getting annoyed at botoxed friends getting told how young they look

[joshandjamie]

Yes, I probably am being unreasonable. And yes, I should remove my judgey pants from my overly clenched buttocks, BUT:

several of the mums from school who I hang out with have botox. And fillers. And liposuction and any other range of artificial beautifying processes beyond the normal hair, manis and make up. Each to their own. I would personally never do it because I worry about the safety side of things AND it feels like cheating.

What irritates me is that whenever they post pics of themselves on Facebook or even go out in real life, they always get loads of comments raving about how young they look, that they haven't aged a day since high school and that they're just getting more stunning by the minute. In contrast I look like the wrinkled crone in the corner.

It makes me want to yell: THAT BECAUSE THEY HAVE PUMPED THEIR FACES FULL OF BOTOX!!!

I'm going to guess that that would be unreasonable to do. (Doesn't mean I wouldn't love to do it. Just once).

I realise this makes me sound like a huge cow and I know that they are perfectly entitled to do what they like and feel good about themselves when people notice. I just think it's slightly unfair that those of us who don't 'cheat' get viewed as being old or having let themselves go, if we don't go the botox route. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

[Birdsgottafly]

""It's the natural depletion of collagen on the skin that creates lines and wrinkles and takes the fullness out of the face. Once they figure out how to restart collegen production again and suddenly all the wealthy gorgeous people of the world go back to plump faced teenagers I will have to admit I will be extremely jealous and bitter.""

The laser treatments are advancing, they give really good results.

I've had Botox and fillers, my DD (28) has had a new type of filler for frown lines and it looks naturally smooth.

I have face peels, I will be opting for a laser treatment when I hit 50.

I agree that the attitudes towards ageing needs to change.

I hope they will as older women become more visible in the workplace, I plan on working until I'm 70, at least.

It's depressing that when you hit over 45 and feel fantastic, everyone, including other women, try to tell you what you should or shouldn't be doing/wanting/feeling.

I can perfectly understand the want to appear younger, or fresher faced.

[Ponkernonsir]

Big lips are fillers. Plumping is fillers. Hard tight shiny forehead is a lift. Smooth around the eyes and sometimes reduced eyebrow movement - that's Botox.

[Suzannewithaplan]

Yes I've heard that laser treatments are advancing, there are also lasers for home use and lasers in dentistry.

[sebsmummy1]

Thing is you only have to look at Katie Price to see that Botox and fillers do not automatically equate to youthfulness. When her face is totally static and lighting is flattering she can look lovely. Directly you see her on TV trying to talk and laugh she looks like a stroke victim, it's horrible.

Even worse is the scandalous amount of cosmetic dentists prepared to damage young people's teeth by filing then down and replacing them with veneers in the name of beauty. I think it's hugely unethical. I was given a veneer at 15 years of age and I regret it massively, would go anything to turn back time. The thought that these TOWIE people are held up as role models to our children is scary shit. I will fight so hard to stop any children of mine having that kind of dentistry done. Teeth are so so precious and tooth problems/ psi. can destroy quality of life.

[sebsmummy1]

*pain

[Mrsjayy]

Oh the shine is a lift oh see loads of shine on tv these days tbh if a woman or man wants to have a lift plump or fill then carry on but they do not look younger they just look lifted plumped and filled,

[Suzannewithaplan]

I would worry a bit about fillers tbh, that the substances used would cause some stress to the body.
I think implants like that are my line in the sand.
(probably completely wrong)

[Birdsgottafly]

"Sometimes my 'no botox' rule wavers and I think....'maybe just a teeeeeny bit?' I looked at these woman and thought 'no way, I want to be like them'.""

I don't, I will never embrace my grey.

That's the point, we are all individuals, who make different choices, those choices don't make us any better/worse/less vain/more intelligent/feminist etc.

I agree with Apocalypse, the views expressed on any of these threads certainly don't reinforce that looks aren't important, or that women have the right to look and spend their money on whatever they choose to.

[Suzannewithaplan]

Katie Price has a certain 'look' which women of a certain cultural group aspire to.

I think she is common and thick.

[Nancy66]

A friend of mine had her nose to mouth lines filled - can't remember what the substance was called but it's blue when it goes in. Doc said 'oh don't worry, it turns invisible after a few hours.' But hers didn't! So she had blue lines in her face for about 3 months until it broke down

[Joysmum]

I should hope they do look younger, it'd be a waste of money if they didn't!

I've had a void job and tummy tuck done after I lost 6.5 stone. I struggled to decide because I used to be so anti, as well as the obvious safety issues.

It's great, I got my B/C cup breast back again. I literally had empty pouches plus was very lopsided thanks to a butcher doing emergency surgery on one breast a number of years back.

I also had my tummy overhang removed.

DH really couldn't understand what I felt I needed anything doing, bless him he'd never changed in his attraction towards me however I was.

I've gone from not wanting to be seen naked to being confident again.

It's funny, because those I hit the most stick from were those most het up on looks by plastering on makeup, buying latest fashions and face creams etc. I'd never felt the need for that, still don't.

I don't regret the choices I made and I couldn't never hope to change the minds of people I don't respect and their opinions don't matter.

If I'm shallow for having it done, I'm no more shallow than anyone else it for caring!

