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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP read my MN, gutted

114 replies

AtSea1979 · 13/07/2014 21:20

Just that really.
He's been acting lovely for past few days and I found out he'd read my thread about him.
I am gutted and even feel like ending it. This is my safe place. This is where I come and nowhere knows me in RL and I can say whatever I want/need to say.
As a single parent this has been my life line over the years. The place I came to cry. The place I came to laugh.
Feel sad now.

OP posts:
HexBramble · 13/07/2014 21:24

Tell him it's an invasion of your privacy and to butt out.

Change your MN username, password protect your laptop/PC, problem over. This is still your safe place.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 13/07/2014 21:25

Was your thread about him complimentary or otherwise? How did you find out he'd read it? How did he know your username? The thing is, nothing online is truly private so if you want anonymity you need to be very, very careful.

Can you ask MNHQ to retrospectively name change you, so that at least he won't be able to search?

RJnomore · 13/07/2014 21:25

Oh bless I know just how you feel

DH found me through a stupid club he is part of which I mentioned on here and I felt really violated even though I don't post anything bad and my life is good. I had to change names and still don't feel safe. It's a bit silly in my case but I get that feeling.

cabbagedinner · 13/07/2014 21:25

That would make me sad too at first then angry that he snooped around on my mn.
How did you find out?

Topseyt · 13/07/2014 21:26

Delete your browsing history regularly too.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 13/07/2014 21:26

I mean that he won't be able to search all your old posts.

PinkSquash · 13/07/2014 21:27

My DH did this and I had all my posts deleted for my sake and I NCed. It's a fucking horrible invasion of privacy

JerseySpud · 13/07/2014 21:28

But to be fair you posted on a public forum for everyone to read. Granted you aren't using your real name but this is the risk of using the internet, that people will find the things you say.

If you don't want people to find out then do not share it online.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 13/07/2014 21:29

I am on a medical thread, he knew I used mumsnet and do to my recent condition it was easy to find. Unfortunately, I had gone in to a few details about our sex life from the medical point of view so he's quite put out that I told people private things. But I'm too cross he invaded my privacy and think as it's not RL then it's not the same as mentioning private things to a close friend, am I wrong?

OP posts:
BolshierAyraStark · 13/07/2014 21:29

You have my sympathy-same thing happened to me a while ago.

I now make a point if name changing every few months-quite irritating as I LOVED my original MN name & it also means I shall never be MN royalty, sob.

BolshierAyraStark · 13/07/2014 21:30

OF-ffs, twatting phone.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 13/07/2014 21:46

That's the problem when you keep having to name change, especially on long term thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 14/07/2014 07:52

DP even read about when we were dating and all the things I like/were annoyed by.

OP posts:
ThingyTheBusCleaner · 14/07/2014 07:57

Breach of trust, big time. It's the same as reading a private diary.

I had to delete my entire account a couple of years ago after ExH found me. He printed out vast swathes of text and used it against me in court.

And he wonders why we don't have a better relationship....

JoeyMaynardsghost · 14/07/2014 07:59

My OH did that to me on another forum once and repeated my posts back to me in a stupid squeaky voice during arguments.

I have never NC so damn quick.And if I ever suspect that he knows my ID anywhere I change it. He doesn't use my laptop as he doesn't know the pw and he never will.

Yes everything is on the internet and so in the public domain but it's not there to provide ammo for people [who are meant to love you] to use in personal arguments.

Katisha · 14/07/2014 08:00

With all due respect, a private diary is not available to thousands of people to read. Don't develop an unrealistic view of the Internet. Nothing is private.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 14/07/2014 08:04

Thingy that sounds awful. The judge actually let him read it as though it was relevant? I've been through the family court system myself but the judge told my ex to be quiet when he started reading out texts etc.

OP posts:
HavantGuard · 14/07/2014 08:05

The only protection a diary has is a cover. It relies on the respect of others not to open it and read the contents. It is just like using a forum like MN. I'm sure most people's DPs know they are on here but they don't go trawling through it trying to seek out their partner's posts.

ThingyTheBusCleaner · 14/07/2014 08:08

Yes AtSea, it all got used against me. It turned out he'd been reading for months and following all my name changes.

I was too paranoid to even write an email for months afterwards.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 14/07/2014 08:14

Oh that's awful.

OP posts:
DrJuno · 14/07/2014 08:19

Is your DP angry at you for what you've written?

If so I would remind him that eavesdroppers rarely hear anything good of themselves...

syne · 14/07/2014 08:21

Yes, you are BU.
You talk about your sex life, your dating past etc with the world and get pissy when the subject of the conversation learns about this and then acts 'nice' because of it!

This is RL, it's not private. In fact it's about as far removed from private as you could hope for. If you want to be anonymous on the internet you have to work at it.

I get that it's your place to vent and share but your sharing with the entire world and that includes your DP. maybe you need to tell him where he is and isn't allowed on the internet.
I purposefully don't look at the things my DP puts on here as I'm not sure I wan't to know all the gory details but that's not her choice, it's mine and likewise if your dp want's to look at what you put on the internet that's his not yours.

as an aside did you read the aibu thread about checking facebook etc of the potential nanny and dismissing her as a potential because of what she found? what did you think of her actions?

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 14/07/2014 08:39

I didn't read it no, never heard of it. But I get the point you are making, however fb is not anonymous like this.

DP used the excuse that he was concerned about my medical condition and felt he couldn't ask me so read my posts but I don't believe he read my private things out of concern, at best nosey, at worst controlling.
We talked until 2am last night and unfortunately it had a snowball effect and has left me thinking the only option is to end it, trouble is I actually really liked him but I wouldn't have a clue how to sort this out.

OP posts:
DrJuno · 14/07/2014 08:45

If a boyfriend rather than a husband had done this if be thinking the same as you OP. It's controlling.

Not that a husband should be doing it - but it's worse from a boyfriend imo

LongTimeLurking · 14/07/2014 08:55

I would say YABU. If you don't want people IRL to identify you or read the stuff you post online then do not post identifiable information on a widely read internet forum.

It could just as easily have been read by a friend, a nosy next door neighbour, etc.

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