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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We are waiting to see what we have before choosing the colour for the babies room"

192 replies

FlipFlippingFlippers · 17/07/2014 10:02

Hmm

This is not an anti pink thread but seriously?! For what its worth I am female and I like pink. And blue. And green. And yellow. You get the idea. It just bugs me that people give colours gender. I do have a pink hating, dinosaur loving dd so I might be a bit more sensitive to this.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 17/07/2014 10:29

I agree from a style point of view. I think inevitably a boy's room or a girl's room will display the sex of its owner. However things like paint and bed clothes for a baby don't need to be gendered. I think making the whole room scream boy!!!! or girl!!!! looks a bit naff.

Having said that I wouldn't be too hard on them - most people don't start redecorating before the 20 week scan anyway, and if they are laid back enough to leave it till after the baby is born, all power to them.

AggressiveBunting · 17/07/2014 10:30

Anyway, we rent. Everything's cream. Problem solved

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 17/07/2014 10:30

About 50% of people assume she is a boy on first meeting her...which is cool by me.

Do you not think that by purposely going out of your way to make sure that she isn't 'girly' that she automatically becomes 'boyish'? There's such a small amount of gender neutral clothes.

I totally think that kids should be able to walk around and pick whichever toys they want to play with, provided that they're safe. I would just expect that if I was encouraging my DS to not go to the boys section, or to go to whichever section he pleased, he is still going to come out on one side or the other because of the lack of choice and a clear divide in all the shops.

Mybigfatredwedding · 17/07/2014 10:31

That's not to say I approve of pink everything (eg. Lego, globes etc) for girls, but if two parents would like to paint their baby's room pink or blue then I don't really see a problem.

I have one of each and the boy wears 'boy' clothes and has a proper short boys haircut and the baby girl wear some pink clothes and even some dresses Shock So shoot me.

Messygirl · 17/07/2014 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IceBeing · 17/07/2014 10:31

off topic but lucked what is your job and are you sure? Of course if you work in say nursery care then you are on the winning side of the gender divide...you will be assumed to be better at your job than a male with the equivalent skills....it is a subtle thing...but very few jobs are genuinely considered gender neutral.

Joysmum · 17/07/2014 10:32

We never decorated a room in prep for our baby. She came in with us initially anyway so what was the point?

Mybigfatredwedding · 17/07/2014 10:35

I find it weird that the baby would have a room . Each to their own though.

Um, what?!

forago · 17/07/2014 10:38

Also agree with the iceberg. I am female and work in a mans world (IT in the City) - I had to fight doubly hard to get there and I shouldn't have had to. I don't want your daughters (I have boys) to endure the crap I had to (getting better I thibk ?) and imo it all starts with the obsessive pink I fixation of little girls. sorry, but that's my experience.

merrymouse · 17/07/2014 10:38

But that is the problem - there is such a clear divide which is unnecessary.

Why have pinky purply Lego friends? Why not just increase the Lego range to include more domestic/school/cafe/animal stuff.

forago · 17/07/2014 10:39

pinkification

Mybigfatredwedding · 17/07/2014 10:40

I think making the whole room scream boy!!!! or girl!!!! looks a bit naff.

I agree, we did DS's room gender neutral and it is lovely.

I know someone who not only has their DD's room pink (and every toy and piece of clothing she has as well) but their entire fucking house that way. This is a woman in her thirties. It looks naffola and I always think her husband must be totally under the thumb very accommodating.

ICanSeeTheSun · 17/07/2014 10:42

Why does a baby have thier own room for, they stay in the room with the parents for the first few months.

curiousgeorgie · 17/07/2014 10:42

I decorated both my DD's rooms before they were born. Pink pink pink pink. Flowers, butterflies, bunnies and more pink.

DD2 is too young to really see the detrimental effect this is obviously having but fortunately DD1 seems to have escaped unscathed...

rose202 · 17/07/2014 10:42

My 2 both had a yellow room. Decorating after the birth, sod that!

I've tried to be gender neutral so far, didn't buy a toy in pink if it were available in red or yellow e.g the V Tech walkers, Lego etc. Dressed them in primary coloured dungarees instead of fairy glittery stuff. However now they are both are school they have very set ideas on what girls can do/wear & the same for boys. I get told by them that they won't wear something if its a boy's colour & they are very clear that some toys are meant for girls & some toys are meant for boys. You do your best but once they get to school they conform, they are 7 & 5 btw.

