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AIBU?

I need to take a deep breath and calm down because I refuse to be called a bridezilla

185 replies

PandaFeet · 28/07/2014 19:17

I am typing on here to keep my thumbs from sending a text that will act like a nuclear bomb.

Getting married in 3 weeks. Hen night booked two months ago. Today one of the bridesmaids has decided she's not going, instead she's going out with her new flatmates. She is the grooms sister!!

As if that's not bad enough, she lied to me and said she couldn't get it off work. Ha! So even she knows that she's in the wrong, or else why lie.

I want to text her and ask why is she even being bridesmaid when she has no interest in the wedding, won't even go to the hen do.

I probably am being a bridezilla. But its hurtful and its hard enough organising everything without a bridesmaid of all people doing this so close to the wedding. And in her text message she's worded it so it sounds like we are even putting her out expecting her to go to the wedding. But if I even say anything I will end up being the one in the wrong, so I have to just grit my teeth and smile through it.

And breathe.

OP posts:

Report

PandaFeet · 28/07/2014 19:48

What exactly does she need to do to 'help' ? this was never part of the deal in my day. If you kick up a fuss you will be heading into Bridezilla territory

I haven't asked anything of any of them. I didn't even ask them to go dress shopping for my dresses or theirs. But in the lead up to the wedding it would be nice to hear that they will help with various things if I needed them to. Which the others are doing. I didn't think that was bridezilla like. Maybe I'm wrong.

OP posts:

ArsenicFaceCream · 28/07/2014 19:49

Being lied to is always ten times worse than whatever the original issue was, I agree.

Don't let it spoil your hen night though. Hopefully an MN vent will do the trick!

Mondayschild78 · 28/07/2014 19:50

Another vote for Castlemilk's excellent advice.

A few years down the line it honestly won't matter whether she was at the hen do or not. Maybe she lied because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. It doesn't make it ok but she may like you more than you think, she just has her reasons for not wanting to go to the hen do.

Have a great time with your friends op.

MrsSchadenfreude · 28/07/2014 19:51

Do what Castlemilk says - that is great advice!

BaileyWhite · 28/07/2014 19:51

Castle is not only insightful, she is cool.
And that is why she gets my vote- not that I wanted it to become some kind of debate as to my perceptions

BaileyWhite · 28/07/2014 19:52

Awwww Picklepest is jealous... because we didn't choose her advice.

PandaFeet · 28/07/2014 19:55

She has just posted on her facebook how excited she is to be being bridesmaid for another friend.

Talking about salting the wound.

OP posts:

MyFairyKing · 28/07/2014 19:57

Yeah, the lying is shit but I think you're BU for hoping she might effuse all over FB about it.

TaraKnowles · 28/07/2014 19:57

Would your MIL have a reason for wanting her to be on the top table or anything else like that?

Have a brilliant night out with your friends.

LittlePeaPod · 28/07/2014 19:58

Panda honestly stop stressing about her. As pissed off as you are rightly so for been lied to she is allowed to be bridesmaid to others and be excited about it.

Focus on your clse friends and facing a great time with them.

MrsJossNaylor · 28/07/2014 20:03

Panda, I thunk you should calm down and rise above it. If she's being a bridesmaid several times this,year, there's every chance she couldn't afford your do so had to make up an excuse.

Even if your activity is "only" £30 or whatever, there'll be food and drinks on top and, probably, at least £100 expenditure over the whole day. Which is a lot to a lot of people.

Going out with her new flatmates will be cheaper and, probably, less awkward as I'm guessing she doesn't know all your mates.

Also you say she's not having to put herself out for the wedding - she is, if she's had to book two days' holiday. I had to do that for my BILe wedding and, while I didn't resent it, it was a big deal as my holiday allowance in that job was so shit.

You need to rise above this, play it cool and not do anything else Bridezilla-ey, as if you do it's not her who looks like the childish one.

