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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We are waiting to see what we have before choosing the colour for the babies room"

192 replies

FlipFlippingFlippers · 17/07/2014 10:02

Hmm

This is not an anti pink thread but seriously?! For what its worth I am female and I like pink. And blue. And green. And yellow. You get the idea. It just bugs me that people give colours gender. I do have a pink hating, dinosaur loving dd so I might be a bit more sensitive to this.

OP posts:
GoshAnneGorilla · 17/07/2014 11:01

*girls being seen as inferior.

TheFirmament · 17/07/2014 11:02

I'm very feminist by most people's standards but I don't think this is necessarily a problem. The idea that pink is for girls and blue is for boys is boring and restrictive, but it is nowhere near the problem that a lot of other sexist cultural messages are.

When it comes to girls' clothes for example, I don't give a toss if they're all pink (though, as I say, it's boring - and luckily there's actually a huge range of kids' clothes to choose from in every colour, and my DD chooses freely from both "girls" and "boys" stuff). What I DO care about is that clothes labelled as girls' carry messages about being gorgeous, cute, even sexy, princess, kittens, butterflies, etc etc in other words passivity, softeness and appearance are what matter, while boys' clothes carry messages of exploration, science, construction, sports, activities etc and sometimes also about being "trouble", "rascal" etc. Those messages are very worrying to me and I think they reinforce the deep, deep cultural gender norms that lie behind so much really damaging sexism and inequality.

But there is nothing wrong with pink, there is nothing about pink that stops you from doing anything, and I don't like campaigns like pink stinks because they suggest you can't enjoy pink even if you want to. My DD has a room that's cream and pink with green and pink furniture, why not if that's what she wants? I love pink myself too. And I'll happily paint both our toenails pink (or purple, or silver, or whatever it is that day). To me, any colour is to be enjoyed by anyone who wants to. Same goes for boys liking pink, or blue, or whatever they like.

DD has a pink t-shirt with a very kick-ass robot on it, she loves it. No problem with that.

Hillary Clinton wears pink, Angela Merkel wears pink, and plenty of powerful men wear pink.

But I will always counteract any message that tells DD she has to be merely decorative because she's a girl, or that there is anything she can't do, and the same goes for any sexist message to boys.

jellycat · 17/07/2014 11:05

TBH when we looked (13 years ago now), we found it hard to find anything neutral. We didn't know the sex (they wouldn't tell us and we didn't have a private scan) so wanted to keep it neutral, but ended up with something a bit "boy-ish" (mainly yellow with some blue) because of the lack of choice of anything that wasn't pink or blue. I suppose we could have just painted the walls cream and added pictures or a border later but I wanted to get everything sorted before the baby was born, and we wanted the walls to match the bedding. We had 2 boys in the end so it worked out well.

MrsCakesPremonition · 17/07/2014 11:06

They are insane, because who wants to deliberately wait to do a DIY job (especially one with smelly paint) until after they've had a baby?

^^ this.

Choose a gender neutral colour, there are plenty of pretty designs around and that way you can reuse your nursery stuff when you have DC2.

starfishmummy · 17/07/2014 11:06

Really? They're just colours.

No one else's business

jessiemummy28 · 17/07/2014 11:07

We knew we were having a girl but still decorated the nursery in a variety of colours... Red, blue, orange, green, white etc. I think brightly coloured rooms are much more cheerful and appropriate for babies of either sex.

Idontseeanyicegiants · 17/07/2014 11:08

Why does trying to stop 'pinkificatipn' of girls always automatically mean that they get steered towards the complete opposite? Is that not just as sexist? Fgs let them play and wear whatever colour they want to! Why can't girls choose to play with Lego friends and the usual Lego or wear some pink or have pink walls if that's what they want? A pink bedroom is not going to turn a newborn girl into a Stepford wife and a blue one isn't going to turn a boy into a knuckle dragging fool.

Chachah · 17/07/2014 11:08

good post, Firmament.

SaucyJack · 17/07/2014 11:09

" This means she went out wearing dino, boots, jeans, a lion T-shirt and a frilly tutu yesterday. I imagine it is pretty clear to the average passer by that we aren't enforcing our own, or society's ideas of appropriate girls wear on her... "

Really? How strange. As a passer-by I'd assume you were a right-on bore who was forcing your DD to dress in boys' clothes for your own political statement purposes......

" About 50% of people assume she is a boy on first meeting her...which is cool by me. "

Weird. Way to give her an inferiority complex about being female.

I'm firmly in the "colours are just colours" camp by the way. Extremism at either end is damaging to children's self-esteem and invalidates their personal choices. My middle DD is a "girly" girl, and she would be no more clever or funny or loved if she wore tractor t-shirts and played football.

MegMogandOwlToo · 17/07/2014 11:09

Why does a baby have thier own room for, they stay in the room with the parents for the first few months

I'm not sure if this is a serious question...

To store their clothes, nappies, wipes, bedding etc? To save having to decorate it after they are born? Somewhere to put their cot in advance of them going it in? Personally I wanted to get the decorating and furniture building done before the baby arrived.

canweseethebunnies · 17/07/2014 11:12

Do you understand the power of the media, advertising etc that tell girls what they 'should' like joysmum? It's a very powerful thing that needs to be challenged.

