To feel a bit put out by wedding invite

[iamusuallybeingunreasonable]

Part of me understands it's up to the bride and groom who they invite, but the other bit of me is so annoyed by this...

DH friend invites me and DH to his wedding, but not our two children aged 12 weeks and 4 years. Fine, I tell DH I can't go because a) we have no childcare or people to palm kids off on, besides DS is breastfed, and b) I don't want to take baby and abandon DD on someone and her feel left out. Thought I would've the adult and tell him to go alone. This was weeks back, it's the wedding weekend coming up and it turns out that it's not a child free wedding at all, and other mates of DHs are taking their kids along as apparently they said to the couple if the kids can't come neither can we - I would never be so rude!!

Anyway, DH has worked the last three weekends, I'm knackered and here comes another weekend on my own with two kids, in sapping heat, and it might be my emotions boiling over but it feels so unfair...

WIBU to expect a massive treat from DH for putting up with this kind of inequality?!

I get your point about the wedding, I'd be peed off too. I don't understand why your dh needs to make it up to you though?

Well it's not your DH's fault really, assuming he had to work. Pride yourself on not being so rude as others and plan a nice kid-free weekend.

Has dh known for a while about the other families?

So you CAN now take your kids? So go.

Because obviously everyone else's DHs have decided to be cheeky and say they are not going unless their kids can come... Plus he gets a day off, a chance to relax, get dressed up, drink nice drinks eat nice foods, stay in a hotel, have a lie in, eat a cooked breakfast, shift his hangover in peace while I tear my hair out for fourth weekend in a row!

I wouldn't ever just turn up with kids uninvited, I would be mortified in shame!!

Your DH and you are invited to a wedding. You don't want to sort childcare/babysitting for a few hours. So don't go, what on earth does he have to 'make up' to you?

If it was a close friend of yours getting married, would you make sure you were there?

YABU. People don't spend thousands and months planning their day purely with the intention of making someone feel annoyed.

Take the kids and go with him...I don't see the problem!

The problem was that you don't have childcare - that's not the bride and grooms fault.

Well PintofTea it transpires he knew for a while, but he's not a good communicator of info, so only just mentioned it in an off chance way post the stag

I would be mortified in shame

why?

Yabu for expecting a treat because he has been working and now has to go to a wedding.

I don't blame either of you for not asking if you can take your dc. I wouldn't either.

No bouncing, we don't have childcare, they are all at the wedding or dead, but then neither do the other guests and their kids are going - I totally get it's up to the bride who goes, what I don't get is what makes my kids less worthy!

Well, I can see why you're annoyed, but presumably you don't blame your husband for being at work the last three weekends, so it's a bit unfair to bring that into the equation. Does he work all week as well, or is he due some weekdays off for working those weekends?

You aren't put out by the wedding invite so YABU there.
You are put out by your DH's attitude - YANBU there.

Would you want to be married to a cheeky beggar though!? I would be annoyed at the situation, but not at dh. Assuming you decided together he was going alone, I can't see why you would begrudge him a good time.

Mn would collapse without wedding invites I reckon.

I don't think your kids are less worthy - why do you feel that? Surely if your husband knew that other people were taking their kids he could have asked if you could take yours - what does he have to say on the matter?

Your poor DH... Are you usually this high maintenence?

Not at the moment, he's covering other peoples pat leave, and I get he's working hard, but so am I and I have two kids 24/7 as well - it's annoying, I will live, I just feel a bit put out and he definitely owes me one, his mates other halves obviously threw their toys out the pram big time, not something I'm akin to doing

In think people are forgetting what looking after two kids (a three month old baby!!!) is like for 7 days in a row.

Harder than 7 days work in a row for sure.

It may not be the dhs fault but she does deserve come kind of 'cheers for looking after my kids with no help for a whole month, have a day off next Saturday' type thing for sure in my book.

I'd be pissed off and grumpy too.

You feel you are "owed one" and your dh is the closest target for that feeling. I get what you're saying, but it doesn't seem fair.

I would imagine the B&G very reluctantly invited the children of the couples who rudely put a gun to their head, but are not inviting the children of the polite couples who did no such thing, as they are still anxious to keep the number of children down to a minimum.

Oh get a grip, he doesn't 'owe' you anything. You have had plenty of time to arrange childcare but clearly you would rather play the martyr.

So did he know in time for you all to go?

That would be annoying.

No, YANBU, OP. A 4 year old and a 12 week old is hard work; whilst your husband is working hard at weekends, you are too.

So, as he gets to have fun this weekend at his mate's wedding, yes, you should get a weekend 'off' in the near future where you can have some fun (or rest) and he takes care of the children.