to demand OW pays back the money h spent on her

[justfoundout2014]

I know I am, but I am so enraged. Found h has had a 2.5 year affair with a mutual friend while being a sahp. We are still living together for financial reasons, but I am pretty sure the marriage is over - though he still maintains not necessarily. The problem is I keep finding out more little details and each one causes stress.

We have pretty big money worries and I have been looking through our account history today. I am at fault here as this is the first time I have looked in the 10 years we have been together, despite the fact that I am more or less the sole earner . I have found that he has paid for a couple of hotel rooms and a couple of other things in the last couple of years. The amounts are not huge at all, but obviously that's not the point.

I will confront him tonight but I so want to demand that she pays me back the amount, or that I will turn up at her house until she does. Yes, it was family money, but I bring almost all of it all in and she knows that. How could she let him pay for anything? This is not helped by the fact that I have asked her several times to meet me and discuss things since I have found out and she has refused. Her texts are the most mind-blowingly patronising, inhuman things I have ever read. She doubts I 'could be civil' but 'sympathises with the situation I'm in' etc. No apology, no regret, nothing.

I know he has betrayed me most, but she has too and I just want acknowledgement of that. I won't do it, obviously, but just so angry now and want her to have some consequence like I have.

I would be extremely, extremely careful about all this assuming husband wants nothing, won't go for residency, won't want the house, 'has his pride' etc. All that could soon change when he's struggling to get a job/staring down the barrel of a grotty bedsit/the OW is whispering in his ear.

I also agree with this. My DPs ex wife originally said the same. Then it changed to 50:50 split then wanted everything. Cue a very acrimonious court battle that lasted years. In the end it was a virtually 60:40 split of assets.

Chanel your energy on sorting out the detail if splitting rather that the OW/distruction of things.

I keep coming back to this post as I'm so outraged on OP's behalf so goodness knows how she feels.

Just wanted to reiterate everyone else's advice though OP - get smart, play long game and smile serenely even though you're grinding your teeth into dust.

That FB post about the coffee machine though shows what kind of man he is so protect yourself, get things boxed off as soon as possible and thank your lucky stars you've been able to move on from this loser.

I agree EarthWindFire - even the most reasonable, rational, fair people can show some extremely alarming new colours when it comes to the financials in divorce. And, to be fair, most people (encouraged by their lawyers) would naturally go for whatever they think a court would say they are entitled to.

Yes your pathetic excuse for a husband has already shown he cannot be trusted at all. So don't trust what he says about what he will go after. I cannot emphasise that enough. Especially with that nasty bitch OW potentially still whispering poison in his ear.