to think £25 is enough?

[macdoodle]

DD1 is almost 13, it appears that I am not going to see much of her these holidays. She doesnt want to spend much time with me and DD2 (6), and is happy spending the day out with her friends. And there are days I am in work and she doesnt want to go to the CM with DD2.
She gets £10 a week pocket money usually (for extras/going out, I pay for essentials and her phone). I have agreed to give her an extra £25/week in the holidays (so £35/week for entertainment). I would probably spend that if she was out with us. She goes skating once a week.
She doesnt think its enough but she is staying out all day, so buying lunch and chips or something before she comes home in the evening.
I have told her I am not prepared to pay for her to eat 2 meals out a day and she either has to come home to eat or take something with her, or budget her spending money.
I think I am being reasonable and generous? Am I? AIBU? She certainly thinks so!

I agree. Why not let them have money if you've got it to give? The's nothing magic about money- it's just useful stuff. If you have it, share it. If you haven't- you can't. Simple.

My DD has just turned 12 and I wish she was out with her friends more! She's a total homebody.

I don't think £5 a day is unreasonable. I would expect chores and a tidy bedroom. I would make her do one day out with yourself and younger DD a week. She's still young. I don't get the digs about your parenting.

This has made me feel really stingy, DD14 is only getting her usual pocket money £20 a month plus £12 phone top up.
If she says she wants to go bowling/cinema etc then I pay for that and usually give a couple of quid for snacks too but not a set amount each week.
Swimming here is free for her and often she hangs round at the park or down the river.

I really struggle at letting her roam. I was up to all kinds at her age. I was an absolute horror when I think of all the foolish stuff I did it is a wonder I am still alive. I have to keep telling myself DD isn't me but it is hard.

For what it's worth I think what your giving her is fine.You've said that you can afford it and your youngest DD isn't missing out on fun day's out so there's no problem.

She's nearing the teenage years so you may start getting a lot more attempts to get more than she's given as most teenagers hate feeling like they're any different,being treated any differently to they're peers(you mentioned her friends could be getting more than her because of the affluent area you live in)just ride it out with her it'll pass.

We have 5DC and it does get harder to make plans for all of the family as they get older.Were only just starting the holidays here but I know DS16 and DS13(nearly) will probably want to spend lots of days of out together with they're friends and they'll probably cost us that per day between them when they go out.

It's lovely that you live in nice safe place so I'd let your daughter make the most of it.She'll have made amazing memories with her friends and she'll be forever greatful to you.

I was pretty free range as a child younger than this in 'the good old days' if you are happy and trust her then fine, £35 a day is a lot but not if she is expecting to eat out every day, I would be encouraging her to eat at home and save for treats.

"getting a mcdonalds and then chippie or sandwhich on her way home, which is what we have been discussing when she said it wasnt enough"

^^ I'd be far less worried about the money and far more concerned that your 12 year old is eating so much crap everyday. MacDonalds and the chippie!! You're a GP so you know that.

OP, £35 doesn't sound a massive amount for a week, neither do I have a problem with you letting her go out with her friends. If I have a warning for you, it's that's 2 of my own children would spend it all in one day, one of them on sweets and rubbish to share with friends and one would spend it on alcohol and cannabis - and I would have sworn that they would never have done that. I was also confident that there was nothing like that in their group of friends, but sadly was proven wrong. I'm not implying that there is anything like going on, but be very aware that these things are everywhere (I also live in a very nice, affluent, rural area, not far from a large city, and I know that you posted pictures by mistake - but I know the area, just don't bury your head in the sand and think that these things won't touch you.) I really hope that you and you children have a great, safe Summer holidays!

All my friends would be out most of the day at that age in the holidays . I think it's such a shame that it is now looked down upon by some. It's much better than children sitting in all day and it teaches great independence. I think people who do not allow their children to spend days out with their friends at that age are doing their children a great disservice.

We have days where we do something as a family but when we have no plans I encourage mine to go out with friends for the day. It is healthy for them.

I have five children, three of them are old enough to expect the same amount of money each. I couldn't afford to give them each £35 a week but if I could I would in a heart beat. I don't think it is too much at all. However, if my children were given that much money then moaned about it we would be having words about entitlement. If they were to moan about what I gave them and didn't appreciate it I am not so sure they would be getting it until they sorted their attitude out.

