To feel a bit put out by wedding invite

[iamusuallybeingunreasonable]

Part of me understands it's up to the bride and groom who they invite, but the other bit of me is so annoyed by this...

DH friend invites me and DH to his wedding, but not our two children aged 12 weeks and 4 years. Fine, I tell DH I can't go because a) we have no childcare or people to palm kids off on, besides DS is breastfed, and b) I don't want to take baby and abandon DD on someone and her feel left out. Thought I would've the adult and tell him to go alone. This was weeks back, it's the wedding weekend coming up and it turns out that it's not a child free wedding at all, and other mates of DHs are taking their kids along as apparently they said to the couple if the kids can't come neither can we - I would never be so rude!!

Anyway, DH has worked the last three weekends, I'm knackered and here comes another weekend on my own with two kids, in sapping heat, and it might be my emotions boiling over but it feels so unfair...

WIBU to expect a massive treat from DH for putting up with this kind of inequality?!

I think so too Vintage, it's can't believe how rude his mates are, just goes to show in this life, those who are cheekiest get the most rewards... I will be keeping myself adequately busy for me not to have time to give it a second thought on the day, but yes I wouldn't mind five minutes to myself after the event as a treat

Your husband should go to the wedding, and take the kids out the following day.

I wouldn't take my kids to a wedding that was child-free on the basis that some other people have strong-armed the bride and groom into accepting theirs.

Oh should I get a wet nurse to breastfeed my 12 week old, is that the done thing these days? Or perhaps dump my four year old on a virtual stranger, or maybe just leave them home alone if today's standards are anything to go by - no martyrs here

He could have asked diddl, but he's too polite clearly

Gets you nowhere does it

My lovely friend had a child free wedding, but knew that child care would be an issue for me and that dd was still bfeeding(she was I think about 7or8 months then) so told me to bring baby along as she really wanted me and dh to attend.

When we got there I realised we were the only guests outside of the b&g family that could bring our baby, other guests (including friends of ours, with v similar ages dd) were visably put out by this :( I felt so guilty

So I think I'm just trying to say it may not be the other guests that are cheeky fuckers, they may be in for a very uncomfortable experience.

Enjoy the weekend with your kids. I'd put money on you having a better time at home in this heat with two kids than trying to control them sitting through a formal hot sticky wedding!

I knew this would draw out all the bridezilla's!

People we definitely forgetting how tough it is with a toddler and a newborn, especially if the toddler has dropped their nap.

I'd be upset and dreading the weekend too. My DH is leaving me with the baby and toddler this weekend and I am already dreaming up a great for myself.

Oh should I get a wet nurse to breastfeed my 12 week old, is that the done thing these days? Or perhaps dump my four year old on a virtual stranger, or maybe just leave them home alone if today's standards are anything to go by - no martyrs here

What?

Sorry about all the typos.....

MagicMojito - but to me asking someone who is feeding to leave their baby is madness, I wouldn't think you cheeky for that, the other kids going are between 4 and 10, so not babies - anyway like you say, someone will always feel put out, I'm looking forward, as I do every day, to time with my kids - however he definitely owes me a break, I wasn't talking Tiffany necklaces or spa weekends, I was talking a cuppa, a slice of cake and to go for a wee on my own

The thread on MN today about lack of school holiday childcare and some people apparently leaving their 4 year olds home alone - Munxx

Sorry meant Uglyboots

Who on earth suggested you go anyway? You can't just turn up, your place will have been given to someone else!

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It's just another weekend without your DH, it's tiring when it's hit and you have kids.

I think you need to sort out some alternative childcare for the future!!

Or, hot.

My dd was breastfed, refused a bottle etc and I still managed to on a hen do when she was 10 weeks old and a wedding when she was 12 weeks old, they're hardly going to die if they're left with someone else for a few hours!!

Rum we have day to day childcare, but believe it or not some of us don't have extended families, our friends are all at the wedding too, and my baby is 12 weeks old and too young to be left, he still feeds every two hours, no breast pump in the world will cover that off

Rum - good for you, I'm not from that parenting camp

I don't see why some people are giving you a hard time. I would be seriously pissed off at the situation and DH would definitely owe me a treat. (To be honest, he probably just wouldn't go.)

2 children on your own is hard, especially so if one is a baby. At 12 weeks I couldn't put DD2 down for even 15 minutes without blood curdling screams and by the time DH walked in the door I was about ready to burst into tears.... (And often did!)

I do really hate the whole 'I'm breast feeding so I can't be without my child' entitlement usually, but a wedding is a long day. It's an exception.

If I were your DH I would skip the wedding and all do something together!

RSVP thanking them for the invite but declining. They may come back to you asking why you can't go. You can then say about the children and they will either say bring them or not.

Your husband does not owe you a treat. You aren't a child who needs rewarding for doing your job as a parent. A pat on the head. He however would be thoughtful if he acknowledged you have been full time caring for the children and cook dinner most nights. Just respect for your partner.

Ps, I don't do the "I'm breastfeeding" so can't be without my child thing either, BUT I am feeding him that way so for me to go out if town for a whole morning, afternoon and evening (it's not on our doorstep) - would seem to me to be irresponsible, not to mention painful for me

I'd be sad too. Just make sure you book off as much time as you can.
A lie in next weekend, followed by a couple of hours out once you've fed the baby to start with?

Oh god yes I absolutely agree you need a 'thankyou for looking after OUR children alone again ' token of appreciation :)

I was just trying to trying to make you feel less excluded by the other guests of that makes sense?

I can't help but feel sorry for the bride, since everyone's held her to ransom about the no children rule. Why do people always insist on making other people's weddings all about them? Anyway, OP, I'd say that after your DH has had his weekend off, you should be entitled to some 'me time' too.

I know, talk about putting the bride in a shotgun situation, it all costs money at the end of the day doesn't it and that's why I would never push the point