[Staryyeyedsurprise]

Gennz

I have botox about once a year on the deep furrow between my eyebrows (not at the moment though as am pregnant).
Can I ask why being pregant makes a difference to you?

Also the idea that all women who've had work done look scary and plastic is also totally wrong - bad/too much work looks scary, good/restrained work looks great.
Obviously no-one goes in and says "give me too much, make me look daft" - it just happens over time, same as people who use false tan can end up orange because they stop noticing their tans or people who get highlights me go blonder and blonder as their hair never seems light enough. I doubt many people look at themselves and think "I look daft", but just the same way as it's obvious to others when someone has too much false tan on or too harsh a dye job, it's pretty obvious.

[Mrsjayy]

Oh god a blue face

[Flipflops7]

What stopgap said. Also I wouldn't have Botox because it scares me.

I am 54, not an actress or model so I think I only have to try to look as good as I can which means sorted hair, average weight, youngish and stylish clothes. I am also happy being more invisible than when I was younger. I look fine for my age but all the toxins and diets in the world wouldn't make me look like some of the teens I see (I wasn't one of those teens either :) ). We can choose not to accept the pressure; I don't think it will go away. I enjoy some of the superficiality of it. I guess it's a line we draw where it suits us.

[Birdsgottafly]

""I would worry a bit about fillers tbh,""

The've just been re-regulated, if you get fillers you should have a consultation from someone medically qualified.

Then if they will give you the results you want, the Nurse has a Doctor prescribe enough filler, for your needs, you pay depending on the amount prescribed.

I use a Nurse that works in my local hospital, for even my face peels.

I've taken my youngest DD to a medically qualified beautician for semi permanent eye liner.

The lack of qualifications/training in some practitioners is scary.

[KoalaDownUnder]

There's a massive industry making zillions by playing on our fears of ageing and then selling us crap to 'fix' it.

This is what I don't like about it.

The question of where to draw the line in making ourselves look younger/better is interesting. I understand what the OP is saying. I suppose Botox feels a bit more 'cheaty' because it's so expensive.

[weatherall]

birdsgottafly but 'choices' aren't made in a vacuum.

We live in a patriarchal society where everything that isn't for men's benefit is hated. Older women being one.

Women feel that they have to keep looking young and fuckable so that they don't become invisible.

I don't think women are consciously thinking this, the pressure is so omnipotent we don't realise how much we are influenced by it.

That's why I don't think it's feminist behaviour to criticise women who do have Botox etc. it's really just a form of victim blaming.

[Gennz]

starry

personally I don't think that a Botox injection could harm the baby but some do recommend against it and in any case I can't really justify spending the money on it at the moment. It's not much of a hardship to go without it, I only gt it once a year anyway.

Yes some people do become blind to how they look or how far they've gone, but objectively speaking, quite a few women at my work have had work done. Some look great, just a really good version of themselves for their age, and some look a bit too tweaked. In one case, one woman had bad permanent fillers and looks like shs always wearing a mouthguard. Yikes.

[Birdsgottafly]

"". I am also happy being more invisible than when I was younger. ""

When I say invisible, I mean it's as though we should be fading into the background and are less of an assest, just because we are ageing.

Unless you work in the porn industry, your sexual attraction to a % of men, shouldn't matter in the workplace, but the same sexism exist within the workplace, that does in wider society.

I've just switched jobs, I've had very negative reactions to that, but unlike my 20's/30's, at 46, I can work whatever hours I want, without interruption from children, ttc etc.

I am hoping to work for 25+ years, so gone are the days when we shouldn't be seen as valuable as a younger woman (or man) who can't give the commitment to the working hours I can, at my stage of life.

[Suzannewithaplan]

Birdsgotta thanks for the info!
I also would worry about what happens when the filler dissipates, is there a trough or indentation where the filler used to be?
Or does it stimulate collagen production so that the original line is filled in?

[Gennz]

I didn't get botox to look "young and fuckable". I did it because I had a massive great furrow down between my eyes from frowning over contracts and small print and it made me look pissed off and tired when I wasn't.

I am a feminist. I am financially secure, I have a professional career, I am pro-choice, I kept my own name when I married. I don't need to satisfy some arbitrary botox-related so-called feminist criteria to keep my feminist card.

[fromparistoberlin73]

yabu

and what the hell school do you go to where you have so many botoxers, are you are a scouser or a WAG

seriously if their beheaviour makes you feel bad about yourself you need to take action, whatever it might be. defriend the, from facebook for starters!!! remove yourself from the situation

[fromparistoberlin73]

In contrast I look like the wrinkled crone in the corner.

therein lies the problem my friend- if you dont like looking like a "wrinked hag" adress it- there are many ways to look youthful botox aside

[Flipflops7]

Birds, your point about working applies to me as well, so I do take it. What I was trying to say was that men look at young / fuckable or sometimes just the latter as they are hardwired to do. That look often does women no favours, in personal or professional terms. So I meant I was not lamenting the loss of that kind of attention. I shudder to think what I'd have to wear to get it :). Continuing to look viable and employable is really important.

[noddyholder]

My doctor said botox only really works on dynamic lines which is why it worked for me as i never wore my glasses and have forehead lines from squinting. The rest of my face is unlined and still looks ok at 49. My friend who is younger wanted it but he said hers was sun damage and it would be pointless