs'. I kept my own surname too so I changed from Miss poolomoomon to Ms poolomoomon when I got married. It's an identity thing for me I think, my mum was always a Ms too though she's never been married. She always told me that Ms is for women and Miss is for girls like the Master/Mr thing for boys and that's stuck with me. There's a few things I've had to fill in that actually didn't have the Ms option, that pissed me off to no end.

I find the title thing quite frustrating anyway. Imagine how difficult it must be to anyone struggling with their gender identity- "I'm technically Mr Robert but I want to be Miss Roberta", it must rake up a lot of negative feelings for some of them I'd imagine. Perhaps we should just do away with titles in general? But then what would children call teachers? I do recall a couple of Ms teachers that always corrected those who said Miss in a very tetchy manner.

Ye110w · 03/11/2014 18:15

nyaNbu!

MrsMaker83 · 03/11/2014 18:27

In the office I used to work there used to be a huge range of titles to choose from.

There was a man who called regularly and insisted on being called 'Captain' before his name.

??

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 03/11/2014 19:19

I've found that when I give the "Ms" answer, there is always a pause. Does make me laugh Grin

Asking for a title over the phone, I don't actually have a problem with. I also have to pose the question as a business, as otherwise how would I know how to address a letter? Sometimes, it could be Dr or Rev, or something else (male or female). I would not like to send a letter to someone just addressed as "Dear P Smith", for instance. A "Miss, Mrs, Ms, Mr, Dr, Rev", etc etc, makes the written communication more polite.
So I can understand that. For instance, I regularly receive a communication that says "Dear Evans". Now that makes me a bit cross. I am either a Miss, or a Mrs, or a Ms, or a Dr, or a Rev, or something else (in real life)

Were I to be asked in conversation (or on a form) for my marital status, then that would be another matter entirely and the question(er) would receive the appropriate response (coff coff), because that really would not have any bearing on that transaction

There are reasons why the question might be posed, and appropriate response provided. There may also be reasons why some might take offence at such questions posed, unnecessarily.

In short OP, I think YABU, just because you are assuming the person on the end of the phone is asking for your marital status, when in reality, they are just asking how you would like to be addressed.

Ye110w · 03/11/2014 22:14

Being single and in my forties I've foolishly had to defend the title Ms a few times. When my new credit card came and it had Miss Yellow on it and I thought, no way, I'm not looking for that for another 4 years, and I went back to the bank to request a new one. They said to me that I'd originally put down Miss. hmmph, maybe so but that was about 15 years ago, before I had children. Now that I've thought about these things, it seems utterly ridiculous for me to be a Miss and to have post coming to the house with Miss on it. I've a child almost my height and another close behind. I'm in my mid forties. I don't feel like a miss.

Totally agree with posters who say that if Mr = man, any man, even an 18 year old, then Ms = all women and if they want to specify that they're Dr or Mrs then that's their choice, it's elaborating, but Ms can and does apply to all women over 188

NoelleHawthorne · 03/11/2014 22:17

Why do we need a title?

Swipe left for the next trending thread