Mybigfatredwedding · 17/07/2014 10:44

Ds was only in with us for about 2.5 months and then had to go into his own room as he outgrew his Moses basket and we don't have room in our bedroom for a cot. We thought it would be nice for him to have a room that was decorated nicely for him.

canweseethebunnies · 17/07/2014 10:51

Lego needs to get a serious grip. My dd (age 5) was on the website the other day and after playing the building game where the dinosaur parachutes in and wrecks your island, she clicked on the girly section. It was the most nauseating load of tripe I have ever seen, and I told her so. Unfortunately, she didn't agree. They get seduced by it, and dd is not particularly ' girly' by nature.

When we went to spend her birthday money I didn't even let her look at the 'girls' section. She happily selected an emergency services set but, disappointingly, all the characters that came with were distinctly male (with stubble!).

As for the bedroom thing, my current unborn is not getting a room for now. I just bought a grey sling with pink spots. If the baby's a boy he'll just have to live with it. Except, of course, he won't care!

Chachah · 17/07/2014 10:52

YANBU

It is so strange to me that gender is usually the determinant factor in decoration choices. Why is that?! Pick blue because you think blue is pretty, pick flowers because you think they look lovely, whatever - but pick blue because "blue is for boys and my baby is a boy"? I don't get it.

Not to mention, it is the tip of a very rotten iceberg, indeed.

forago · 17/07/2014 10:53

you are right they do conform at school and want to be the same as their peers (totally understandable and fine by me) however, as they get to pre-teen (my eldest is coming up for 10) they do start to have their own opinions and exert their individuality. and you can start to see the difference, already, between the children who have been bought up with very fixed gender identities and the ones that haven't. I am not saying having a pink or blue room decides this, of course not. but it can be part of an overall picture and family ethos, again ime.

I want my children to be flexible in their ideas and to treat men and women as different but equal. certainly when it comes to the workplace and pay. I cannot emphasis enough how fucking tedious the men at work with fixed ideas on gender are - little wife at home, why are you here? why do I care about your childcare issues etc - especially if you're unfortunate enough to work for one. my experience us these men are the ones who talk about their pink and blue rooms for their girl and boy.

also, as others have said, its a bit naff?

MegMogandOwlToo · 17/07/2014 10:55

YABU. In RL, most people go with pink for girls a blue for boys. It's only on mumsnet that I see people going against that.

I painted my sons room blue before he was born, but also buy him "girls" toys. It really doesn't matter!

merrymouse · 17/07/2014 10:56

I agree forago. I live near a large sixth form college (not the kind that makes them wear suits), and I don't see much pink.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 17/07/2014 10:56

Meh. DD's room is pink. DS's room is blue.

We did both their rooms at about 4 months old.

Their playroom is mainly green with hints of other colours and DD plays with cars. DS "plays" with DD's baby toys which there's a lot of pink. The spiral around his car seat handle with toys dangling down is pink with flowers and butterfly's.

So yes their room are stereotypical but I'm hardly forcing stereotypes on them in day to day life.

GoshAnneGorilla · 17/07/2014 10:57

Actually, I find the anti-pink stuff to be just as sexist in it's own way.

Gender-neutral just means anything possibly "feminine" removed. All primary colours, so still plenty of blue, but no pink or purple ever.

Already on this thread, we've had the statement that for a grown-up to have home decor coded as overly feminine means they are either a pathetic woman or an insufficiently masculine man. That is typical of the retrogressive attitudes propping up anti-pink/supposedly gender neutral sentiments.

I just don't see hating things coded as for girls and viewing them as inferior, as anyway to combat girls being inferior.

Joysmum · 17/07/2014 10:59

When we went to spend her birthday money I didn't even let her look at the 'girls' section

Oh the irony of it.

You're imposing your will over the freedom of choice of your child. Only difference is that you're tastes are against stereotypical toys where others are for it. Either way your behaviour is exactly the same as those you are try to set yourself aside from!

curiousgeorgie · 17/07/2014 11:00

If there's a toy they want and it's available in pink, I get it in that colour so that it will match the playroom... It's not trying to make them girly, it's about my OCD... Wink