EvaBeaversProtege · 28/07/2014 20:06

We stopped our car en-route to my hen do (nothing fancy, just a pub close by to where dh's family live) to pick up SIL (dh's only sister & my bridesmaid)

Her mum answered the door looking shocked to see me, SIL had gone to her boyfriends in another town... MIL refused to believe SIL was well aware of my hen do & defended her. I said no worries, hopped in the car & went on.

Then her boyfriend failed to turn up to the church for our wedding, despite the fact she apparently called him to wake him (he had been on nights the night before allegedly)

Funny how he made it to the reception in time to eat the dinner paid for by us - then they both left without saying goodbye.

18 years down the line I am civil to her, but we're not & never will be friends.

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 28/07/2014 20:06

Go and read castlemilk 's advice again. It's super.

I want 'THE COOL' castle can you post me some please!

PandaFeet · 28/07/2014 20:07

I havent done anything bridezilla ey. Venting on here doesnt make me a bridezilla.

OP posts:

PandaFeet · 28/07/2014 20:09

Eva thats awful!!

OP posts:

Purpleroxy · 28/07/2014 20:11

She's in the wrong and you are right to vent on here rather than say anything. She's behaving like a brat and I'd just let her get on with it and have a good time without her. And always remain civil.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/07/2014 20:12

Vote 247 got CastleMilk's advice.

nyzz · 28/07/2014 20:15

Panda, I totally get what you're saying. It's her brother's wedding and even if she isn't that excited about it (for whatever reason), I think she could just pretend and say something nice about it on FB. The hen thing is just rude. She will probably always be like this and the best thing you can do is rise about it and generally ignore her. She won't change and the SIL for life works both ways!

MrsJossNaylor · 28/07/2014 20:20

But why should she "pretend and say something nice about it on FB", nyzz? You know what, for most people FB isn't a primary form of contact.

Being judged for what you do say on FB is bad enough, but to be judged for what you don't say?!

By that reasoning I should "like" every friends' wedding pic, every friends' new baby photo, every friends' graduation photo, lest I upset those I omit to "like." It's silly.

PandaFeet · 28/07/2014 20:22

I dont even care about facebook that much, but come on, posting about how excited you are to be bridesmaid less than an hour after you dropped out of your sil to be's hen do is just fucking rude.

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/07/2014 20:23

Yanbu - she has been very rude.

I don't really know what to say, I'd be annoyed if it were say, a birthday she was dropping out of.

Unfortunately you are going to be stuck with her for quite some time. Take a deep breath, recognise her for what she is, and move on. Otherwise it will do your head in and ruin the run up to your wedding.

Sounds like I'm having a vaguely similar hen do to you and getting married at almost the same time. Civilised, no plastic willies or demands for weekends abroad!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 28/07/2014 20:25

I don't think you're being bridezillaish at all. Having looked at wedding forums before I got married. I don't see why it's unreasonable to think your bm might attend your hen do. I wonder if the whole her wanting to be bm thing might have actually come from your mil. In which case you should have just said no.

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nyzz · 28/07/2014 20:25

Yes, it might be silly but it would also be a nice to do as it's her brother's wedding. It's only a line or so on FB, nothing major. Especially as she's already commenting on another wedding. Would it be so hard to say something about the brother's wedding too?

No, I don't think anyone needs to comment on / like every photo etc. Most of my likes are done passively and without too much thought :)

PinkyHasNoEars · 28/07/2014 20:27

Are you really sure she would equate the hen do to the wedding - by that I mean, is she really saying that she doesn't care about your wedding by not coming to the hen do?

The reason I'm asking if because I love a good wedding, but a Hen Do is my idea of hell on earth...

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/07/2014 20:32

Please text Castle's suggestion.

That is the kind of text I send people who have really fucking pissed me off irritated me in a minor way. Once I have calmed down. Never text in anger, always take the high road in written forms of communication that the receipient can show other people

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