to BBQ in my own garden?

[QueenofKelsingra]

We live in a terraced house, 6ft ish fencing separating us from neighbours on each side. our garden is set lower down than the ones either side so our decking starts where theirs ends IYSWIM, so our decking areas are staggered, not all in a line. New neighbours moved in about 2 months ago.

We have a BBQ (charcoal) and unlike a lot of people, ours is not just for the odd family party. We cook lunch and dinner on it every weekend it is sunny and if DH is home in time we cook dinner during the week too through the summer.

last night we finished dinner and I rounded up the DC to go in for a bath. DH took them up and I popped back out to collect up toys. Neighbours didn't realise I had come back out and I overheard them complaining about how much we BBQ, that we are being really inconsiderate using it all the time and that if we keep it up they may have to have word with us. They must have had a visitor as they exclaimed ' they even do it during the week!' - visitor agreed that we were being inconsiderate.

TBH it never occurred to me that I shouldn't use the BBQ as often as weather allows it and I want to be prepared for the inevitable knock on the door to complain. So AIBU to BBQ as often as I like in my own back yard??

OP - you probably can't smell the BBQ smell anymore if you are BBQing daily/twice a day at weekends, but it's like perfumed shampoo (stay with me). When I started dying my hair, I bought a shampoo that's good for coloured hair that has a strong perfume to it. For the first 3-4 days, I could smell it on my hair, then I stopped noticing it, now best part of a year on, I can't smell it at all. I don't believe the shampoo has stopped having any perfume in it, more that I've got used to it - to me, that's just part of how the world smells. However, DH and other people can smell that scent on me. DH commented that my pillow smells of my shampoo after a couple of days, but I can't smell anything.

You probably can't smell the BBQ smell because you are used to the world smelling like that, it's become part of the 'background' smell to your life.

Your neighbours, however, don't have that, if they never dry laudry while there's someone BBQing, this won't be a smell they are used to.

You are being within your rights, but you are also being an inconsiderate neighbour. Long term, you might need a little good will.

Also worth thinking, if you think it's a hassle to go round and knock every meal time to warn them to bring in their washing, then consider how much hassle it is for them to bring in the washing and stop being in their garden if the smell upsets them. This isn't a once a week issue, you are doing something that annoys your neighbours every single day. (And yes, in every other culture where people cook outside most meal times, they use gas BBQs)

OP, it does sound like you don't care that much about the effect on your nieghbours.

Also worth thinking, while lawn mowing is an annoying noise, I would also complain at someone mowing the lawn every single evening and twice at weekends. Someone doing a bit of noisy DIY can be a little annoying, but nowhere like living next door to a building site.

It's about frequency. If it was once or twice a week, then your neighbours could just avoid their garden at that time, by using your BBQ every evening and the bulk of hte weekends, then you rule out most non-office hours for an entire week for your neighbours. You've gone way beyound 'give and take'.

You live in very close proximity to your neighbours if it's a terrace and a fence makes little difference to how the smell travels.
I would reduce your BBQs - if it bothers them for whatever reason it would unneighbourly to continue at your present rate.

My tuppence-worth: regular bbqing, fine. Twice a day, several days a week - fucking annoying. I love bbqs, even as a vegan, but that frequency would bring out my very tetchy grumbling side. I might even chunter to my friends about you.

So yes, I do think you're being an inconsiderate neighbour and next door have every right to grumble to their friend about you.

Op will never change her thinking that she is bu

Smelly bbq twice a day and neighbours cant pwg out because of it and is offended by the smell, Hell yes YABU!!!!!

It wont hurt to think of others for once.

I think the problem might be because it's a charcoal BBQ. They stink, especially if you use that horrible lighting fluid. I really hate the smell of charcoal bbq's- I find they give off a horrible acrid smell. I prefer wood fire bbq's or gas, but you seem to be a BBQ snob. It would piss me off if a charcoal BBQ was stinking out the neighbourhood twice a day!

They also have a barbecue, which I loathe. Fortunately they only use it every ten days or so in the summer, so the stench feels temporary and therefore I can tolerate having to keep the windows shut now and again. Virtually every meal on sunny weekends, plus a good many in the week, and I'd be vomiting out of the window so that they could share the joy.

This made me laugh.
Totally agree. It's about having a bit of consideration for others, especially those you live near.
I would hate a barbecue going that often, next door to me. I don't mind an odd whiff of one, but every weekend, and sometimes during the week, no thanks.

Charcoal BBQs do give out a lot of smoke and smell and I bet your washing does smell, you just won't notice it.

You must spend a fortune on meat.

One shopping centre near here has a Burger King and the stench off that to me is so revoltingly gross in the car park to all of the other shops that I go elsewhere.

Everyone has the right to quiet enjoyment of their property. Please cut back a bit, particularly as you've sited it so close to next-door. What is a yummy smell to you is boak-inducing for me and as evidenced up-thread, lots of other people. Just think for a minute how you would feel with unwanted unpleasant smoke and a stink so close to you for that length of time twice a day every weekend and a lot of evenings, not being able to sit out in your own garden and and not being able to have your windows open.

