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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit concerned about this set up?

132 replies

popmimiboo · 13/07/2014 19:52

Ok, none of my business how people chose to live but I would like a mumsnet viewpoint on this as I find it strange...

DD1 has a school friend who is 13 and her younger sister has become friends with DD2 through a club. The girls' mum seems nice enough and the "dad" who picks the little one up most times is v chatty and friendly. They are always together at social events and seem like a nice couple.

DD1 was invited to sleepover and asked friend why she had twin beds in her room as her sister is in another room (also with twin beds.) Friend replied that her godfather sleeps there as he lives with them.
Later, DD1 saw a man she didn't know in the kitchen and asked her friend who it was. Friend replied that it was her dad. The man who is always with the mum and v much involved in the girls' lives is actually the godfather. He sleeps in the 13 year old's room. He is not related to them but "mum's friend."

The dad sleeps in the parents room and the mum sleeps on a sofa bed on the landing. The night of the sleepover, DD woke up to find that her friend had gone to sleep with her mum.

AIBU and horribly judgy to find this a little unusual and not right? Is it ok for a 13 year old girl to share her room with a middle aged man?

Not to drip feed, the mum, dad and godfather all contacted DD2 by imessage today -no particular reason, nothing sinister but I am uneasy about the whole set up.

Feel free to flame me if I'm being stupid!!

OP posts:
JustTheRightBullets · 13/07/2014 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
popmimiboo · 13/07/2014 19:56

Oh, just to add, money is not an issue, they all have decent jobs and it's a lovely house so it's not like they are having to squash in!

OP posts:
HannerHet · 13/07/2014 19:57

Sounds weird, what did the messages say?

Andcake · 13/07/2014 19:58

Hmm worrying. Can't understand why mum isn't in with dd and godfather on the landing if the parents don't sleep together.
The three adults could all be in a relationship together but it's the godfather in 13 yr olds room that is worrying.

MrsCumbersnatch · 13/07/2014 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rockinghorse123 · 13/07/2014 19:59

YANBU. That is just plain odd

TheXxed · 13/07/2014 20:00

The set up makes me feel uncomfortable Confused

AnyoneForTennis · 13/07/2014 20:00

Where did your dd sleep?

SaucyJack · 13/07/2014 20:00

That sounds horribly weird and most definitely not "right".

Why can't she share with her sister? Or even her mum or dad.

Some strange unrelated bloke is the least appropriate choice, shirley?

Namechangearoonie123 · 13/07/2014 20:01

I would think their was some weird sex thing going on with the adults

And my kid would be really fucking busy at night for the next ten years

VioletHare · 13/07/2014 20:01

Why is the mum on the sofa bed and not in the second twin bed in either dd's room?

I also find a 13 year old at a sleepover and sneaking upstairs to sleep with her mum odd behaviour tbh. Not to mention the whole Godfather thing.

kslatts · 13/07/2014 20:03

Their sleeping arrangements do seem slightly odd, as does them all sending your dd messages, what did the messages say?

Billygoats · 13/07/2014 20:03

The set up wouldn't bother me , it's the grown man sleeping in a 13 year old girls room that would. Did he sleep in the same room as your dd?

YourHandInMyHand · 13/07/2014 20:03

Very strange!

overthemill · 13/07/2014 20:04

It doesn't sound right at all. I think I'd be tempted to call social services who can investigate if it is indeed all innocent. Not right at all that 13 year old girl shares room with adult male. It's abusive

Deemail · 13/07/2014 20:05

It's really weird and even weirder that each of them contacted her on fb today, I'd be concerned.

Sleepingbunnies · 13/07/2014 20:05

Weird. I don't think my DD would be going for a sleepover there again. While thing makes me feel uneasy.

BirdhouseInYourSoul · 13/07/2014 20:06

It is possible that the adults are in an open relationship which is their choice of course.

But I would be uncomfortable about a grown man sharing a room with a 13 year old. I know that him being male doesn't automatically make him likely to abuse her but at 13 she should have her own space really.

divingoffthebalcony · 13/07/2014 20:07

That is strange.

Your DD2 getting messages from these three adults is even stranger. How old is she?

Viviennemary · 13/07/2014 20:07

It certainly sounds wrong. I wouldn't let my child go to the house again. I'd also be tempted to alert social services.

softlysoftly · 13/07/2014 20:07

Odd also odd to directly message your DD

TheXxed · 13/07/2014 20:07

They messaged your DD2, who I presume is younger than 13, they should have spoken through you. Also why did all three need to contact your younger DD?

dancemom · 13/07/2014 20:10

Where did your dd sleep during the sleepover?

Original poster
popmimiboo · 13/07/2014 20:10

DD slept in her friend's room in the godfather's bed and he slept in the spare bed in her sister's room! When she woke up, friend had gone off to the landing with her mum.
DD didn't think anything of it, just the surprise about the unknown dad popping up in the kitchen!

Messages were just about a loom bracelet! Bit childish but not untoward, however I don't like that they have access to DD's imessage (my apple id so I monitor it on my iphone) and am tempted to block them. Though admit that my judgement is probably clouded by the bedroom issue.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 13/07/2014 20:11

if godfather lives with them, and whether or not he's at it with the mum, dad or both of them (fine, that's their business) why does he have to sleep with one of the DDs? Can the sisters not share a room? It sounds like a very odd set up to me, and I don't think it's appropriate for a 13yo girl to be routinely sharing a bedroom with a man, relative or not.