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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if this is an offensive thank you present for teacher?

109 replies

powersquawker · 09/07/2014 23:51

DD has suggested that we make a 'girly box' for her thank you present to her teacher. Her teacher has a DD who is a little younger than DD and because of her commute she doesn't get to see her at all during the week so DD thought she could make a box of things for teacher to do with her DD in the holidays - like nail varnish, a cheap DVD, cake kit, board game, craft kit etc.

I thought this was a sweet idea but DP said it's offensive and that I'm basically saying 'i know you're crap and don't see your child all week, so make sure you make an effort in the holidays!' Confused

Do you think it's a bad idea?

OP posts:
TravelinColour · 09/07/2014 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CultureSucksDownWords · 09/07/2014 23:55

I think it's a bad idea from the point of view of assuming that all little girls want to paint their nails, bake and do crafts.

I also think it's a little too personal in that there is a small risk that it might be interpreted the way your DH suggests.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 09/07/2014 23:55

I think it's too many things- will add up to quite a lot even if cheap, plus as Travelin has said, it's not really for the teacher. I would pick a gift for the teacher herself as your dd hasn't presumably met the child.

MidniteScribbler · 09/07/2014 23:56

I think that would be an odd gift. Why not just buy a couple of movie tickets so she could go during the holidays with her DD?

ouryve · 09/07/2014 23:58

It would probably be remedied by a bottle of wine, or cake, or both Wink

Though, if it's from one kid, something small and personal to the child or teacher would be lovely.

TheAwfulDaughter · 09/07/2014 23:58

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BlackDaisies · 09/07/2014 23:58

I think as long as you explain your thinking and add a message along the lines of your DD having a lovely time/ fun in her class and wanting to thank her by giving her some fun/ relaxing things to do with her own DD now that the holidays were here, she'll be really touched.

starfishmummy · 09/07/2014 23:58

I don't think it is offensive but to be honest it does sound a bit strange to give to a teacher who possibly has lots of similar stuff!!

ouryve · 10/07/2014 00:00

The child being your child. eg if the teacher knows that your child has a love of butterflies, a silly hanky with a butterfly on would actually be very meaningful.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/07/2014 00:00

It's not a present for her, so it is weird. Choose something for the teacher herself.

SarahAndFuck · 10/07/2014 00:01

DH works away all week and comes home at the weekends.

He likes to do things with DS and so would probably appreciate a present of things they could do together, certainly the baking, game, crafts and DVD.

I don't think he would see it as an accusation of being a crap parent or as a present that wasn't for him.

If you know enough about her and her DD to know they enjoy those activities I would say go for it. Otherwise can you get them a voucher for something they could do together? Cinema or local petting farm or zoo pr bowling alley etc?

Original poster
powersquawker · 10/07/2014 00:01

The teacher has specifically told DD and I that her DD loves fairies like DD does so DD thought fairy related things for them to do together was a nice thought.

OP posts:
WaitMonkey · 10/07/2014 00:03

I thought it was a lovely idea, until I read the other posts, now I'm less convinced.

Staywithme · 10/07/2014 00:03

It's not a gift for the teacher so I wouldn't do it. However I have to say that your daughter sounds like a very kind and thoughtful child.

WaitMonkey · 10/07/2014 00:04

Just read your last post. Maybe a fairy related craft set would be nice for them. Your dd sounds very sweet. Smile

ToffeeMoon · 10/07/2014 00:05

I think it's patronising and weirdly personal.

Give her a box of chocolates.

brdgrl · 10/07/2014 00:05

I think it is lovely! I am a working mum/lecturer - if one of my students did it, I would be touched, whether or not the items themselves were exactly what DD liked or not - and since you know she likes fairies, go with that.

JustDontWantToSay · 10/07/2014 00:05

I would be delighted to receive that as a gift (I'm not a teacher). But receiving something for my DD would give me more pleasure than anything else because there's no greater pleasure than seeing my child's pleasure. I'd also be touched that someone had taken the time to think of my DD. FWIW I think it's a lovely, thoughtful gift and would be appreciated. It's also original, she won't get two :)

Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2014 00:05

I think a big box of choccies, and some wine would be better Wink

FloozeyLoozey · 10/07/2014 00:05

I think it's a bit odd and would add up to being quite expensive. You don't know the tastes of the daughter or what they enjoy doing and the idea behind it is weird.

FFSFFS · 10/07/2014 00:06

I think it's sweet that your DD thought of it. I would go along with it.

Teachers are used to unusual presents

Original poster
powersquawker · 10/07/2014 00:06

I know it's not technically for the teacher but surely there's only so much chocolate/wine/bunches of flowers you can appreciate/make use of? I would prefer DDs idea if I were the teacher but obviously that's making me biased and I wouldn't want tge gesture to be misinterpreted and cause upset.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2014 00:06

Yes your dd does sound lovely Smile

brdgrl · 10/07/2014 00:08

If someone wants to be arsey about getting a gift, they can read into anything. I'd trust your DD's instincts.

MonstersBalls · 10/07/2014 00:08

No way, it's just too presumptuous. How would you know which DVD to buy? Or whether the teacher wants to spend her holidays doing 'craft stuff' with her child? I would be miffed.