AIBU to think that 35 is too old...

[teeththief]

...have another baby?

How old are you Billy? What are 40-50 year olds like in your area?

In my area they are perfectly able to do a day's work, go out in the evening, play physically with kids, take them out all day, look after them at night. They listen to mainstream radio, have sky and netflix (i.e. aren't embarrassingly out of touch with modern music and media) wear clothes from Dorothy Perkins and Debenhams not Topshop maybe but are by no means in M&S classics. Most have teenage kids and are just fine, some have primary age kids and are just fine.
Where is this place where you can spot over 40s a mile off and they're 'granny' type figures?!?
Life expectancy too - how long do people live in your area? If they're hitting late 70s-80s, they'll be just fine in their 40s mostly.

As for the health issues: please enlighten me as to what you've read about these, what books and reputable reports (not the daily mail website).
I have no rose tinted specs: I've been living with a condition which makes pregnancy dangerous all my life ... so have read up on it, spoken to consultants etc'. The chance of miscarriage, some disabilities and blood pressure issues slightly rises after about the age of 35-38 depending on each woman's overall health: but if they have healthy eggs they are considered perfectly able to have children in a normal way and not 'high risk' until about 43, whereupon they have extra monitoring as they are fine in most cases.
In my case, my pre-existing condition was almost swept after the carpet because I was over 30 (i.e. once i hit 30 they could say 'age' and ignore that I'd had symptoms for years), thankfully trained medical professionals knew better and got me a treatment plan. My health is likely to be better over the next 20 years than it was for the last 10.

That's not a new thing: a similar thing happened to my grandmother and many people injured in WW2. As they recovered, they became stronger in their 30s-40s.

Of course, some people do just eat pizza and smoke fags on the sofa and are weak by 35. But that's not just their age.

"Not too long ago had dd early 2012 and in central scotland. Was constantly referred to as an older mother by several medical staff throughout my pregnancy."

Maybe you just look much older than you really are? Because there really is no other explanation for this- I am sure it hasn't happened to anyone else!

For me it would be . When I'm 35 I'll have a 16yo . But for someone with younger DCs then no 35 is not too old .

Sadly not I'm really baby faced and I'm lucky if I look 20 not 29.

Well that was the case for me sadly I can't control the medical staffs view everytime the read I was a mrs and 26, it follwed with "oh your an older mum"

The hospital midwife appologised for me having to share a ward with 2 teenage mums.

Er no. Planning no 4 when I'm 36/37

I had my dc at 27, 29, 31 and am expecting my 4th now at 33. However, I am having my 4th at the age that probably 95% of my friends were thinking about or having their first baby and I am the youngest out of the mums in dc1's class by quite a few years. So I would say it is quite normal to have babies in mid to late 30s/early 40s now.

I might say differently after dc4 is born, but I feel I could happily cope with another pregnancy after this if 4 children wasn't my ideal number :) So no I don't think 35 is too old at all.

I hope not. I'm 38 and ttc. I still think I'm 21 though and have a fun and young outlook on life. As d.d is getting older I can't wait to be a mummy again.

Its not to do with being weak or unfit. I have 2 children and have worked 52.5 hours on my feet this week alone with only a few weeks left until I have my until my third and then I only have 2 weeks maternirt leave. Regardless of this everyone I know still sees 30+ as an older mum.

If you went into your work and told them you thought you should be taking it easy now you're 35, they'd tell you to get a grip. What do you think you're supposed to do after 35, sit around and wait for death?

Its such an average age to have a baby - too many high profile examples to count, but what about someone like Paula Radcliffe, didn't she have her second at about 36 and go back to running marathons?

My mum had me at 36 and sibling at 40. I had my first at 43 (and my mum still pushes the buggy and crawls round the floor with the baby ...)

If you want another baby have one. If you don't, don't.

DumDum A very experienced midwife once informed me "if anyone brings age into why you are having a pregnancy pain when you're younger than say, 37-38, ask for a second opinion..."
She was fed up of mopping up standard issues (low iron, high blood pressure, SPD) which young Drs and Midwives had put down to 'age' (anywhere from 30+) which were nothing to do with age and had consequently been ignored.
Not understanding when someone becomes an older mum, from a clinical perspective, is downright dangerous and neglectful. It means a 25 year old with SPD gets physio, a 35 year old gets ignored.
But 26 is the YOUNGEST I have ever heard of it happening! That is quite scary!

When I was growing up, as a teen looking back parents were aged from 20s (had theirs when 16) to late 40s and in all seriousness, we never batted an eyelid and lifestyle-wise it was all very similar.
I think it really does vary where you live. Round my way (North West London) lifestyle and attitude (and health) don't seem to connect up with age that closely.
My mate with the oldest parents had the most lenient rules and we went round hers to party, the youngest mum was a very religious Muslim who was very maternal and lovely but strict as anything.

