AIBU to think that 35 is too old...

[teeththief]

...have another baby?

why would anyone want to spend those late years doing the school run and bringing up toddlers into their late thirties/forties. It's not for me and I don't agree with it

Do you think it's always a choice? Not everyone meets the partner they want to have children with in their early 20s. Or do you think we should 'settle' and have children with someone we may not have chosen ideally. There are a whole host of fertility reasons people may not have conceived earlier in life. I was diagnosed with a medical condition in my 30s after having DS, which meant until it was treated I couldn't conceive again.

Or maybe, some of us just don't want to and would rather establish careers first and have fun, go travelling etc. I certainly prefer that I did things first.

I think that these decisions are really personal and that you cannot generalize.

For some 40 plus may be too old as they may have health problems or don't feel fit enough to cope with lack of sleep etc.

For others 20 plus may be too young as they are very busy with themselves, study, career, partying etc and it would be hard to fit in a baby.

It would be nice if people could respect each other's (very) different decisions a bit more rather than condemning each other ...

I would like to become at least 80 BTW (my grandparents all became 100 plus), so I do not regard 40 as my twilight years ...

Don't agree with it
Funniest thing I have seen on MN all week

One of those phrases that goes with 'it just ain't right is it though?' and 'I won't 'av it in the 'ouse'

Makes me feel all nostalgic.
Mind you thats probably because I am so OLD and approaching my dotage.

Its going to differ by what your surrounded by. On mn people seem to have children a lot older as there seems to be so many having children in late 30s/40s. Its what ever your 'normal' is around you.

I live in East London. I live in a ward with one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the entire country.

Also loads of women having babies in their 20, 30s and 40s.

Because that is what women do and have been doing for years and years and years and years.

I am the wrong wide of 40 and have recently has baby number five and am hoping quite soon to start TTF for number six.

I am not too old.

If you feel old, it's too old.

I'm 40. Newborn is on knee and 1 yr old tearing around.

I had a ball in my 20's, 30's...now doing family stuff. But some 35 yr olds are 'old'..depends if you've let yourself go!!;)

Diktrom and Devere Exactly. In my 20s, I had a creaky back, skin rashes, dizziness, couldn't hold on to a pregnancy. Got diagnosed with a treatable condition and at 35 am fit as a fiddle with a life expectancy of 75-80 they reckon. Based on that I don't feel irresponsible to be starting my family now. The baby I am carrying is more likely to be healthy, and I certainly have better health than before.
Thank goodness for modern medicine: my gran may well have had the same condition, she only had one child because of it and ended up having operations and scary times in her 30s (when she had her child). Although having said that she was very healthy as an elderly lady and lived to her mid 80s.

People do remember that women have had babies from their teens well in to their late 40s since time eternal before the availability of contraception? Yes? It is an option nowadays, so those of you who 'don't approve', don't do it. Easy.

I can see both sides of the argument. I did not go out of my way to have children as late as I did, but that's how it worked out and I am delighted that it did.
My totally anecdotal evidence is that there are more wistful regrets about children NOT had, than those had later in life (or at any time unplanned - many an unplanned pregnancy led to a much loved child).

Shall we have a discussion about whether men are 'past it' when they are 35 and unfit to be a father?

Are my 30s/40s really my 'late years'?

Blimey.

Why would it make a difference if it was a man or a woman?

why would anyone want to spend those late years doing the school run and bringing up toddlers into their late thirties/forties. It's not for me and I don't agree with it

I live within walking distance of primary and secondary schools. When DD is old enough she can walk there herself. I am not intending to be her chauffeur, I wish to raise an independent child.

Furthermore, I tried (unsuccessfully) to conceive when I got into my 30's. Later motherhood was partially a choice but due to medical issues in my early 30's it was also just the way things turned out.

I fully anticipate being an embarrassment when my daughter is older. I colour my hair, listen to rock music, paint my nails in garish/very dark colours, have several piercings, want a tattoo and live in jeans and trainers (or hippy clothes when not in those).

why would anyone want to spend those late years doing the school run and bringing up toddlers into their late thirties/forties. It's not for me and I don't agree with it

Because it is a lot easier than working .

It is a load of fun doing all the school runs and having toddlers if you have already got everything else out of your system.
Small children think that a 25 yr old is ancient!

I had DS3 at 42 and I'm probably one of the older mums at the pre school gates.

Comparing my self to some of the 20 somethings,I'm slimmer,fitter, better dressed and more groomed than the overweight,frizzy haired ,knackered looking mothers dressed in grotty tracksuit bottoms.

Age has given me more financial security and having no mortgage or rent to pay out means that I wont struggle to pay for school trips etc,it also means I have the benefit of wisdom,something I didn't have when I had DS1 at 18.

I had my 1st at 16
2nd at 24
3rd at 33
Last at nearly 35

35 feels old when your first is out celibrating his 18th birthday

Totally up to the individual

Pg with number three at 33.

I will feel too old at 35 but that will be with (hopefully) three young children running around.

I think if you have got to 35 without having kids then you won't be tired in the same way they are bloody knackering.

As far as I'm concerned, the menopause and the menopause alone decides when you're too old!

I had first DD in my teens and must admit back then I thought Mums in their 30s were ancient! They seemed sooo old! But I went on to have 3 DC in my 20s and DC5 in my 30s. Am now heading towards late 30s. Don't feel old at all! I think any age is fine as long as the baby is loved and cared for. Most Mums in my area are 30-40 with their first baby.

I was 36 when I had ds (37 now) and among my nhs ante natal group who still hang out with our babies the mums range from 27-37. Nobody knows or knew which was which. My 27yr old friend thought I was the same age she was. It's only when we all linked up on Facebook that we had any idea we weren't all the same age. You would never have known from our pregnancies or births or how we are getting on with motherhood. I'm probably the most physically fit and one of the oldest.

Also I think children age you more than years so a 30yr old with children will probably feel older and more tired than one without so nobody will ever know what it feels like to be in both situations in irder to compare.

See, I am hoping my children will keep me young for longer

I felt that lots of time to sleep, exercise and relax kept me young :)
But I guess lots of laughing and playing helps too :)

I was 39 when i got pregnant with DD, (she is child number 4, my youngest child was 12 when she was born) and early 40 when she was born.

She was unplanned and a surprise but well worth it. I dont feel any different to when i was 23 when i had my first child.