AIBU not to be offended by being called a 'cool wife'

[PiperRose]

discounting the fact that I am not and in no way a wife AIBU to think that this label, which is so often bandied around here as an insult, isn't that much of an insult.

In a christian marriage, you can only seperate. Never divorce unless one person has had an affair. So you are likely to remain bound.

Really? Sounds utterly draconian to me! No ta!

Well DP and I have hedged our bets for 23 years, through 4 kids, half a dozen house moves and a progressive neurological condition (mine). I suppose you could argue that he backed a loser and I backed a winner but neither of us is cashing our chips in just yet.

I never knew Christians were so into S&M!

I don't want to be my DPs flesh, thanks. Especially his manky feet

I do and maybe that is the difference

I'm married and tried to opt out of marrying DH's manky feet, so where does that leave me?

I couldn't, I just don't go near them.

It's absolutely insulting. Who's to say one persons relationship is more valid than the other?

My mum and step dad were together 20 years before they got married, I can't say it made any difference to how I view their relationship.

A penny is just dropping.

I am realising that there is a difference between a christian marriage and a normal one.

A normal one may not be that different to living together. I dont know about that.

But a christian marriage is most definitely not the same as living together.
Christians get married very carefully. Because unless the other person commits adultery, or dies, that is it. You do not have the option of marrying or sleeping with anyone else.

If you are living together, and then split up, you can go on to marry or live or sleep with someone else.

I got married very carefully and I'm not a Christian. I also take it seriously and we are happy.

So if you were in an abusive relationship Setting you wouldn't leave, ever?

I have a question about that.
What happens if, even after getting married oh-so-carefully, your spouse actually turns out to be an abusive shit? Or an alcoholic? Or a gambler who pisses away every penny? Or a paedophile? Or a liar?

Is that it then? Bound forever more?

I would seperate. Hundreds of miles away if necessary. No way would I stay.
But couldnt divorce unless he had an affair, or had one in the future. Couldnt sleep with someone else either unless he had an affair.

Or a murderer or a thief or a drug dealer. Or a million and one other things. I'm certainly not being a martyr to my marriage in that case and I would tell my children the same.

So...there's no actual difference between your marriage and anybody else's relationship, whether they are married or not then? other than your draconian church wouldn't allow you to get shot?

Sounds shite.

Christian or Catholic? He has to sin first, but how does that then permit your sin?
Surely adultery is always against the rules, even if he does it first?

Couldnt sleep with someone else either unless he had an affair.

I assume that goes for him too (i.e. he can't sleep with anyone else unless you do). So basically, if you wanted to end the relationship, you could both make an arrangement to shag someone else at a particular time and then it would be ok, because you were both doing it?

I don't get it.

Oh and that you wouldn't be allowed to have sex with anyone else, even if you did seperate from your horrific spouse.

And you are marking this up as something to aspire to, why?

And what plump says there too.
What is this nonsense?

This nonsense is faith.
Doesn't require logic or factual evidence or responding to individuals on a case by case basis. Just obedience to a set of rules drawn up almost two millenia ago, and a belief that it's right.

Ok..well my 'heart of hearts' says that is a shit deal, and certainly not one I'd be agreeing to.
You can keep it settling.

Oh come on, marriage is not some religious thing, it is a legal thing. It is about nailing down the ownership of property. It is only in the last few hundred years rabble like us have even got married; previously we would just jump over a broom or something.

There's no marriage service in the bible is there? I don't recall Jesus having much to do with it (except once supplying the booze).

Absolutely Tinkly.

There's something in a Pratchett book (Men at Arms, perhaps) about there being no real marriage ceremony other than something like 'Oh alright, if you must.'

Since he is often referring to something historical, I tend to take his descriptions of such as a statement of fact. Therefore, I think Tinkly may be onto something.

Much cheaper to just jump over a broom, mind.

They jump over fire in one TP book. I should know, what with being married to him in my imagination and all.

Marriage is a very big thing in the bible, but I dont think I will bore anyone with the details.

Plump and Down [reminds me of a bed!] It only takes one person to sleep with someone else to break the marriage. You are then free from it completely.

pictish. This all means that there is not that much point giving up on it after 7 years if there is not a good reason. Because you cannot enter into another sexual relationship.