To be a bit concerned about this set up?

[popmimiboo]

Ok, none of my business how people chose to live but I would like a mumsnet viewpoint on this as I find it strange...

DD1 has a school friend who is 13 and her younger sister has become friends with DD2 through a club. The girls' mum seems nice enough and the "dad" who picks the little one up most times is v chatty and friendly. They are always together at social events and seem like a nice couple.

DD1 was invited to sleepover and asked friend why she had twin beds in her room as her sister is in another room (also with twin beds.) Friend replied that her godfather sleeps there as he lives with them.
Later, DD1 saw a man she didn't know in the kitchen and asked her friend who it was. Friend replied that it was her dad. The man who is always with the mum and v much involved in the girls' lives is actually the godfather. He sleeps in the 13 year old's room. He is not related to them but "mum's friend."

The dad sleeps in the parents room and the mum sleeps on a sofa bed on the landing. The night of the sleepover, DD woke up to find that her friend had gone to sleep with her mum.

AIBU and horribly judgy to find this a little unusual and not right? Is it ok for a 13 year old girl to share her room with a middle aged man?

Not to drip feed, the mum, dad and godfather all contacted DD2 by imessage today -no particular reason, nothing sinister but I am uneasy about the whole set up.

Feel free to flame me if I'm being stupid!!

That set up is so very wrong. What the actual fuck!

Oh come on why does other peoples house set up bother people so much. It's only a decadent western thing to NOT share with elder family/friends. Can't believe everyone coming on here going 'oh dear that's so weird its a child protection issue'. Its just sleep! If they all seem happy keep well out of it I would, else your'll get a reputation for interfering.

Really, midnight?

I can't think of any situation where it is preferable for a 13 year old girl to share with a male friend of the family especially when there is space for him elsewhere in the house.

What Youthecat said.

I would argue in non western cultures it would be even a bigger deal for a non family adult to share a room with a young girl. Did you miss the bit about plenty of room for him to sleep elsewhere?

Don't know where you are OP, but adults contacting a young girl about loom bands?! Wtf. Talk about an excuse for contact.

Glad you're going to take this further.

You have a duty to report and there is no excuse not too.

And no, to who asked, it isn't right for a 41 year old man to be messaging an 11 year old girl.

Glad to see you are now doing the right thing.

I think you may all be overreacting here, for one, if there was something sinister going on, surely they wouldn't be inviting people around? And secondly, if this is just something your daughter has told you, then could she not have gotten her wires crossrd, about where the guy sleeps?

I think it's really dangerous for interfering people to report anything to anyone, as you may put this family under a whole world of stress and upset that they don't need

I personally think there is way too much suspicion here.

How did the fella get your daughters number to txt her? Wouldn't it be obvious to ring her friends mum and tell her you don't want her fella texting your daughter? Have you even pulled her up on that?

You have a duty to report this OP.

This woman is a childm

Childminder- so potentially other children are being exposed to possible sexual abuse.

How would you feel if you found this out later and said nothing?

Very odd. My dcs god mother has slept on the bottom bunk of my 12yr old ds while he was in to but this was when we were full to busting (her older dd in with my dd, her baby dd in my and dps room etc) but it was a one off.

As a regular thing is seems weird not to get the girls to share and the god father have his own room.

This is classed as overcrowding at the very least:

england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/repairs_and_bad_conditions/common_problems/overcrowding

That's the law speaking.

Woah, I just read she's a CM.

You MUST report this OP. A CM's residence is the perfect target for abusers.

Surely that overcrowding doesn't apply if anyone owns their own home?

Hardly enforceable. And OP may not know their housing status.

And actually, I don't think they are technically overcrowded,

Bedroom 1 - the couple
Bedroom 2 - the adult male
Bedroom 3 - the girls share

Plus the living room will count

They just have the arrangements all in a huge, incomprehensible mess

Seems weird, definitely.

wombles same in Scotland.

slithytove As the adult male is sharing with a kid, that is classed as overcrowded. Just as it would be if two sibling teens of the opposite sex were sharing.

The rules taken from Shelter website apply only to rented accommodation so that a landlord can't rip you off. If you own your own home you can do what you like. Well, except you can't abuse your children

But the accommodation isn't too small for the household. They just have iffy sleeping arrangements.

If they all slept in one room, but had several rooms spare, it wouldn't be overcrowding.

Anyway, who knows if they are renting or not. It's more of a child protection issue IMO.

Report, without a doubt.