There is no irony. I'm I'm not imposing that she only choose anything. She also chose some fairy things from the playmobil range. That's fine. I'm just guiding her away from one particular toy range I find offensive. We pass opinions on the our children.

TheLovelyBoots · 17/07/2014 11:13

I'm with you OP, it does my head in. Sure let girls wear pink if they want, who cares, but the relentless pink-ness that is foisted upon girls is just ridiculous. And, it seems it begins with the nursery.

TheLovelyBoots · 17/07/2014 11:14

And, both of my children had rooms when they were born despite not sleeping there - where do you put all their stuff? Eventually, they move in (hopefully).

ipswichwitch · 17/07/2014 11:18

Didn't know what we were having with both our babies. We just painted DS1`s room green because there was no way I was going to be decorating after having him. Then he moved rooms to make way for DS2, and now has a lovely blue pirate room. If he asked for pink with purple spots I would have painted that. It's only paint.

Sisyphus85 · 17/07/2014 11:19

On the stuff with messages written on them...
The Boots range of toddler-reins I was looking at last w/e.

  1. is plain white
  2. is blue with a picture of a train and the words TRAIN DRIVER
  3. is pink with a picture of a cupcake and the words CUTIE CUPCAKE I was Shock
Glittery7 · 17/07/2014 11:20

I'm quite a girly woman. I like pretty stuff, dresses, make-up, heels etc.
My 7 yr old DD gets really pissed off with the blue for boys, pink of girls marketing.

We have bypassed smoothly princesses, pink, glitter, sparkle, Frozen etc.
Am wondering if maybe she's gay.

Chachah · 17/07/2014 11:22

As a passer-by I'd assume you were a right-on bore who was forcing your DD to dress in boys' clothes for your own political statement purposes......

not sure how a frilly tutu is "boys' clothes", but taking your statement seriously for a second - I assume you would equally judge parents for forcing their DD to dress in "girls' clothes"? if you think that's not an equally powerful political statement, think again.

TheLovelyBoots · 17/07/2014 11:25

Yes, don't you know that all little boys want to grow up to be train conductors (or footballers) and all little girls will grow up to bake cakes (or ballerinas).

It seems like you have to spend a lot of money to work your way out of this sort of marketing nonsense.

Bifauxnen · 17/07/2014 11:25

"Maybe she's gay" ffs Hmm

Idontseeanyicegiants · 17/07/2014 11:25

Both my DD's share a room and frankly the colour scheme that DD1 picked is bloody awful! She wanted pink - fine, no issue with that, it's quite bright but not unicorn vomit bright. Then she took a look at her brothers colour scheme and wanted 2 walls in his colours. Which are basically Burnley DC colours - claret and blue. We managed to talk her down to just the claret which is bad enough on adjoining walls but the blue would have been migraine inducing.. Grin
mostly Her choice though and she's happy with it. She has some Lego friends stuff too but she seems to not have got the message that this should be turning her into a pink fluffy inferior being.

mommy2ash · 17/07/2014 11:32

so much energy seems to be expended on here to lure boys to fairy wings and girls to monster trucks. to me that isn't gender neutral it's pushing the opposite gender on a child which I think is confusing for them. how many adults wish to be gender neutral? none that I have ever met anyway. I am a woman I like being a woman I like wearing dresses and shoot me now but I even like the colour pink.

Ratfans · 17/07/2014 11:34

Icebeing I knew your DD was under 4 Grin

Toddlers don't count, they ALL wear tutus and welly boots, it's just dressing up to them. They have no concept of gender, or that it's fixed.

Just wait till she's 6 and it's non-uniform day at school Grin 6 year olds are the most conservative bunch of people you'll ever meet (with one or two rare exceptions). I promise you if you have a DS he will not be going in a dress, and your DD will want to wear what all her friends are wearing.

SaucyJack · 17/07/2014 11:36

I assume you would equally judge parents for forcing their DD to dress in "girls' clothes"? if you think that's not an equally powerful political statement, think again.

I'd only judge them if they were also shouting all over the internet, thinking they were a feminist and against gender-stereotyping.

You cannot claim to be for gender neutrality and equality, and also be proud that people mistake your DD for a boy IMO. It makes you just as bad as men who won't let their sons play with dolls in case they grow up to be "poofters". The opposite of love is indifference, not hate.

Bifauxnen · 17/07/2014 11:39

It's more refusing to expend the energy limiting dcs choices. Unfortunately so many people seem determined to impose limits on my dc I do actually need to consciously combat it. Making sure they understand that all options are open to them does not equal pushing a gender upon them.
I also like being a woman, and a fairly gender neutral one at that.

Wishfulmakeupping · 17/07/2014 11:41

I had such a hard time finding non-pink bedding etc for my dd room when I was expecting your options literally are pink/blue or fecking yellow got there in the end thanks to some very helpful mumsnetters.
Think the options for clothes are improving now I've been mostly happy with whats on offer clothes wise for dd (although I do have to hunt around) but think retailers haven't caught up in terms of decorations and toys just yet