To think a whole class except 3 party sends a very pointed message.....

[starterforeight]

I'm trying to get my head round this as it is affecting the way I see someone I know well.

I'd rather not say which part I am currently playing in all of this so as to get a truly non biased opinion.

The children concerned are more than old enough to notice who is and isn't invited to a party and much discussion takes place about who's going, what they're going to wear, what they're going to do.

I think allowing a child to exclude a small number of children from a (nearly) whole class party is parent-sanctioned bullying.

If the OP had asked if she was U to think that it isn't on to exclude just 3 children from a whole class party, she might not have had the inquisition that she did.

By asking if it is U to think it sends a pointed message, you have to know what sets those 3 children apart from the rest.

Owlcapone

YANBU, it looks like a pointed message.

If your DC is one of the excluded ones, I would ask why as you appear to call this woman a friend and as you say it is affecting how you see her, that won't change.

If your DC isn't one of them, I would still ask as maybe she hasn't realised that it has been noticed.

I was once really upset my DS wasn't invited to one of his best friends parties esp as this boy had come to his. It turned out they thought I was rude for not responding to their invitation, that had been handed out at school and was mislaid.

Maryz indeed. Awful story though, poor child.

Haven't ever had to call someone on that kind of thing and hope I never do.

Had a slightly similar experience when a mother was organising a school mum's night out, pass the word. I checked three times and each time she reassured me that yes, everyone was invited. Until I invited some of the childminder mums, that is. She sent me an awful text basically saying that they could come "this time" but "people like that" weren't to be invited again. it really upset me. I have boycotted the mums' nights ever since on principle.

Without knowing the reasons it's really difficult to decide. On the surface it looks to be unreasonable.

If the 3 excluded DCs were bullies and had caused a lot of upset to the party giver I could understand. There's no way I'd host a party and invite DCs who persistently bullied the party child. But if that isn't the case I'm mystified.

Your the teacher or group leader

Its causing a stir in your classroom/grouo

If this is the class I'd had asked the mother.

I'm going against the majority here.
My DD hasn't been invited to class parties quite a few times this school year.
But really it's up to the party giver who they wish to invite. I don't see why people should be guilt tripped in to inviting everyone, particularly if the birthday girl/boy doesn't like them.
One has to face harsh reality of life. Not everyone is going to be liked/popular.

I think allowing a child to exclude a small number of children from a (nearly) whole class party is parent-sanctioned bullying

In my experience of this it was led by the parent rather than the child.

The OP has laid out information indicating that she thinks this is a deliberate act so yes I agree with her.

Whether she tells me more detail is neither here nor there I'm judging on the detail given.

The foaming at the mouth of some posters with the OP for not giving more info is utterly bizarre.

YANBU.

Agree with Hulababy's post at the beginning of the thread and also agree that if you aren't sure which children are in the class you should check before putting the list together.

The same thing applies to adult social groups. You can't invite everybody to everything, but excluding a small minority is just wrong.

Very much agree Maryz.

I also think that if a child is so young that they can't list the children in their class their teacher or TA will be quite happy to run an eye over your party list to check that nobody has been excluded.

I'd also be worried if if knew that either of my children had been repeatedly excluded from parties to which the rest of the class had been invited. (Both about my child and the other parents).

When I was 10 I had a birthday party to which I invited everyone in my class of 30, bar 3. One was a bossy bully who I despised, one was a compulsive thief who had stolen many items from me (some of which were returned, some not) and one who used to copy all my school work, which annoyed me intensely. I did, however, invite all the "less popular" kids in the class who didnt normally get invited to parties. I don't think it entered into my mother's head that this could be perceived badly. It certainly didn't enter into mine and I had a fantastic party. My dd is a bit young yet (3) but if she wanted to do the same thing I'm not sure what I'd do - I'd probably have said yes before reading this thread if her justifications were legitimate, now I'm not so sure!

YABU. Maybe birthday child doesn't like or play with the others. Absolutely ridiculous. Life isn't fair, best children learn this early on.

I think teaching children to be kind and inclusive pays more dividends in the long run.

Lucy who you never play with invited Emma, jane and sarah to her party = life

Lucy invited everyone in the whole class except you = either you have done something really wrong and you should find out what or Lucy's parents are twats.

Or you have just joined the school and the party was already planned.

I'm assuming no one would just not invite 3 kids for no reason. maybe the child's a bully (and it may depend on the type of bullying), maybe the parents have had a falling out (and I'm not talking a normal falling out, I'm thinking something more serious - I have heard of mums being physically violent to each other or having affairs with the others husband...), maybe the child is very badly behaved, maybe the parent causes problems at parties etc etc and then there's always the possibility of invited getting lost.

there are some nasty people. I got left out of the 'whole class' party of a pair of twins every year. I never ever understood it, the girls always told me I would be invited, I never was. From discussions with my mum as an adult she didn't simper to the shit their mum spouted in the same way the others did. I mean wtf?

and my mum definitely wasnt having an affair with her husband , just thought she was pretentious.

Fact is there are several circumstances where is might be perfectly reasonable for these children to be left off the list. Without more information, which the OP has made it clear she's not willing to give, we can't really call it either way.

No one should feel forced into inviting someone they don't really want to their birthday party. Parents should respect that even if they don't like it. Life is sometimes a bit unfair and in this situation someone is going to find they are on the unfair end, either because they're not invited or because they've had to invite someone unwanted.

Geez everyone is so intense.

DS1 has been one if 2 or 3 not invited to a party. Not a big deal.

You need to accept you don't get invited to every party, it is not bullying, just not a big deal.

Yabu

who remembers the kids parties they didn't go to in their childhood?