AIBU to think that 35 is too old...

[teeththief]

...have another baby?

It's all relative, I am 38 with a 20 year old ds, my best friend is 38 with a newborn ds!,whatever works for your family is right for you.

35 is fine!
Personally I think any older and the age gap between generations gets too much & families I've know with mums/ dads 40yr older than their offspring have always had awful teenage years as the v old parents have had enough by then! Ha ha

It feels to old for me personally. I don't want to be an older mother and I don't want my kids to possibly have an elderly parent to look after when they're still so young.

I wanted all my dc by the time I'm 30. I had dd when I was 26 (nearly 27) but due to childcare and money issues it looks like we might not be able to start ttc again until she's 3/4 and in nursery or reception.

Definitely think 30s are for having babies -glad I didn't miss out on fun and traveling etc In Twenties and at the moment feel that over 40 is too old for me. I had ds1 at 33 and ds2 at 35. Would love to have another before hitting the big 4-0 but unless we win the lottery...

It may be that your DH is more than happy with the 2.
They are hard enough work and he doesn't want another one and the extra work etc... it will be.
Just because you and your DD want one, doesn't mean you should have one.
The whole family has to agree on this.

And... I don't think 35 is too old at all.
45, for me, yes way too old.
But 35 - Nope!

YABU unless speaking for yourself.

I had an undiagnosed blood condition so was childless in spite of being with DH since my early 20s.
I was 35 when it was diagnosed and I was told I can have kids after all.

I'm hardly going to say "Oh no I won't now, it might upset Kirsty Allslops people" am I?
Got my self knocked up quick smart and am currently bumpzilla.

...oh and from a historical perspective, most of my grandmother's generation and before had their last nearer 45 than 35. Big Catholic families! If you're just having one or two it's your business where on the scale between say 20 and 40 they'll fall!

I'm 35 and feel I've got another 10 years before I'm too old!
I don't want another at the moment, but never say never.

...also people saying they are the 'oldest' mum in their area - it really does depend on the area! I have kids I work with with parents varying from 20s to 50s! No one bats an eyelid.

And the idea that the 50 somethings are exhausted/crawling/not as fun for their LOs is nonsense (often they are the uber parents, volunteering for everything)!

I have a friend expecting her 5th at 35, another friend who had her 5th at 38 and a friend expecting her 6th at 41. I am mad jealous, we were very blessed due to fertility problems to have 3 between 30 and 35 but I would have another in the morning if I could.

Not really.
I had ds2 at nearly 36

My parents had me at 40 and I'm expecting my first at 40. If life had panned out differently I probably would've have chosen to do it between 30-35, but my relationship broke down when I was 32 and the choice was taken out of my hands.

I feel pretty positive about it, the pregnancy has been trouble free so far, and I feel like I've done everything I wanted to do before being a mother.

No, I'd say it's a great age. I find the idea of giving children when you're under 30 quite bizarre (fertility issues excepted.)

Having. You can give children at whatever age you want but SS might get involved ...

Yes YABU. I'm 38 with my first.

For me, yanbu. Had my eldest when I was young, had my third and final when I was 26 and am finished now. I have no desire to enter my thirties and start changing nappies again, purely I've already done it and am now looking forward to the next stage of my life with them.
My pregnancy took its toll on my body third time round aged 26 and I fear it would get worse with age.
But it's such a personal decision, far from a one size fits all approach. Good luck with your chat :)

I became a mum at 41 and am at the idea that this is too old. Even if I did have a bit more physical energy in my 20s or 30s, I didn't have nearly enough emotional stamina. Of course there are fertility issues to consider but my only regret is that it was a bit too late for me to have a second child.

Yabu. Had my last baby at 35 and would love another even though I am now 45.

Nope. I had my first at 43. 35 is nothing.

I don't want to be an older mother and I don't want my kids to possibly have an elderly parent to look after when they're still so young.

FFS - most people are still working at 65 (making kids born at 35 30+), 65-75 active retired (making those kids 30-40 at that time) and only really what might be stereotypically 'elderly' after that. By those ages, 5 years here and there aren't massive.

YABU for other people, yes. Only you can tell for yourself.

I had my first at 40, second at 45 (that wasn't deliberate, it just took that long). I would now say, at very nearly 47, that I'm too old but that's because the last pg really took it out of me - I'd love to have another tiny baby but just can't face the 9m preceding it.

I have a friend who is 38 - she has been saying since she was 35 that she is too old for more, but then she had 4 DC already, one of whom is now an adult. So for her, yes she was right! But not for other people.

If you really want another baby, and your DH agrees, then just go for it now - don't hang about waiting for another year and risk the longing getting worse!

The only thing that concerns me about it is that i possibly wont see much of my grandchildren and will die when they are young. Same as my parents will die when my dc are younger than i was when my GPs died. All of my GPs have died in the last 4 years, when i've been between 32-37. My parents will be lucky to see my dc to 15-20, and if my dc have dc the same age as i was/am when having them; dc1 i will be 70, dc2 74 and dc3 78. That's hardly running around ages, i'll be lucky to see them to 10 i reckon, if i make it at all.

However, life got in the way and i was in no position to have them any earlier.

Well that's cheered me right up! :(

Yabu

Ridiculous

And not a little offensive IMO

Too old for what? Exactly?

It really depends.

Mentally, you could be ready at any point from 16 onwards. Alternatively, you could feel desperately unready at 40.

Physically, it's a bit more constrained. I think medics generally agree that you're most fertile before the age of 30 and that it starts to decline from there.

The difficult part, to my mind, is trying to get mental readiness and physical ability to both occur at the same time. I've got friends who tried for 10 years to conceive (started at age 20) or who got pregnant easily at the age of 40.

I do think it is astonishing that we, as a society of women, mostly just wing it. I'd love it if all women had the option to check their fertility level at the age of 18 and could find out if they were super-fertile (in which case, delays might be fine) or not super-fertile, in which case they could make an informed choice on the whole 'wait-or-not' debate. My step-MIL has no biological kids and she thinks it's cause she put it off too long :(

So in summary, maybe 35 is too old for some but it certainly isn't for all.

Sorry, essay!!

I think medics generally agree that you're most fertile before the age of 30 and that it starts to decline from there.

But it varies SO MUCH. It didn't matter a jot to me (who is very fertile in my mid 30s) but someone else might have low egg reserves at 29. I have heard many gynies poo-poo the generalisation as 'Daily Mail' nonsense for most women ... but of course, how to know if you're most women until you start trying for a baby? You can't exactly get pregnant as a test at 25, then 28, then 30 as 'research'?

Then of course you get people like me who couldn't have sustained a pregnancy at 19 because the treatment for my condition had not been honed finely/made widely available (I could conceive not carry)... 15 years later, in practical terms I'm more fertile than I ever was before.