Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you expect your DH to do?

311 replies

notkatemiddleton · 28/07/2014 16:55

Last night, I went out for a meal with some friends for a friends birthday

I drove back to our house as i am 30 weeks pregnant and wasn't drinking but everyone else was (the car was full). I drove because the taxi from our house to the restaurant and back again was £50 each way. So I thought seeing as I wasn't drinking, i would save everyone (including myself) some extra cash.

During the drive back from the restaurant , in the dark, in country lanes, with me driving, when I braked to go around a corner, a friend of my DH thumped the back of my seat, violently to mimic a head hitting the back of it. He was told off by my DH as in "Come on man...." but then did it again at some traffic lights later on in the journey. I got disorientated and almost went through a red light.

We got to our destination and I screamed at him to get out of the car. He said "Hit me then". I shouted "Get out of the fing car otherwise i fing will....get out of my sight".

I went straight to bed, sobbing my eyes out, woke up the next morning and the friend was gone. DH says that he spoke to him and that he was sorry and that he shouldn't have done it. But no apology to me??

Part of me expected my DH to be a bit more brutal with him, after all i was driving.

OP posts:
Andro · 29/07/2014 14:52

Its very difficult to be honest as whilst this guy can be a prat when he's drunk, sometimes he's a good egg.

At this point OP, I'd say it's very simple:

'Darling, I know you value

scarletoconnor · 29/07/2014 15:19

FFS only on mumsnet would you be told you are being unreasonable for snapping and swearing at some drunken cock head for repeatedly hitting the back of your seat while you're 30 weeks pregnant and driving on dark country lanes in order to save him paying for a taxi. WTF is wrong with people on here!

What should op have done waited until they were all in a frickin ditch before shouting, called 101, made him a nice cup of tea to sober up?

I would have quite rightly, shouted too OP and I would have expected my dh to tell his friend to stop punching the chair or he could get out and walk.

He then tried to get you to hit him when you pulled over, sounds like a charmer.
I would tell my dh, he was not being driven anywhere by you again and not welcome in your home when you are there.

Only on mumsnet can you get flamed for defending yourself against a drunk man hitting your seat and trying to start a physical altercation with you.

Next time op maybe write him a little note to say stop, phone 101 for some advice and whatever you do don't defend yourself. Then post on here so the exact same people can flame you for not shouting at him.

In case its not obvious from my post yanbu and people who think you were ott are bvu

Mybigfatredwedding · 29/07/2014 16:00

I think whoever it was upthread who said 'he was a total knob, you were a drama queen' had it in a nutshell.

Icimoi · 29/07/2014 16:19

I'm fairly amazed that the idiot hasn't apologised to OP anyway. I would have thought that a large bunch of flowers and a note saying "Really sorry for being such a prat" is the least he could have done, and he shouldn't have to be told that by OP's husband.

lizzzyyliveson · 29/07/2014 17:13

You know how people do favours for each other on a tit for tat basis? This guy is now at -1, so remember for next time. He needs to do you two big £50 favours before the counter is at zero and you can then think about whether you want to get into doing anything for him again.

ChasedByBees · 29/07/2014 17:14

Did he stay at yours NotKate?

That would have been irritating after his behaviour. He still owes you an apology.

Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 29/07/2014 20:58

Yes unfortunately he was. In a bed I'd laundered and made.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 30/07/2014 02:32

I'm not pregnant, I rarely swear, I hardly ever shout, and I am often the designated driver. I'm not sure you swore enough. Had I been driving, he would have been walking. Having been subjected to a tirade along the lines of "Get the fk out of my fking car you fking fkwit before I rip your fking stupid head off your fking stupid shoulders, you could have fking killed us".

You do not distract the driver - most of us learned that one years ago. I learned it at 17, as did the other people at the same college. At least, we did when the only survivor from the carload of our classmates finally made it out of hospital, and we found out what had happened. It only takes a momentary distraction.

