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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to BBQ in my own garden?

327 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 08:16

We live in a terraced house, 6ft ish fencing separating us from neighbours on each side. our garden is set lower down than the ones either side so our decking starts where theirs ends IYSWIM, so our decking areas are staggered, not all in a line. New neighbours moved in about 2 months ago.

We have a BBQ (charcoal) and unlike a lot of people, ours is not just for the odd family party. We cook lunch and dinner on it every weekend it is sunny and if DH is home in time we cook dinner during the week too through the summer.

last night we finished dinner and I rounded up the DC to go in for a bath. DH took them up and I popped back out to collect up toys. Neighbours didn't realise I had come back out and I overheard them complaining about how much we BBQ, that we are being really inconsiderate using it all the time and that if we keep it up they may have to have word with us. They must have had a visitor as they exclaimed ' they even do it during the week!' - visitor agreed that we were being inconsiderate.

TBH it never occurred to me that I shouldn't use the BBQ as often as weather allows it and I want to be prepared for the inevitable knock on the door to complain. So AIBU to BBQ as often as I like in my own back yard??

OP posts:
pictish · 21/07/2014 09:23

Oh George do get a grip. How melodramatic.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 09:24

cant keep up with thread....

thenapoleon - see my previous comments re: accepting inconsiderate and speaking with neighbours. also previous comment about it being a brick built/solid BBQ - I cant move it, it is concreted to the floor (on the opposite side to these neighbours)

pink - not a pile of meat at all - a usual portion served with veggies, salad, pasta, cous cous, etc. normal meals just the meat cooked on the BBQ not the indoor cooker.

OP posts:
YouGeorgeBernardMate · 21/07/2014 09:24

That's nice Gretchen. I expected those sort of juvenile responses.

GretchenWiener · 21/07/2014 09:24

yummy burning piggy Wink

GretchenWiener · 21/07/2014 09:25

tasty chargrilled cow slathers

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 21/07/2014 09:25

yougeorge I can be fairly confident they are none of those.

OP posts:
WelshMaenad · 21/07/2014 09:25

Does that mean nobody with Jewish or Muslim neighbours is allowed to eat pork at home then?

There are plenty of smells I dislike. My neighbour's car exhaust is shot and smells awful and the smell is currently drifting into my bedroom every morning at 6am and waking me. It would not be reasonable to complain to him about it, if he could afford to sort it before payday I'm sure he would. I used to work near the Brains brewery in Cardiff and would be heaving every morning walking past it when they were brewing because the hops smelled awful to me. It wouldn't have been reasonable to ask them to stop their business activity, though.

BauerTime · 21/07/2014 09:26

YANBU yo use your garden as you wish, but YABU to just carry on as you are now that you know your neighbours have a problem with it.

Best course of action i think would be to knock on your neighbours door and say that you heard them and would like to have a chat about how you can find a way forward that you are all happy with. If you leave it until they come knocking then you will be having that conversation whilst they are pissed off so best to pre-empt it.

FWIW i think id be annoyed to live next to someone who did something that irritated me so persistently, but in your defence, as far as they are aware you don't know there is a problem as they haven't told you it is one.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 21/07/2014 09:26

unless copious amounts of smoke was blowing in my face / windows all day it would not bother me, I have a chiminea and often light it, luckily neighbour is fine with it, I did burn some wood recently and apologised to her as it blew right across her garden, she laughed and said she loves the smell of woodsmoke so no problem. I would,nt light it if washing was out cos woodsmoke does cling. I get that if I did not like meat it might be a bit nauseating though but hey, its your garden. use it how you want but try to be a bit sensitive, have a word with them.

YouGeorgeBernardMate · 21/07/2014 09:27

What are you Gretchen. five?

This grown up is going to work now. I'll leave you to your coloring books and Duplo, honey.

GretchenWiener · 21/07/2014 09:27

when there was a thread coughs about kids screaming in gardens, I was roundly told people coudl do what the fuck they wanted in their own garden.

Or is that just tantrumming toddlers?

also man semi naked in lit window overlooking road - that was ok apparently

Please advise what you CAN do in your own garden and what you CAN't

pictish · 21/07/2014 09:27

As i say...I'm not a fan of the charcoal bbq...I find the smell of them unpleasant...but ffs, we don't all live in sealed, sanitised little units where we rule as the Queen of Fucking Everything...so it's tough shit. Our neighbours are frequent bbqers and it has never occurred to me to whine about them using their own garden to do it in.
If you need control over every smell, event, noise that takes place in your environment, go and live in a detached house in the middle of nowhere and make yourself a paper sodding crown.

