To be annoyed by my friend's attitude?

[LifesABeachApparently]

Apologies in advance for the hundredth wedding post!

So, we're going to a wedding soon. In total there are 7 of us, 5 are friends to the bride and groom and two of us are plus ones as partners to the invited. We're giving money as a gift (yes yes, I know, but this isn't a post about money vs gift). Anyway, we were working out how much money to give and we all decided £15 per person would be good but that the couples would each pay a little more (£20). So the 3 single invitees would each pay £15 and the two couples would pay £20 per couple.

It's important to note here that the 3 single friends aren't actually single, their OHs just can't make it to the wedding. Also, both myself and the other plus one aren't close friends of the B&G, I think they're lovely people but it's just that I've only met them twice before.

Just before sealing the envelope single friend A says she doesn't think it's fair she's paying £15 whereas me and my DP (and the other couple) are effectively paying £10 each, so she and single friend B decide to form a 'couple' and pay £20 together. Not only does this leave the third single friend C out it's also not really the point - the reason the couples are paying more is because there are 2 in a couple but the reason we're only paying a bit more is because we're only plus ones rather than life long school friends!

So... AIBU to be a bit upset at friend A?

I think the singles should have done 10 and the couples 20.

Or the singles 15 and the couples 30

You are still taking one place at the wedding regardless

Friend A is right. Why should she pay a single person supplement!

As an aside I think I'd be rather miffed at being informed what I was expected to give. I'd see it as a private thing tbh.

It's not a quid pro quo arrangement.

This couple had a picnic in the park reception where we all brought our own sandwiches so I won't give them a present. this couple hired the Dorchester with a free bar all night so we'll buy them an astin martin.

I think YABU

This is single person tax. It's everywhere. Couples subsidise each other all the time and there's nothing wrong with that but I don't see why each person isn't counted as an individual, with each individual giving the same.

Still, it's a pretty small amount to have to give as a wedding present, so if I were invited, being single as I am I'd still just give 15.

wafflyversatile, it's nonsense that irish people have to give 150e. That's a celtic tiger cub attitude. Never be embarrassed to give a token gift.

I haven't read other peoples comments but yous may as well just give an empty card...I wouldn't even give that little to a child for a birthday!

Other Irish posters, that is amount given by guests to entire wedding. Sounds like OP and friends are only invited to evening. No way would I be giving 150-200 euros for an evening invite. Probably 50 euro per couple for evening invite?
To poster who asked Irish posters what they would do if they couldn't afford 150 euros, well; most likely they would save up in advance. Or decline invite. But put money aside is more likely.

YABU.

I second that. .. €50 evening invite and €150-200 for a full day per couple and I'm tight with money!

I decided to forgo a new frock and bought my cousin a wedding present off her list. A close relative and boyfriend bought new outfits, stayed 2 nights at the hotel rather than one with the additional meal/taxi spend and then decided that they couldn't afford to buy a wedding present for the bride & groom! Talk about tight!

i must have a brass neck then. I ignore wedding lists and buy some little trinket for 40 euro. i'm a single parent and i feel that if anybody is ungrateful for my gift then they can take their head out of their privileged backside. But I've never felt that my more modest gift has been received with a lack of gratitude. mind you, at forty something or other, I haven't been invited to many weddings in the last few years thank goodness

€50 evening invite.... You don't give a gift for an evening invite! That's crazy talk!!!!

To poster who asked Irish posters what they would do if they couldn't afford 150 euros, well; most likely they would save up in advance. Or decline invite. But put money aside is more likely.

Put what money aside? Are there no people in Ireland who aren't able to 'put money aside' or 'save up in advance' for actual important things, let alone wedding gifts?

I think YABU.

But I think everyone who calls it stingy is BU too. If it's what you can afford that's fine.

wafflyversatile They'd buy a present rather than give cash in that situation. Definitely wouldn't hand over €20 in a card.

I feel really shit after reading this thread

My DB is getting married in September, after clothing me, DH and DSs, travelling to where they live, staying over for 2 nights in a hotel, buying drinks and having a meal with family the night before which has been sprung on us we really can't afford to spend much more than £25 max on a present.

I thought that was an acceptable amount but after reading threads like this one I feel really awful.

The thing is we've saved all year for this wedding and we can still only afford that much. and there's no way I'd get DH to agree to spend more, he doesn't believe in pricey gifts

How in God's name do people afford to spend so much on wedding gifts?

Op, I think £15/£20 spend when you're an evening guest is fine.

In these circumstances I think everyone should have contributed equally. Just tell the single guest to put in 10 instead of 15. I don't really agree with "couples pay less" for wedding gifts and whether you are a close friend or a plus one is immaterial.

Interesting to read the comments about Irish weddings. In Spain where we live the etiquette is the same (giving 200 cash per guest) and those who can't afford it decline the invitation.

Don't feel shit, vehicle.

Anyone who disses someone for not impoverishing themselves buying a present on to if the expense of attending should feel shit.

Yep, for an Irish wedding if you can't /don't want to give the cash, you give a gift from the list. Which is why we had things on our list from €10 upwards.

Or you could be like my fabulous friend who couchsurfed so she had somewhere she could afford to stay and gave us socks in the colours of the country we had met (I had met her there, and then later DH). I still have the socks and smile and think of her and my wedding every time I put them on . Definitely one of my favourite wedding presents

I grew up in an Irish family and I think it really does make you realise how tight and miserly British people often are tbh, especially when compared to a generous culture like the irish

It's not really tight though is it? It's reciprocal- when you get married in Ireland you get a load of cash. In England, lots of toasters/ photo frames. Works out fair, assuming you don't expect different.

Bonkers.

Don't understand the couples are paying less not more. To be fair everybody pays either couple rate £10 per person or single rate £15 per person. yabu