To think a whole class except 3 party sends a very pointed message.....

[starterforeight]

I'm trying to get my head round this as it is affecting the way I see someone I know well.

I'd rather not say which part I am currently playing in all of this so as to get a truly non biased opinion.

The children concerned are more than old enough to notice who is and isn't invited to a party and much discussion takes place about who's going, what they're going to wear, what they're going to do.

Giles I'm in the process of organising a party. I still decide who to invite or who not to invite from all the people I know. Of course, the numbers are impacted by budget but the people who make up those numbers are chosen because of who they are. It's not accidental if I invite you and not zzzz. There's been a decision process.

The decision process might not mean I don't like zzz as much. It might mean I think zzzz wouldn't like the type of party or she doesn't know the other guests so might be uncomfortable or any one of a million reasons but either way the decision relating to zzzz 's invite is about zzzz.

It seems odd to imply that isn't the case unless you choose your guestlists by putting random names in a hat and picking them out.

She's answered nothing.

She's sure there's no bullying involved but how eiukd she know?

She knows there's no sen. Again unless she's related to these people or is their dr she can't be sure.

She thinks there's a message yet no one on here has been able to figure out what it is which she won't even acknowledge as she wants nothing more than for people to agree with her, and ignore the fact that she's given nothing away.

If she is soooo damn sure she's either got acess to confidential information or is the mum of the excluded child.

But she just sounds like a gossip tbh

Your missing the point. The point is that there is no message.

It's not a fuck you zzzz

It's not a " we don't like your mum so you aren't coming"

Infact god forbid hurting or upsetting zzz wasn't remotely intended and zzz mum is just paranoid that they are being deliberately horrible and can't realise that maybe her child is a bulky and kids are scared of her or she's allergic to at a and the birthday child has one. Or she could have the same name as another kid and there was only one invite for zzz as mum didn't realise there's were two.

And it could be an honest mistake. But that wouldn't make good reading would it.

Allergic to cats

It would mean you weren't a good reader rather than the thread not being good reading because the OP already said the dcs weren't bullies and that the dm knew she hadn't invited three dcs (so no confusion over name).

Ah but zzz you weren't invited not because I didn't like you but because you wouldn't have enjoyed the activities. And I would have explained that to you, invited you to my next soiree and maybe even kept you some .

No one can be sure they aren't bullies. People are often in denile that their precious baby could be he bully.

She knows what her friend has told her which shock horror might not be the full story given it's none of her business or she doesn't want to be a gossip. Perhaps op has form for overreacting and gossiping about others which is why she wasn't told anything ??

Have tried to read most posts but have probably missed some, so in answer to the original question, which I think was something like - does excluding 3 children send a pointed message? My answer would be, yes it does and sometimes the message is intentional and sometimes it isn't. I hope that clears the whole issue up

Why does she have to tell you how she knows? You and I have both said that these sorts of details are confidential information. Yet you [not just you btw!] persist in saying you won't take her questions seriously unless she lets on how she knows.

She can't win . . . if she said, for instance, " I know there is no bullying, or SEN, or allergies involved because I was a TA for this class in the previous year," then someone would post OMG I can't believe you are posting this, that is soooo unprofessional, get this thread deleted, if I knew who you are I'd report you to the Headteacher, people like you don't deserve to work with children blah blah blah. Come on, you KNOW that would happen.

I don't understand the question :(

I think she thinks she knows but won't admit there could be things she doesn't know. And I think she's probably a gossip and started this thread because she's pissed off with her friend not because if what's happened but because the friend won't tell her whats happening. And because she wo to tell her op can't get all righteous with her so decided to start this thread for some collective handwringing.

I would suggest OP is maybe the class teacher? Would explain how she knows several more personal details of party thrower, and why she will have to see them regularly.

But regardless, OP I think only you can decide if you think it's unreasonable as there's a clear split between other posters.

Personally, I would not invite someone to my child's party who they clearly expressed they didn't want there, but I would want to know why they didn't and would maybe use that information to speak with excluded child's mother. My DD is in a class of 12, she has not been invited to every party nor did she invite all her class to hers. No real reason except I allowed her to choose 20 children (max number I was allowing was 25, 5 remaining we're her and other family) but how she wanted to split that between school, dance and outside friends was down to her.

OP cannot possibly be the class teacher. If she were, she would use 'refute' correctly.

Oooh! The grammar police!

The definition / usage police surely owl. Nothing wrong with the grammar, just the wrong meaning.

Maryz, just out of curiosity, when you boycotted parties, had you already accepted the invite then changed your mind? Or immediately said you weren't going? and did you tell the host why?

I get the feeling the OP has already suggested to the party host that this wasn't acceptable, and was brushed off. I don't see this thread as being necessarily about party invitation etiquette any longer, now it's 'what do I do when someone I thought was nice/like-minded turns out to be a twat?' Maybe you need a separate thread for that OP?

Wow, those are nasty! So what's been the fallout, or has there been any? Do these mums give you a wide berth now? Did anyone else back you up? Sorry I'm hijacking thread a bit, but I think OP has her answer and at least some people's sympathy/understanding of the situation.

Gawd, even I didn't do that with DS's party, and that's with a mother of a class mate who blatently ignores me! It was either all boys, or just a very limited number of boys, can't just not invite a small number.

In the end she didn't bring her DS to the party but there's no way I would make a child feel so bloody awful at not being invited.