AIBU not to be offended by being called a 'cool wife'

[PiperRose]

discounting the fact that I am not and in no way a wife AIBU to think that this label, which is so often bandied around here as an insult, isn't that much of an insult.

What's the emotional difference?

I think I'm a tepid wife.

I'm a cool wife with a cool husband.
It's called trust.
I'm proud to be the way we are.

Marriage legally and somewhat emotionally ties two people together. It binds them.

"Marriage legally and somewhat emotionally ties two people together. It binds them."

Hmm. My unmarrried relationship is longer than any married relationship I have come across apart from my parents'. And I am pretty convinced they shouldn't have been together for at least the last 20 years of theirs.

No it doesn't, not irrevocably. You can get a divorce.

But, how does it emotionally tie hem together more than people who don't do it?

Speaking as a CAB volunteer - buying a house together binds two people legally and emotionally. Marriage is easier to unpick than a joint mortgage.

I think having 100% trust in anyone is a bit silly really.

My husband has never once made me doubt him, I have never been concerned he is having an affair and he never made me feel anything but loved.

I still think it is naive to trust anyone 100% though. Humans fuck up and shit happens. I have never known anyone to have found out their partner was having affair who didn't at some point claim they trusted them 100%.

It doesn't mean I go around looking for clues, looking through phones and emails (he doesn't actually have a phone) or panic when he leaves the house, but I am not naive enough to think that you can trust anyone 100%.

My husband doesn't work right now and maybe never will again. He doesn't even go out to the pub so the chances of him having the chance to cheat are minuscule so it isn't something I actively worry about but I will never trust anyone 100%. I trust him as much as I can trust any human being though, more than I trust anyone else in my life.

I have a theory that people will put up with a lot more shitty behaviour from a marriage partner than a LTR partner because they feel increased pressure to 'make it work'. That is bollocks, IMO.

Personally, I would not use "cool wife" in reference to someone who came on a thread and posted "I wouldn't have a problem with my husband going out with a female friend, because he'd be fine with me going out with a male friend." I WOULD level it at someone who said "ugh you guys are SOOO uptight, ALL of my husband's friends are girls and he texts them all the time and goes out with them every night and honestly, why would I have a problem? You feminists drive me crazy."

I didn't see the thread in question BTW.

I have been called a "cool girl" a "ladette" or "such a boy" for genuinely liking football and beer (among other things) and thinking celebs, fashion and beauty are a bit shit.

It's just as bad as any other gender stereotyping.

U2TheEdge, exactly.

YOu can appreciate that somebody has never done anything to make you feel they are UNtrustworthy, and you can relax because there's no point worrying and the circumstances don't create extra worry, I get that and that's good! but to have 100% trust that somebody would never, ever do any thing to let you down is really naive.

PiperRose. You know the answer in your heart of hearts.

Piper - I didn't call you deeply flawed, but your categorisation of marriage as a piece of paper.

It makes no odds to me whether people legally marry or not, but it should be an informed choice. I do think there isn't enough awareness generally, of what marriage provides legally.

settingsitting I REALLY don't!

But my 'heart of hearts' thanks you for being so spectacularly patronising.

settingsitting What does Piper know in her heart of hearts?

Do I know it in my heart of hearts too?

Er, yeah, I referred upthread to being with my DH for 23 years, well no, he is actually my DP not my DH, I genuinely forget that fact 99% of the time.

So I'm obviously not a cool wife, just a hot girlfriend.

I'm married, and even I don't know the answer in my heart of hearts.
Fail.

Being married is about being one flesh.

Most people do not want that.

People who aren't married do have sex, you know........

Let's start a Hot Girlfriends Club too!