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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by my friend's attitude?

159 replies

LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 21:28

Apologies in advance for the hundredth wedding post!

So, we're going to a wedding soon. In total there are 7 of us, 5 are friends to the bride and groom and two of us are plus ones as partners to the invited. We're giving money as a gift (yes yes, I know, but this isn't a post about money vs gift). Anyway, we were working out how much money to give and we all decided £15 per person would be good but that the couples would each pay a little more (£20). So the 3 single invitees would each pay £15 and the two couples would pay £20 per couple.

It's important to note here that the 3 single friends aren't actually single, their OHs just can't make it to the wedding. Also, both myself and the other plus one aren't close friends of the B&G, I think they're lovely people but it's just that I've only met them twice before.

Just before sealing the envelope single friend A says she doesn't think it's fair she's paying £15 whereas me and my DP (and the other couple) are effectively paying £10 each, so she and single friend B decide to form a 'couple' and pay £20 together. Not only does this leave the third single friend C out it's also not really the point - the reason the couples are paying more is because there are 2 in a couple but the reason we're only paying a bit more is because we're only plus ones rather than life long school friends!

So... AIBU to be a bit upset at friend A?

OP posts:
Original poster
LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 21:50

Sorry, £10! I was thinking of the original amount we said we'd give which was £10 per single, £15 per couple. (Friend A's original suggestion but we increased it because we said that wasn't enough.)

OP posts:
ScrambledEggAndToast · 28/07/2014 21:51

Whilst it's silly to get so annoyed over £5, why should the couples get a "bargain". I can definitely see why the singles are annoyed.

hmc · 28/07/2014 21:51

Pfft! I'm with your single friends and would be frankly fucked off with the nonsensical suggestion of £20 for a couple but £15 for a single. Frankly, what is your rationale?

Original poster
LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 21:52

Fair enough, I did wonder if I was BU by feeling a bit miffed at her. It's just because I'm only a plus one, I felt a bit strange being expected to pay the same as everyone who was good friends with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 21:54

The couples aren't getting a bargain, it's more like my DP paid £15 and I paid £5. Same goes for the other couple. But I can see that £5 is actually nothing really! Maybe couples should have done £25?

OP posts:
EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 28/07/2014 21:55

Are you honestly quibbling about £5? We were invited to next door's daughter's evening do recently, couldn't go, but still gave them £50 towards their honeymoon.

Good grief!

YABU - but it should be the amount per person, if that is how you are working it, ie, single person pays £10/couple pays £20, or single person pays £15/couple pays £30.

It's not rocket science, really, is it??

Yama · 28/07/2014 21:55

YABU. Very much so. Why on earth should there be a supplement for the single people? Ridiculous.

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 28/07/2014 21:56

Isn't this like paying a single person supplement?

Original poster
LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 21:58

Also, the single who is mostly annoyed is the one who got left out by the weird last minute 'coupling off' by single friends A and B.

The three single friends (who aren't actually single!) still signed the card from their OHs.

OP posts:
Original poster
LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 21:58

I think we're going to have to tear open the envelope and start again aren't we...?

OP posts:
FoodieToo · 28/07/2014 22:00

I hate this crap. Why should couples get a discount ???

And more so, are you going to full wedding and giving 15 pounds as gift?

That's incredibly mean in my opinion.

Staryyeyedsurprise · 28/07/2014 22:01

LifesABeachApparently
I think we're going to have to tear open the envelope and start again aren't we...?

Yes, you stingy fuckers Grin

And for my sake, make it total either £75 or £100.

hmc · 28/07/2014 22:01

No it's nothing like paying a single person supplement - a single person supplement is a valid charge when a single person is occupying a double room which would normally be charged at a higher rate Hmm

wafflyversatile · 28/07/2014 22:04

Well there are a few ways to work it.

the plus ones pay nothing because they are not the old school chums sharing memories in the album, but plus ones. In this case X number of old chums pay equal (£15) amounts, regardless of if their partner is attending or not.

As far as I'm aware people don't not buy a present just because they can't go. Many people still buy a present, at least. In which case everyone (as couples) pay the same amount (£20)

Everyone who attends the wedding contributes. singles pay £X and couples pay double.

Some other ways too, probably.

Original poster
LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 22:05

I think you all need to back down about calling the amount stingy. Earlier there was a thread about someone buying an £8 photo frame instead of giving money because they couldn't afford to and everyone was very supportive. We can't afford to give a lot but we're still giving money because we know how much the B&G would love to go on a honeymoon.

This isn't a money vs present post. I was genuinely curious as to whether I'm justified in feeling miffed at my friends last minute change in attitude.

OP posts:
Serenitysutton · 28/07/2014 22:07

£15 or £20 is just tight. You can't give £85 between 7 people!

amyhamster · 28/07/2014 22:08

I apologise for the use of the word stingy
I'd rather buy a cheaper present - like the photo frame idea than give a wedding couple £10 hard cash as it's not obvious then how much was spent

cerealqueen · 28/07/2014 22:08

YABU.

£15 is stingy.

Why treat the people going on their own differently to those in couples?

It is like couples who do rounds together, or bring one bottle of wine to a dinner party.

Or who give one gift to a single friends or a family member, but get two back.

Everybody is a whole person, give a whole amount of money EACH.

Wheelerdeeler · 28/07/2014 22:09

In Ireland the minimum is €150.

You are getting a bargain at £10/15/25

hmc · 28/07/2014 22:09

I agree - people shouldn't brand £15 stingy, that is crass when not aware of the financial situation of those giving

Staryyeyedsurprise · 28/07/2014 22:09

Yes, I apologise too - I thought you'd see it was meant in jest.

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 28/07/2014 22:09

You're right hmc .

And if one part of a couple is invited but unable to attend, I still think they should chip in for their friends' wedding gift.

Incidentally, can I suggest you buy your own drinks and don't try to split a joint bill at the end of the evening.

Chippednailvarnish · 28/07/2014 22:09

£15?

That's a few pints and a packet of crisps, not a wedding gift.

Original poster
LifesABeachApparently · 28/07/2014 22:09

Thanks waffly, I think we either need to crack the envelope open or I need to let it go.

I feel a bit odd about bringing it up with the group. My DP really isn't bothered so he won't say anything and I feel a bit like the interfering girlfriend tbh...

OP posts:
EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 28/07/2014 22:09

I think I answered your question - you all give the same amount - per person (not per couple against single)

Still stingy amount though