What would you expect your DH to do?

[notkatemiddleton]

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

". I won't be driving him anywhere again!"

A good decision!

LaQueen- Again- i don't think anyone said I shouldn't be driving.

I think you handled it badly by yourself.
Not sure why you need your dh to do anything.

Another one with you OP - I would never have in my house again let alone in my car

Absolutely, if it was one of my friends then i would have been absolutely mortified if they had done that to my DH when he'd driven us home from a night out.

We have one rule in our car and that's don't distract the driver. Next time stop the car and refuse to move till he gets out.

I think the man is responsible not your DH though

I would have been really upset by this too, op.

Not your DH's attitude, I think he was fine, but by the twat in your car. I wouldn't give him a lift again, and I probably wouldn't bother with him again.

In hindsight, I'd have pulled over and told him to get out. However, you did the best you could. Horrible situation. Impossible to understand his motive really, other than he's a complete dickt.

Ok Notkate you are right I wasn't there. I'm only going by your post and you said that you got so flustered you nearly ran a red light.

I was trying to be helpful but I'm going to leave this thread now as it doesn't seem productive for you and you seem upset.

I think if it affected you so much you should have stopped the car and got him out the first time. It clearly made you so angry it affected your concentration, as in you got even more upset when it happened the second time. I'd never give him a lift again, either, but if I wanted an apology I'd phone him today, right now and ask for one.

He sounds like an immature total knob, but you do always need to stay calm while driving- I once got a bottle of milk thrown by a toddler in my face when two people were fighting in the back seat. I had to wait until the next stopping opportunity to stop the car and sort it out.

And I'm not being nasty, I promise, but I really think you should contact him- you sound like me, I'd stew and stew about it if I didn't, and it also reinforces to him what a dick he was.

I really don't get why people think shouting and swearing at this idiot was over-reaction. OP was 30 weeks pregnant and driving a number of people in dark country lanes when one of them out of the blue hits the back of her seat violently and succeeds in his aim of making her think there has been an accident and she has injured someone. I don't know about you, but in that situation I'd probably jump a mile, and would be pretty shaken up and jumpy. If people are seriously saying, from the comfort of their seats in front of a keyboard or phone, that they would have taken that calmly, I just don't believe them.

Then, having specifically been told not to do it again, the twat does so, nearly causing an accident. Having been told off at least twice, he then thinks it appropriate to start trying to pick a physical fight with a pregnant woman who has just been doing him a favour.

And all you people are saying OP was in the wrong to be shocked and angry about the whole thing? Really??????? What world are you living in?

No LaQueen, but you can take from another anonymous poster that your tone and responses have been pissy and unecessarily superior. Not to mention misrepresenting the situation as OP described it.

'hiding behind ma big, strong man' while I simpered in the background and the 1950s housewife comment had nothing to do with the OPs tale. She did deal with the eejit at the time. She just wants her DH to be more obviously with her than the eejit. That's called mutual support in unecessary times.

Your reaction maybe more to do with you than her!

LaQueen- Well we are going to have to agree to disagree on that as I think calling anyone a 'petulant' 'diva' in any circumstances when you have a snapshot of their life is rather nasty and frankly, goading. "Running to MNHQ" makes you sound like a bully. And the very fact that you said you said that doesn't make you look any less goading or nasty. Good luck!

LaQueen- I think you need to go now.

Yes, he tried to pick a physical fight with a pregnant woman, who was still in her car.

Bloody horrible behaviour, vile man.

OP - you have heard the thoughts of several people who disagree with the way you have handled things, and you still don't think you were being unreasonable, so perhaps you just need to have the courage of your convictions and leave this thread to die a death. It seems to be descending rapidly and isn't sparking much in the way of productive discussion.

No, it isn't SMWSS - but "silly fool" and "petulant diva" are on the PA side of the line, even if you did put a "your post makes you sound like" in there.

Have you read the Site Stuff thread on AIBU?

It sounds awful OP, being stuck in the car with a load of drunk people, having the back of the seat thumped whilst your trying to drive and being quite heavily pregnant also. Next time I would make DH drive regardless of whether you're drinking or not, his friend sounds really childish.

As for pulling over in a dark country road with a car full of drunk passengers and having a go, I don't think that would have been a very good idea.

Notkate it sounds like the straw that broke the camel's back to me. He was winding you up calling you boring all evening then he does something stupid in the car, even after being told not to. I suspect if he hadn't been winding you up all evening you may not have got so angry with him? Anyway, you all got home safely, your DH did tell him off at the time, so IMO no harm done. You now have a very good excuse to refuse to drive for him again

What sort of cock deliberately frightens a driver? That's what I can't understand.

Op, you need one of those bus driver signs "Passengers must not lean forward from this notice. Or behave like drunken cockferrets."

He deliberately tried to frighten you, doing it again even when you'd warned him not to, and then tries to engage you in a physical fight. And people think you overreacted? Well actually they probably don't, some posters just see AIBU as an excuse to give someone a kicking. If you had posted from the perspective of the passenger that you had repeatedly hit the headrest of a heavily pregnant woman you would have been called all sorts and told you were lucky you were only shouted at.