To feel a bit put out by wedding invite

[iamusuallybeingunreasonable]

Part of me understands it's up to the bride and groom who they invite, but the other bit of me is so annoyed by this...

DH friend invites me and DH to his wedding, but not our two children aged 12 weeks and 4 years. Fine, I tell DH I can't go because a) we have no childcare or people to palm kids off on, besides DS is breastfed, and b) I don't want to take baby and abandon DD on someone and her feel left out. Thought I would've the adult and tell him to go alone. This was weeks back, it's the wedding weekend coming up and it turns out that it's not a child free wedding at all, and other mates of DHs are taking their kids along as apparently they said to the couple if the kids can't come neither can we - I would never be so rude!!

Anyway, DH has worked the last three weekends, I'm knackered and here comes another weekend on my own with two kids, in sapping heat, and it might be my emotions boiling over but it feels so unfair...

WIBU to expect a massive treat from DH for putting up with this kind of inequality?!

Forgetting about the wedding, you must be shattered having a little one with little respite. I think every mum of a baby deserves a bit of a break. I think DH should pamper you a bit. Breakfast in bed, take the babe for a walk letting you read

YABU to 'feel put out by this wedding invite'.
You were invited.
Due to the decisions you have made about the way you have chosen to feed your child (which I'm presuming you are otherwise very happy with), you are not able to go.
This is not the 'fault' of the B&G. It is because of your choices.

YABU to be cross with your dh - when you were invited, you said you told him to go alone. How is he now to blame for something you suggested ?

YA N BU to be generally cross and hot and bothered in this heat, especially with 2 small children to look after, but that's a general thing, not related to the wedding.

Oh dear, that created an awful lot of bile didn't it?!

Lovely DH has come home today and suggested I book a break away for August for all of us, which will do for me

BTW, nothing wrong with my DS feeding every two hours, he's a greedy little man and puts on about half a pound a week at present, so definitely not needing formula top ups or baby rice just yet thanks!

I'm glad not to be going I just didn't agree with the differing rules for some to others, and yes I was peeved a bit that I had yet another weekend single parenting - how selfish of me to want a weekend with my DH for my kids not for me necessarily, any how back to feeding my child!

I'd suggests he takes care of booking the break away.

You sound like you have enough on your plate.

Enjoy

I'm not sure why the OP's getting such a hard time here. Some people just see wedding and children in an AIBU and post on auto-attack.

The OP is asking if she would be unreasonable for wanting a treat from her DH for doing sole childcare for the 4th weekend in a row so he can live it up at a wedding.

Deepest, a 12 week old baby breastfeeding two hourly is completely normal as far as I understand.

Have issue with my too nice husband (but really I'm glad he's not a cheeky fecker), not standing up for his kids and having the all or nothing convo as well

I don't think you can really have a go at him about that. I get that other people rang the bride & groom and had an 'all or nothing' convo, but they were extremely rude and demanding. But yes, he could have told them that he'd come but you'd stay need to stay at home with the kids, which would leave it open for them to extend the invitation.

I think it's a bit silly to worry about her feeling 'left out'. Four year olds shouldn't expect to go to every event their parents do.

Hope you get a treat to make up for missing out, though, because you sound knackered and fed up (don't blame you!), but I don't think any of this is anybody's fault.

IAUBU I get it. You are having a shit time right now, I've been there and it's relentless. It's fine for you to feel the way you do. Things will get easier... In just a few months your two will be making each other squeal with laughter and wrecking your house while you enjoy not just a wee but maybe even a whole poo by yourself! Hang in there!

I'd be pissed off with the situation too, but not people involved. The B&G maybe should have been 'stronger' at saying no to kids if they were putting out the message it was child-free, DH should have communicated it to you earlier that others were bringing kids and maybe you should have asked the couple what was expected. Perhaps he could soften the blow of a tough week with a nice gift on his return?

FFS just contact the bride and groom and say, look,can we all come please after all? They're friends of yours presumably. So just talk to them.