I have similar aged DCs, OP.

They have been off for 3 weeks now (Scottish holidays earlier).

I have had this problem of them not wanting to do the same activities.

I think you should put dd2 in the cm an extra day pwk and spend that day doing an activity with dd1.

Otherwise she will be growing up thinking 'mum takes dd2 out to places she wants but not me'. You are using money to compensate for this guilt. Having 1 day pwk without her friends will do her no harm.

If she is almost 13 I'm assuming summer born so the youngest in her year so her friends are almost 14? Maybe you are right about your dd but some of them will be drinking/smoking/taking drugs/having sex. I went to a private school and lived rurally and my 12/13 yo friends were doing that stuff.

35 per week is 5 a day, so not too excessive. I wouldn't give her any more.
We were always off out at that age, barely spent any time at home.

The only thing I'd be concerned about is ending up not spending much time as a family. I'd probably insist on at least 2 days a week doing things together.

A fiver a day to include lunch and activities is not excessive at all.

My parents stopped giving me spending money at 14, I got a part time job. But your dd isnt old enough to work yet so it's quite right you should pay.

If she doesn't think it's enough, make her work for more. Get her to clear the garden, clean the house, wash your car and do other chores to earn extra £10. It will be interesting to see how she views the value of money then and how inclined she will be to spend the cash she actually earned on going out twice per day.

I find that many children these days have absolutely enormous expectations and tend to think that their parents grow money on trees. I don't know where this comes from and whether that's just because they are surrounded by TV such as TOWIE and MiC as well as pictures of WAGs in papers and magazines or just the fact that the society as a whole has become a little better off than our parents' generation but this seems to be the trend. no offence to anyone whose kids aren't showing any signs of following the trend

We ought to draw the line somewhere. £35 a week is more than enough for occasional dinner out with friends, cinema treat as well as some shopping!

Thanks all for more constructive criticism, I will be vigilant for the drugs alcohol thing. Mixd age friends she is early Sept born so oldest in her year group so oldest of that group but does have friends in the year group older so some of those are older.
Wether I do exactly that, on my Fri half day, dd2 stays all day and dd1 and I do something in the afternoon together. She has to spend at least one evening with us.
We havent got a summer holiday because we are having big Oct holiday. But we have 2 long weekends away with friends and family so will have some family time then.

I don't think its excessive, things cost.....and I'm going to the barrage this afternoon!!!

Today they are going to a friend's house in next village and going to green/park/mill.

I was about to come on and go whoa £35 for a week but actually when I top up what my ds 12 is getting each week we are about the same. £18 weekly bus pass as we live in the middle of nowhere so he can meet up with friends, £10 a week and then I have said if they go to the cinema I will pay for that but not the treats.

I have no problem with them 'roaming' my son will go out at 11 and come back at 5. I don't know what he's doing really he says he is going to the skate park or friends and I have no reason not to believe him.

Onlythewelsh I am off to a welsh barrage and a fake beach this pm!

She is 12? Mine is 12 and has just finished y7-way too young to be out alone that much! I think she's playing you!

I think a fiver a day is ok. I also think it's fine to let her out and do her own thing - although I would probably force a family day every so often (although I might regret it afterwards!).

Where I grew up it would have cost me half of that fiver a day to get into town and back where we would mooch about, look at clothes and make up.

I'm a bit nervous though - I've got twins, they are only five at the moment - but when they are in secondary school I'm going to bankrupt myself over the school holidays aren't I?!

Hak - I'm Central London. It is expensive but that's not going to change. It's little change from £10 like I said if any if we go out as family for free day out ie park and buy an ice cream. Add in tube/ bus/ drinks and a cheap day out is still £20 min. ( we do take picnic and water often but can't take more than 2 litres of water as weighs a ton!)

I grew up in London suburbia and would get the bus then tube into London, or bus into Watford/Harrow.

I don't think I was feral . Bit of a leap to fags and alcohol at 12 because she has a bit of money! One pack of fags is more than a fiver now PLUS laws are much stricter. Maybe I'm being naive but I think probably OP would be keeping an eye out for this sort of stuff anyway?

Roll we have had this discussion, your child your choice I would rather my child spent the day enjoying the sun with her mates not forced to be cooped up with her sister. I don't think you are teaching maturitybor independance your way but I wouldn't criticise how you parent.