I didn't even realise bbq's were offensive to people! We often BBQ whatever meat we're having for dinner, weekdays and weekends, even in the winter! Worried now that we're offending our neighbours . Although they're students and have a party every Monday night until 7am so actually don't care that much if we are .

I was going to say YANBU, until you said you do not alert your neighbours that you are about to start cooking. I hate it when my neighbour doesn't tell us before he lights his, and I have washing out. It takes 2 minutes to pop round and say you are lighting the BBQ if they want to take their washing in.
I don't BBQ as much as you (think once in 4 years...) but I do live in a terrace house and I know how much that smoke travels and lingers. It is very selfish not to let them know if they have washing out, and yes it does make the clothes stink.
I think others have made sensible points about swapping to gas, but you won't do that, so I think you need to alert the neighbours if their is already washing on their line.
Also eating BBQ food twice a day so often can not be great for your cholesterol.

So their house either reeks of smoke, or the alternative is to shut all doors/windows over several hours at the weekend.

If you were my neighbour I'd be seriously pissed off. Just because you like it, doesn't mean their house should stink.

Ok, some of you need to, if not read the whole thread, at least read my responses.

I will speak to them and find out what the problem is and how to improve things.

Worth noting at that the moment they don't know that I know they have a problem, they haven't spoken to me about it, I overheard a conversation so I am not actually wilfully continuing with something inconsiderate having been advised of the problem at present.

OP, you are being really unreasonable! And I say that as an Aussie who loves BBQing a lot here in the UK.

When we BBQ DH does it right at the very end of the garden, with a portable weber BBQ. Who gives a toss if the poor BBQer is feeling 'lonely' all on their own down the bottom of the garden! Sheesh!!!

Don't kid yourself, your clothes do smell of BBQ. You just can't smell it because you're so used to the smell.

You remind me of a back door neighbour that built a smoke house at the end of their garden, and would spend all weekend smoking their fish and other meat. Fine for them, the wind blew the smoke in OUR direction not theirs. Couldn't hang washing up, couldn't have the back doors or windows open. I was going crazy with it, every nice day and our house was filled with smoke. Council never had inspectors out on weekends or evenings. Couldn't hang washing up when I was working during the day, would come home to smelly clothes. In the end I was lucky enough that they were friends with my Grandad who had a quiet word with him about it and it all stopped.

you know what the problem is! You are being very obtuse if you claim you don't. And the solution has been presented to you - stop BBQing so close to the house and do it at the bottom of the garden. And probably cut down.

It's really very simple as long as you're prepared to admit that you're being rather inconsiderate at the mo. Are you?

YABU and inconsiderate to bbq so frequently because you are interfering with your neighbours enjoyment of their own garden. You now know that bbqing so frequently is annoying your neighbours so why not try to conpromise.

• Cut down the number of bbqs you have weekly instead of confronting them and getting their backs up even more?
• Could you cook in your kitchen and eat in the garden?
• If it is a disposable you could move it down to the back of the garden (even if it is away from the rest of family and lonely for chef, it's a small compromise but might work?)

Your neighbours are being patient so far but what if they decide they have had enough and start doing stuff to annoy you back, it could escalate

3 hours a day of it would drive me crazy tbh.

YABU -In smallish town gardens we can't all do what we want all of the time. Surely you know that.

My neighbours BBQ. I have to take my washing in as I don't want to sleep in beef perfumed sheets. I have to go in as it makes me feel sick. In the summer they do it every weekend - but I accept that as they are good neighbours in other respects and it never starts until after 6pm. They are also patient about my sometimes noisy son and my radio, (although I am considerate)

The neighbours might start using power tools all day or playing music or doing all manner of annoying but legal things to spoil your enjoyment of your property. Be reasonable for heaven's sake.

angel - gas BBQ isn't BBQ, its just cooking outside! doesn't taste as good! (IMO obviously!)

I think the term, 'gas BBQ' means that it is actually BBQ. You don't want anyone to give you a solution on how to not piss of your neighbours.

YABU if you are ruining their weekends. I agree with Infinity.

I am not actually wilfully continuing with something inconsiderate

OP, what happens if they tell you they hate the smoke from your old fashioned BBQ? If they ask you you to use a gas BBQ and BBQ further from the house you're just going to give excuses not to, aren't you? I can just see the relationship with your neighbour falling apart. On a side note, BBQ food is carcinogenic, so from the health perspective I would consider cutting back.

good lord.

I am not going to change what I want to do without first speaking to the neighbours about the issue.

what if I stop doing it at lunchtime but they find the evening one more annoying? what if I only do it on Sundays when Saturdays would be better as they are often out on Saturday? if it is only about the laundry then I can do it as often as I please as long as the laundry isn't out. it would be stupid to change something without first working out what they have a problem with!

and I am not going to 'confront' them, I am going to have a neighbourly chat (like I wish they had done if they have an issue) and talk rationally as adults about it. I see no reason for it to 'escalate' in anyway.

river I have already said several times upthread that I can see that it might be inconsiderate.

primal I can only assume you have not tried both and/or are not particularly fond of it as a way of cooking. my family enjoys the flavour produced by cooking with charcoal hence why we will not be switching to gas and we cant afford a new bbq anyway