The B&G should have stuck to their guns. I've been to weddings having organised childcare, which once there's three of them, can be tricky. Then on arrival some select few have their DC with them. It does put people out if they couldn't bring their own. Bad hosting IMO.

Can you have a nice afternoon out with your DC on Saturday afternoon OP? So your not left at home while his at the wedding.Im regularly stuck home alone weekends without my workaholic DH. It's exhausting doing absolutely everything single handedly.

Why is op getting a hard time? I'd be pissed off too! She needs a break!!

op take the kids with you. If others are then you do it also.

Cannot believe what posters are saying about frequent BF.

enjoy your august holiday op

Yanbu for wanting a break. 24-7 for so long us hard work.

Yabu for blaming anyone else. B&g can invite who they like as you've said, then we're simply being nice to the couple who asked. So they're not to blame. Your dh is working hard too, and wasn't cheeky, and has said you can go away in august, he's not to blame. You've got no choice but to take an ebf baby with you.
The only area of unreasonableness is you saying you can't 'dump' a 4 year old or split them up. That's precious, but your choice, but you can't blame anyone else for that.

op take the kids with you. If others are then you do it also.

She can't do that, softlysoftly, they're not invited!!

I don't think she's getting a hard time at all. Most people have been very sympathetic to her, actually.

Because of breastfeeding one and lack of childcare for the other, anyway so it transpires that there are also other babies going too, so actually I'm glad I'm not going because that would make me feel even crapper especially if I took mine and there were others who didn't it couldn't bring there's

It's not my day, it's theirs, up to them who comes

I was feeling purely like I deserved a break/treat and asked was that unreasonable - others have decided to get bogged down in the detail

However I do think that it's a tad precious to be offended by the sound of children at your wedding, life is about families, families include children funnily enough, the thought of wanting to silence a child or baby who can't help crying/making a peep is beyond me - but again this isn't what this was about, it was about the obvious inequality

With social media as it is nowadays I have seen all the posts from friends and friends of friends, with the bride saying how she's looking forward to meeting baby so and so, or little Jonny - quite the host huh?!

Just dawned on me, maybe she didn't want my breasts at her wedding, not the kids ha!

If everyone else is taking their kids, then take yours too and go to the wedding. You won't stand out like a sore thumb or seem unreasonable because you won't be the only person doing it.

Eh, I'm not sure what to think about this with the update. It seems odd that so many other young children are going (so it's not just close family or something), yet when you told her your reasons she didn't say 'Oh no, bring them!'

OTOH, I don't think you can politely ask her, and I certainly don't think you can just take yours too. I'm sure they know which kids they're expecting to be there and which they aren't.

(It will be annoying if they're those kinds of people who don't know you're supposed to specify on the invitation if kids are invited, though. Maybe they think you don't want to come, and are using your kids as an excuse, which would be a shame!)

Groom is DH friend from uni, so no doubt I'm just an accessory that's not necessarily required, I have a feeling they are just thoughtless idiots but you know it's left me thinking hmmm I cannot be bothered!!!

Maybe your DH worded it wrongly to the b & g. Eg If he'd have said WE can't come to the wedding because of childcare they might have agreed to the children coming, but the op said to her DH that SHE couldn't come because of childcare and he might have repeated that to the b & g and they just accepted that DH would come alone. I feel sorry for the b & g though, it sounds as if they are being made to accept children when they didn't really want to.

Another thing, get your DH to book the break and nothing self-catered either. He'll have plenty of time to browse holidays after his cooked breakfast the day after the wedding!

The B & G probably thought you were happy with the arrangement as you didn't ask whereas other people did. Your DH knew about the other people's arrangements and still didn't ask so they are hardly going to chase you up.
I can totally understand you being pissed off. You would love to be able to do what your DH is doing but truth is you can't. It would probably be more stressful looking after 2 kids at a wedding with a pissed DH.
I remember taking DS who was ebf to a wedding and I spent the whole time taking him away from things to feed him, change him, walk him, so he didn't cry and ruin stuff. I saw very little of the actual wedding.
He vomited all over my outfit at the beginning of the meal and I spent the rest of the wedding in a hot hotel room in my nightie.