What would you expect your DH to do?

[notkatemiddleton]

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

Well yes, I'd be pleased at the opportunity to dump the immature twat.

AIBU at its finest I see.
He sounds like a cock, you swearing at him was perfectly reasonable and I would have done the same. He behaved dangerously.

My thoughts exactly. Why oh why?

Summary of this thread for me is:

I am never driving drunk people anywhere ever again (poor taxi drivers)
My DH was reasonable and did enough.
My DH friend is an arsehole

Really not sure why 30 wks pregnant is overly relevant - does it render you incapable of driving sensibly?
He was a knob, you were a drama queen. It's a new day so just let it go

Basgetti- When you put it like that, i am sure that AIBU would have been all over him!

I still don't get why he asked me to hit him. He knew I wouldn't have done it. DH says "Meh he was drunk".

What a load of drama.
Drunk people are annoying, swearing at him at the time was fine IMO is probably have done the same. But going to bed sobbing and still dwelling on it the next day is meladramatic.
You didn't crash the car, nothing actually happened, and your dh isn't responsible for friend'a behavior

Basgetti, imagine:

'AIBU to have got pissed and tried to get a pregnant woman to drink alcohol all evening, insult her when she wouldn't, expect her to drive me home whilst I carrying on insulting her and hitting the back of her driving seat a couple if times, and finally inviting her out to have a physical fight?'

Charming.

No not really, i drive quite a lot so only reason why its relevant is it was reason i wasn't drinking and possibly why I might have reacted the way I did (the crying thing)....am not normally a crier at all!

Being 30 weeks pregnant does not make you incapable of driving sensibly but it is not good to have some drunken idiot thumping the back of the seat and probably making the driver jerk forward in the seatbelt.

Maybe you were upset, OP, because you had an upsetting evening.

Don't dwell on it.

He's clearly a twat.

Definitely don't offer him a lift ever again.

Really not sure why 30 wks pregnant is overly relevant - does it render you incapable of driving sensibly?

Well it would be relevant to me, in that I would feel protective and vulnerable to injury, and be concerned about a crash in the same way I would if I had my DC in the car.

YWNBU, What he did would have really freaked me out. I am a nervy driver, and he could have caused an accident. He was being a complete fuckwit

"Well it would be relevant to me, in that I would feel protective and vulnerable to injury, and be concerned about a crash in the same way I would if I had my DC in the car."

Agree.

I wonder what would have happened if this twat had tried that in a cab? I strongly suspect he'd have found himself out on the pavement walking within seconds of the first incident.

I'm sure i wouldn't have cried about it if i wasn't pregnant. But then again, i wouldn't have been driving if i wasn't pregnant as i would have been drinking!

I guess a part of me has felt more 'cautious' since I got pregnant. Not sure however, if that has anything to do with it.

YANBU for being annoyed with the passenger.
YANBU for wanting an apology for his dickish behaviour.
YABU to expect your DH to extract the apology for you (isn't a second-hand apology a bit crap anyway?). Maybe it's the thread title that's the problem here? It's about your DH, when really you don't seem that cross with him; rather, you're furious with the drunken idiot.
YABU for basically cheering those posters who agree with you, and arguing with those who don't. It seems like bad form.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and try not to let things wind you up so much.

Agree that he was a fuckwit. Going against the grain here, as he is a friend of your DH's I would have expected your DH to have told him to stop the first time. Then when he didn't I would have expected your DH to deal with him.

Yes you overreacted but I'm sure being 30 weeks pregnant driving around at 1am didn't help things.

The only other thing your DH may have thought is that his friend was so drunk and aggressive that intervening might have made him worse...

Actually what you're DH should have done is made you stop the car and threw him out on the way home so he could walk home. I'm surprised he didn't.

oooh hello laqueen. :-)

I hardly think this is "ibu at its finest." I am generally of the view that ibu is a bit of a free for all where people use the ibu tag to say whatever they want
without good reason. but in this case the op has hardly been ripped apart - she has rightly been told she is being over dramatic.

Drunk people are annoying. and yes, I agree I wouldn't want to be a taxi driver at night for any money. But in the light of day the drunk person has sobered up and the sober person has presumably got over whatever the drunken idiot was doing while being a drunken idiot. And while banging on a car seat is stupid behaviour, it's not up there with violence etc it is just stupid idiotic drunken behaviour.

Fwiw I am more or less teetotal and I am probably as intolerant of drunk people as it gets. But I still think that sobbing and expecting the dh to have done more is creating a drama out of nothing.

Chipped- I think you are right on that one, perhaps DH having a go at him or whatever wouldn't have made much sense to him as he clearly wasn't thinking like a sober person would.

I have actually taken a lot on board from this thread. for example, Yes, I prob shouldn't have sworn, i should have just dumped him in the countryside! haha! he'd probably still be walking now.

But why would you need your DH to fight your fights for you?

If you've got a problem with the drunk friend, you deal with it. Why does your DH need to intervene?