AIBU not to be offended by being called a 'cool wife'

[PiperRose]

discounting the fact that I am not and in no way a wife AIBU to think that this label, which is so often bandied around here as an insult, isn't that much of an insult.

Forgot to say- if someone described me as a "cool wife" on a lads' night out thread (or whatevs) then I would absolutely think it said far more about their own relationship than mine.

Being a wife is uncool by its very definition so you don't need to worry

I didn't actually say it was a compliment, I just laugh at the usage as an insult, and I'm not actually a wife so I suppose I can't be one.

I suppose I have a 'cool' husband then.

I go to weddings without DH.
I go to numerous gigs with other (male) friends
I go to weekends away abroad and locally without dh
I have online contact with male friends via fb - all people I have known (and DH mostly knows) for upwards of 20 years.

I am not having any affairs - I never will - he trusts me. He hates going out and socialising and he would be welcome to come on most of these events with me - chooses not to. That is the key - choice not imposition.

Hah. I was just coming on to ask about yourself PiperRose.
I have been happily married for 27 years.

[it has taken me a while on mumsnet to realise that those mentioning certian things, have not actually dont it themselves]

Erm, settingsitting just because I don't have a piece of paper doesn't mean that I am not or have not ever been in a long term, committed relationship.

if someone described me as a "cool wife" on a lads' night out thread (or whatevs) then I would absolutely think it said far more about their own relationship than mine.

I agree 100% with this.

It is different on this thread, because a marriage is a different relationship to a partner.

Else, why not just be married.

'Cool wife'= 'bit of a Mug!' round 'ere. Who knows...

No, it's not different on this thread. I said in my original post that I wasn't married. I've had this 'insult' thrown at me when I've said I wasn't married, it appears to be a blanket term.

And maybe this is a different thread but I don't see the difference between wife and long-term partner. People can be married for a year and other people can be in an un-married relationship for for 10+ years.

because a marriage is a different relationship to a partner

See, I don't think there is that much difference between a marriage and a LTR with house and kids. The only reason I got married is 'cos my parents wouldn't have accepted the children if I didn't. Hey ho.

Marriage is not "a piece of paper", it is a legal contract with numerous ramifications.

If you don't wish to be married, or don't wish to avail yourself or your partner of the legal protections that marriage provides, then fine, but to dismiss marriage as a piece of paper is deeply flawed.

I'm not against marriage, I love the idea but I certainly wouldn't use it to dismiss other peoples life choices.

"Settingsitting If I didn't have 100% trust in a relationship I wouldn't be in the relationship. I have better things to do than worry about my partners behaviour all of the time."

Yep, me too.

I must thank you GoneAnneGorilla calling me "deeply flawed" has just resulted in my first successful bosom hoist. Shame no-one was around to see it.

Well done. Did you make a disgruntled hmmph noise as well?

Oooh, I soooo did!

I think GoshAnneGorilla does actually have a point about the legal ramifications of having a marriage certificate - it does help.

However, I feel that emotionally there is very little difference between marriage and a LTR.

However, I feel that emotionally there is very little difference between marriage and a LTR.

The difference is emotional as well as legal.

To people in LTR, there is an emotional back door.

Definitely usualsuspectt

Welcome usualsuspectt.