WhatTheFork · 30/07/2014 02:47

YANBU OP.

Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 30/07/2014 11:00

And now DH has invited him to a BBQ we are hosting in a few weeks! Apparently to stay over too! I am so pissed off with DH, he didn't even consult me.

OP posts:
gertiegusset · 30/07/2014 11:15

Consult you? Hmm
I would have thought he'd have asked given the incident the night before last.

Nomama · 30/07/2014 11:36

You have told DH to uninvite him, haven't you?... reasons - you are still fucking furious with the pillock who hasn't even had the courtesy to apologise to you for his gross stupidity.

Until he is officially persona non grata or has made restitution to you there is no BBQ... not as far as you are concerned. Your DH can invite whomever he likes, but if that one person is in attendance you will be [add you preferred relaxing retreat/activity here].

OnlyLovers · 30/07/2014 11:40

Is your DH an idiot?

If this was me, this 'friend' would not be welcome in my home again, at least not when I was there.

LightastheBreeze · 30/07/2014 11:41

Just tell you're DH you don't want him there, and make it very clear that you mean what you are saying

MarmaladeShatkins · 30/07/2014 11:46

Your DH is a wazzock. His friend is an even bigger one if he thinks he can waltz up to your house and eat your food without a massive apology.

OnlyLovers · 30/07/2014 11:49

Round of applause for use of 'wazzock', Marmalade. Grin

Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 30/07/2014 11:51

I know, I am in disbelief at his wazzock-ness.

I have told my DH as much and I will retell him when he gets home from work tonight.

OP posts:
MarmaladeShatkins · 30/07/2014 11:53
MomOfTwoGirls2 · 30/07/2014 11:57

OP, I don't think you were unreasonable. Re the driving incident, I don't think your DH was unreasonable.

Re the BBQ invite, I would insist that your DH resind the invite. And I think your DH was a total ass to invite him. And if your DH hasn't the balls to that, I'd cancel the BBQ.

I would have serious words with DH about the lack of respect he has showed you in inviting this dickhead to your home.

Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 30/07/2014 12:02

I think I am going to cancel the BBQ, my SPD is flaring up again anyway and not sure i can cope with all the bed making and tidying that comes with getting our house ready.

OP posts:
LightastheBreeze · 30/07/2014 12:12

The thing is in a few weeks you are going to be very heavily pregnant and it will be a lot of work for you whilst all around you are getting drunk if your evening out was anything to go by. It could be a repeat performance without the car bit.

You will end up having all the work and no fun.

Original poster
notkatemiddleton · 30/07/2014 12:25

I know (don't remind me about the pregnancy thing- its really strange being called 'heavily pregnant' even though i am!).

The other friends coming are mutual friends and they are bringing their children. I will feel slightly guilty about cancelling it as they have given us some lovely things for the baby and they will miss out because of him.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 30/07/2014 12:31

Wait, he tried to pick a fight with you - a heavily pregnant woman - in addition to all the chair thumping and putting everyone's lives at risk. No fucking way should he be there!

I would go ahead with the BBQ (your DH can do the work as you have SPD and uninvite the pillock. I'd be tempted to phone and uninvite him myself. that would cause massive ructions and may be controlling yes, but I would anyway

MarmaladeShatkins · 30/07/2014 12:33

Don't cancel it!

Tell your DH that donkey work is out for you so he needs to man the fuck up and take care of shit.

Before he ponders on how he will manage the terrific task of entertaining a few friends with cooked meat, he can ring tosspot and tell him that it's not a good idea for him to come, since he offered his pregnant wife out a few nights ago and he was wrong to invite him.

Why should you miss out on a nice afternoon with actual friends?

LightastheBreeze · 30/07/2014 12:35

Maybe if the children are all coming, have the barbecue but don't invite anyone to stay over, which should give you much less work - and un-invite the twattish friend.

I said heavily pregnant because you said in a few weeks time Smile