What would you expect your DH to do?

[notkatemiddleton]

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

Sorry op, this sounds horrible. My DH firstly would not have expected me to be the driver let alone give other people a lift home at 30 weeks. And if anyone did what your friend did he would have dealt with his friend right then and there! Your DH should have done something, not sit back and allow this drunk man /friend frighten his wife and knock the back of his seat!

ABland- Thats exactly how i felt, I was like 'What the hell was THAT?!!'

Sorry Lily, you weren't there. Nothing I did could have contributed to an accident. the first time, when I was doing about 40mph on a country lane, i was shocked, wondered what had happened and then when i was told it was him, i said his name really loudly "Frank, if you do that again you are walking home".

The second time he did it, I was preparing to break at traffic lights. I could have easily crashed, but i gathered myself quickly enough to park.

I can see why it upset you. After all you were tired, being kind and driving everyone to save everyone the cost and inconvenience of getting a taxi, and the friend was being an immature idiot.

I think your husband has done enough though.

If you want to take it further, it's up to you to speak to the guy, not your DH.

Thank you WyrdByrd!

It's not your DH's job - by making him speak for you, you're reinforcing that you're not in charge and don't deserve your "friend's" respect.

TBF I have form for kicking my DH out and making him walk home when he was in backseat driver mode, so my opinion is probably not the most balanced one you're going to get !

Yanbu. He should apologise to you, not just dh.

How fast were you going to nearly kill you all? Seriously, yes I think we all agree he was being a twat but you were in charge of the car, if it caused you that much worry that you nearly ran a red light it is your responsibility to pull over and calm down (and possibly tell him to get out).

Just to clarify he didn't hit it twice.

He hit the back of my headrest on my seat about three times REALLY VIOLENTLY on 2 occasions.

This is not something that a child could do as he is a grown man of 34, I could deal with my DH and his drunken friends messing about in the back of the car and singing and i can deal with my children messing about screaming/kicking my chair.

But having your head punched forwards like that was not nice.

LaQueen I am reporting you that was totally unnecessary. You are nasty.

BTW you need to read posts properly, I was not asking my DH for an apology.

It kinda sounds like as this thread progresses you are trying to make his behaviour worse and yours better....it's went from the back of the seat being struck to your head being punched forwards. I think if you said that in the first post the responses might have been somewhat different.

But I think your first post may be the more accurate one.

NU. He sounds like my BIL who used to swear at taxi drivers then get upset when they kicked him out before he thought he was close enough to home - the swearing was his idea of how to get a free ride home. He never gave a thought to the rest of us in the cab. I used to tell the driver to pull over and let hm out and that we would pay, just to get rid of him.

He needs burying up to his neck in syrup and being introduced to a hill of ants.

He was a total twat and, whilst I do think you are massively overthinking the possible consequences I can see why and don't blame you at all.

Tell your DH to keep him well away from you for the forseeable future as you have no intention of being polite to him, in any way.

Then get on with enjoying your pregnancy.

Basically, that little boy is not worth another thought. Sod him!

Well I do think " sobbing my eyes out " is a bit of an overreaction..plus you have asked us to consider whether you were being unreasonable so don't get defensive if some people think you were..cos equally some people agree with you..But you asked!!!

Unfortunately WyrdBird, we were almost home by the time he did it a second time. I won't be driving him anywhere again!

Heavily pregnant, hormonal, over protective and scared by a pissed up wanker, a total dickhead in the small hours of the morning.

Yeah, having a shout really was OTT, wasn't it?

OP. Ignore, hide the thread and shout 'fuck 'em all' at the top of your voice.

I'd have stopped the car the first time he did it and told him to get the fuck out. But I have a low tolerance for arsewipes.

Nickynakey- Nope, not at all. As people are asking questions and i am thinking more about it, more is coming back to me on reflection!

My brother in law once did a similar thing to me when I was quite a new driver and reversing in a tight space. He punched the side of the car so I would think I had hit the wall. I screamed and swore at him and he apologised. He was not drunk and I was not pregnant or vulnerable. I did not feel that I acted inappropriately - I thought he did, you do not do that to a new driver who is giving you a lift so you can have a drink and who is struggling to park her first ever pride-and-joy car.

Years later, DH was my new boyfriend and parking his car outside his house. A cat was prowling around and DH mentioned having to be careful of the cat. Just as a joke, I made a loud "wweeeeeeoowwww" noise like a cat in pain. Unfortunately, DH did not yet know me well enough to know that my cat (and other) impressions are absolutely top notch. He nearly jumped out of his seat and looked completely horrified. I immediately apologised profusely! I felt terrible. I thought he would laugh, I never thought for a moment that he would think it was real. If he had given me an earful I would have accepted it - I deserved one.

What a drama over nothing! Drunk people can be annoying, but there's no reason to make such an almighty fuss about it. It sounds to me as if you just wanted to be centre of attention.

He was stupid, you were over dramatic and sweary and I think you both owed each other an apology.

we are not victim blaming, we are all agreeing the guy was a dick, we are just trying to get the OP to agree she may have overreacted?
and that getting her OH to manange it is just reinforcing the "little woman" stereotype.