Ragglefrock · 21/07/2014 09:28

YABU - I would consider you 'nuisance neighbours'.

sebsmummy1 · 21/07/2014 09:28

As to whether YABU personally I think you are.

I like the smell of BBQ but if I lived next door to you and you were BBQing all the time it would piss me off. We back onto neighbours who have a chiminea and burn wood all the time whilst shouting and talking loudly as they use their patio as an extension of the living room. I'm happy they love it so much but it does sometimes feel like we have extended family who live at the bottom of the garden. We are busy trying to block them out with Laurel bushes but that's another story.

As an aside it is my understanding that BBQing meat is actually pretty bad for you. As an occasional thing - no problem, but if you google the link between carcinogens and BBQ you will find lots of damning literature. Even if I didn't care about my own health I certainly wouldn't be taking a risk with my childrens. If you are BBQing as much as you say you are I would be ensuring I was doing it in the safest way possible and that might mean giving the charcoal a miss.

Denizen · 21/07/2014 09:29

I wouldn't complain because don't think it would stop you but would hate it. Would move house if I could because one of the pleasures of summer for me is sitting in the garden on sunny days smelling lovely flower smells, not greasy cooking meat smells and fumes.

amyhamster · 21/07/2014 09:30

Why is Gretchen getting a hard time ?
I think it's fair enough to only BBQ a few times a week now you know your neighbours aren't keen on it

GretchenWiener · 21/07/2014 09:30

cos i like eating dead animals.

looks spooky

Preciousbane · 21/07/2014 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Owllady · 21/07/2014 09:31

In our last house if we had a ban our old neighbour used to open an upstairs window and cough really noisily and pointedly towards us for a minute or so and then close the window again.

She used to creep me out tbh

ZebraLovesKnitting · 21/07/2014 09:31

Yesterday I had to re-wash a load of washing because it stank of BBQ. It had been hanging on the line when next door had a BBQ. I didn't realise they were having one until the smell came in my windows, by which time my washing stank.

Do people in close proximity to you elsewhere, at work etc, ever ask you whether you like a BBQ? Because it's quite possible your clothes stink but because you're around the BBQ so much you're immune to the smell. Like smokers.

YABU. In an ideal world, yes, it's your garden, you can do what you like. But, you're in the middle of a terrace, and when you're living so close to other people you have to give them some consideration or everyone ends up miserable.

I play drums, and that's fine in my detached house because our neighbours are far enough away that they can't hear. I wouldn't play them anywhere near as much, if at all, if I was mid-terrace though. In fact, we used to live in a semi and I spoke to next door about my drums and we agreed a time when I would play them!

Basically, you all have the right to use & enjoy your gardens. BBQing a little less often is going to have a tiny impact on your overall ability to enjoy your garden, but will make a huge difference to your neighbours.

You all have to live together, so for goodness' sake grow up, think about people other than yourself & compromise.

Owllady · 21/07/2014 09:33

Ban=bbq

Thenapoleonofcrime · 21/07/2014 09:35

sebsmummy I did also think about the health risks if there are any of so much bbq'd meat.

RiverTam · 21/07/2014 09:36

I used to have neighbours who did this and it was awful. Like you, it was a terrace and like you they did the BBQing right outside their back door, which of course meant very close to our house. My washing and the house would reek unless we closed all the windows and allowed the house to get stiflingly hot. DH is veggie and he found it particularly repellent, I'm not but I don't want my house or clothes to smell of it.

I'm sorry, but I think if you are going to BBQ that much you should move (or get a new one if it's not movable) the BBQ to the end of the garden. Friends we know who BBQ a lot have theirs at the end, away from the houses.

JenniferJo · 21/07/2014 09:36

OP, do you intend to carry on being inconsiderate?

Your complaints about noise from neighbours just isn't the same. Noise doesn't make you feel sick or vomit does it? It doesn't make your clothes stink.

I'd be tempted to "play with a hose" in my garden every time you lit the foul thing. Or play music so loudly you went indoors to get away from it.

Neighbourliness is about give and take. You are all take.

ThatWasNice · 21/07/2014 09:37

It's a matter of degree isn't it? The OP is having a LOT more BBQs than is normal. She lives in a terraced house and it's really not nice for her neighbours to have BBQ smell (especially burghers/sausages etc) twice a day.

If she uses a lid and has the charcoal nice and hot it shouldn't be too bad though.

I would not want to live next to her. Sad