To think a whole class except 3 party sends a very pointed message.....

[starterforeight]

I'm trying to get my head round this as it is affecting the way I see someone I know well.

I'd rather not say which part I am currently playing in all of this so as to get a truly non biased opinion.

The children concerned are more than old enough to notice who is and isn't invited to a party and much discussion takes place about who's going, what they're going to wear, what they're going to do.

Yes - it's a pointed message. What that message actually is is "I am a TWAT"

I've always tried to teach my children that its ok to be themselves, not to have to confirm, to be individual.

But after years of them being excluded from everything it affects their self esteem, confidence everything really.

Dd is now seeing a counsellor. Ds seems to have suddenly become accepted since his special interests & now the in thing with other children too.

Or once they invited friends outside of school, family, neighbours kids play with that attend other schools they were limited places left ANd the child isn't particularly friendly with the three not going and parents just have tickets on themselves and are paranoid.

I think it sends a pointed message yes.

I wouldn't think pointed message. I'd think mistake either in realising how few were missed out, or that any were.

When I was year 2 dm told me to write down who I wanted at my party. I didn't have a best friend/particular friendship group so I wrote down all the girls that I did anything with. So the girls on my maths table went in, the girls I read with, the girls I did the after school things with.
Dm looked at the list and said "Is that all the girls?"
"Oh no!" I said, "These are just my friends"
SO dm asked me who wasn't on the list.
"Denise and..."
"Is she the only one?"
Oh no, there's lots more..?"
So dm asked the teacher and it turned out Denise was the only one not on my list so she invited her too.

Now I genuinely thought there were others, and was really surprised to find that wasn't the case. In my defense, about 3-4 girls had left that year, so it perhaps wasn't surprising, I didn't know. But if dm had just taken me at face value and hadn't followed it up then Denise would have been the only one left out. I was as friendly to her as some of the others, just happened not to be in any groups with her at that time.

Dd2 got missed out of a lot of parties in year R and 1 because she had a similar name to a friend, and a lot of the children called them both by the friend's name (think Sarah/Zara) and it turned out that lots of the parents had said "no there's not two Sarah?" and those who had intended to invited dd2 but not "Sarah" had assumed and put "Sarah" on the invite so dd2 still didn't get it. Because she then wasn't at the parties the parents didn't notice this until part way through year 1 and then I got a lot of apologies.

It's horendously bad manners and downright cruel. It sends the clear message that the parents think it is ok to behave in a cruel way. Makes them bad parents in my book. I know my 7yo wouldn't be happy to exclude other children in this way so I guess it sends the message that the family hosting does not have the manners or consideration of a 7yo.

No :o

It's just everyone always assumes the worst. I can understand the parents of children with additional needs who are naturally going to be upset if their kids aren't invited.

But everyone else's paranoia that somehow another child's party is all about them and proving some point ets ridiculous.

There are sooooooo many reasons as to why this could have happened.

Well on the face of it it could be mean, however how are we to know based on what you've told us?

No I wouldn't take it as a pointed message on the basis of this.

My DD was left out of a couple of parties because she joined in January and the parents were using the nativity list to do the invites.

It was pretty annoying.

Unless the 3 excluded had something in common I can only think that no malice was intended.

I think I've got it.

Party Parent bought 2 packs of 12 invitations. As there are 25 children, they thought leaving one out would be off so upped it to three.

See, possible that no pointed message was intended?

Of course, as you have been deliberately vague you will come back and say nothing could be further from the truth.

I've just come in from being out and was hoping for more revelations.

Disappointed

Haven't read past the first page, but it hate this "rule" thing. Invite who you want, exclude who you want. Life isn't fair, everyone doesn't get a turn or a go. If there is a reason for leaving out 3 kids-be it child's behaviour or falling out with the parents-then so be it. Life is tough!

OP, now that you have lots of responses saying pretty much the same thing would you please come back and tell us the full story? Thanks

Do we have a conclusion as to why they weren't invited or what the message is yet?

Freckle that attitude stinks. Yes life is tough but schools have a duty to foster a loving and giving environment and part of the responsibility for that lies with the parents.

Of course invite small groups of your DC friends but DO NOT invite the whole class apart from a few outcasts. Disgusting behaviour.

Momb OP might have a life beyond Mn...she may have posted and gone out..people are allowed to do that you know.

Maybe it's a cryptic message...

Perhaps the host parent is a MNer, has read this thread, realised the error of their ways, invited the missing 3 children and OP is now celebrating?

Or maybe the OP is the host mum and is now so ashamed that the majority think she might BU that she can't show her face on this thread again?

Or maybe we're never going to find out what's going on, and every year, we'll gather on MN to discuss the mystery of the missing invites.

I was 13 when this happened to me. I had just joined the class from another one in the same year (been moved to the highest set) and the girl in question didn't invite me and one other girl who had also recently joined the class. We knew the birthday girl but she didn't feel she wanted to invite us even though she knew us for a few months. It didn't bother me it was her choice and actually it was the other kids in the class that were more shocked. But once I expressed that I wasn't bothered as it was the birthday girl's choice who she invited all the fuss died down.

At the time I was actually more relieved tbh as wouldn't have been able to afford to buy a birthday present as parents were going through a nasty divorce and money was very tight. I think as a parent you can't help but feel for the children who get excluded but some children can be resilient.

One of my DC's has been excluded from a party, in a very pointed manner, and is of an age where the DC knows.

However, I know the reason, as does the other excluded children and their mothers.

Parents usually know and it's normally fallings out / different play groups. It's not normally for no reason - and OP is clearly aware as to why it's an issue.

It happened to me too...at 10. A girl invited ALL the class except me and one other girl.

I foolishly asked her why and she blushed deep red and said "Because I don't invite people like YOU to parties."

I was for the record no different to the other girls....well dressed, moderately popular and from a decent home so why she did that I have NO idea.

Maybe I'd slighted her once?

A life outside MN? I'm sorry I don't understand what you are saying MrsW