I had three in my late 30's, first one at 35. All now in their 20's, i still work F/T do lots of hobbies, walk the dog, garden, looking forward to grandchildren next and planning what to do with them ... ATM I have to borrow (i.e. babysit for a day) the 4yr old belonging to my dd's friend. I remember my mother being old in her 40's (when she had her last baby) - when I look at my contemporaries in their late 50's/early 60's none of us seem old to me apart from the men

So 35 is certainly not too old to have a baby

Bloody ridiculous. Women have enough of a tough time without some of the frankly silly comments on here.

I'll be 62 when my eldest is 30 and possibly be making me a grandmother. Hopefully i'll be retired or not working much and that would be the perfect age. The thought of being a grannie now like some of my friends doesn't appeal. You're hardly decrepid in your early sixties!!

I was having a good time in my twenties and was not mature enough to be a parent. Just as you shouldn't make judgements about some 18 year olds having kids you shouldn't make judgements on someone over 30. And that comment about the woman in her late twenties being classed an older mum? I'd be interested to know in midwifery terms what age you would have to be. I wouldn't have thought it would'nt be in your twenties.

Goodness some of you have very peculiar ideas about people in their 50s and 60s. I do hope you're not passing your attitudes on to your children.

Melissa I am worried about what your HCP have advised you though about dizziness etc'. It is NOT age related, and should ALWAYS be looked into. Have they done this?
Like I mentioned i have heard of known pregnancy issues (e.g. blood pressure, low iron) being 'written off' by inexperienced MW due to age ... when it's actually a treatable part of pregnancy.
Get back on the phone to them!

Also out of interest where are you where everyone over 30 is seen as too old? It is really interesting because like I say where i live it wasn't even an issue in the 80s!

I know it's not a popular view on mumsnet to not be in favour of older parents, but my own experiences have tinted the view somewhat.

One of my best friends is 38 and pregnant for the first time.
She has been trying for years so she is very happy. So far her pregnancy is problem free (crossed fingers!).

For a colleague it's exactly the same - she's 38, just had her first child after being very ill with epilepsy and unable to conceive for years. Her child is very much loved and my colleague seems very young for 38 anyway.

Its gone now it was around 10-20 weeks and she said its normal now Im older and to get to ground if feel faint at work. I dont mean old as in old as a person just its an older mum.

When I was growing up we thought all adults were ancient and past it. The parents people were ashamed of were the ones who were desperately trying to be cool and in touch with our generation, wearing "our" fashion and liking "our" bands.

Mumtobe thats true I'm 29, dd2 asked me if color was invited when I was wee or if it was all black and white

Those of you who disapprove of older parents (or is it just older mums?) I do hope you don't rope in your own parents to help with childcare? Because I mean, how can they possibly cope?

'I know it's not a popular view on mumsnet to not be in favour of older parents, but my own experiences have tinted the view somewhat.'

Billy your own experiences are purely that, your own experiences. They are not a basis for anything other than your personal opinion.

I had my first at 40, and am pregnant with my second (I will be 42 when due). I have no special medical needs in pregnancy, find new motherhood no more challenging than anyone else regardless of age, am fit, healthy, and given my genetic background likely to live until at least my 80s. I am also in the luxurious position of many people my age that I am not fighting my way up the career ladder, or financially stretched, and have time and money on my side to help me be the best possible parent I possibly can be.

I personally think older parents often have a lot more to offer, as they are more settled and relaxed about things. That is my personal opinion though, and no more valid than your conflicting one

Exactly Floisme!!

No one was negative about my age when I had my last two in my 40s.
I got treated like a total idiot when I had DD at 25. I looked younger though.

By the time I had DC5 I wouldn't let anyone mess me about.

I don't give a toss what younger women on the internet think either. Nor should you.

35 is a perfectly reasonable age to have a baby. Women have been doing it for thousands of years.

There is so much fuss about maternal age on MN. Always talk of being about 'to run around' after young children. IMO if you are having to 'run around' after your kids you are doing something wrong.

Its also insulting to the very many, capable parents who can't walk, let alone run.

As for the 'looking like grandmother' rubbish...you want to stand at the school gates where I live. You would be hard pushed to pick out the 25 year olds from the 45 year olds.

Not all of the young people are particularly good at taking care of themselves.

Having children in their 20s is so last century...

Flo they can't look after the children apparently because:

• They are dead - must be if they were in their final years at 35

• Too unfit and lacking energy

• Presumably in deep depression as they had their children young so that they could travel, party etc when their children were grown up and they were still young and then discovered they were past all of that by the time they were 35.