to ask if this is an offensive thank you present for teacher?

[powersquawker]

DD has suggested that we make a 'girly box' for her thank you present to her teacher. Her teacher has a DD who is a little younger than DD and because of her commute she doesn't get to see her at all during the week so DD thought she could make a box of things for teacher to do with her DD in the holidays - like nail varnish, a cheap DVD, cake kit, board game, craft kit etc.

I thought this was a sweet idea but DP said it's offensive and that I'm basically saying 'i know you're crap and don't see your child all week, so make sure you make an effort in the holidays!'

Do you think it's a bad idea?

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

urgh not read full thread yet but see the 'girly' box idea was jumped on immediately. Okay, not all girls want to do 'girly' activities but a lot do!! I know heaps of girls who love painting their nails. really, not that unusual a concept.

If someone wants to be arsey about getting a gift, they can read into anything. I'd trust your DD's instincts.

^^I agree with this.

[CombineBananaFister]

It's really thoughtful but not sure if it's appropriate - you can do personal gifts without it being too personal IYSWIM.
Maybe if you go ahead with it don't do the full explanation and just a 'because you and DD like fairies just like me'. To imply it's for her and her DD to do because basically she doesn't get enough quality time with her DD because she's busy teaching your child (which you appreciate) is a bit no matter how nice it's intended.
Your DD sounds like a lovely little girl though.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Those saying its too personal - surely presents are meant to be personal? I would much rather be given an "inappropriate" gift that a child a chosen by themselves than a generic whatever the parent decided was appropriate.

I think it is lovely that your DD has been so thoughtful, and I think it is a lovely idea for a gift.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

as would I, goingtobefine - wine, chocolates and fucking bubble bath are dull.

[SaucyJack]

It's a lovely thought, but I think a whole box might come across as overkill and a weeny bit patronising- as in I'm sure a primary school teacher with a small child has plenty of their own ideas about how to spend their time with their child.

Maybe just one thing- like a 100 piece puzzle for them to do together would be better.

[Lariflete]

I think it sounds lovely and my sister would love it if one of her class did that for her. I agree that putting a note in (without mentioning the time she spends with her daughter!) would be perfectly appropriate so that it was clear the thought came from your daughter.

[sdaisy26]

As a teacher myself, I think it's a really lovely idea. Tbh I get masses of wine, chocolates & smellies & while I appreciate each & every gift, it's the personal ones that really mean the most. Your dd sounds very thoughtful.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Unless the DD is in her teens, no teacher is going to find any gift patronising or insulting!

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

well, that's what I thought but judging by some of these responses... must be an 'only on mumsnet' thing

[UsedtobeFeckless]

Oh fuck are chocolates passe now?

DS2 got a big tin of chocs for the staff room as he's going to upper school next term and he likes most of his teachers and didn't want to leave anyone out ...

( I don't want to know about the shelf of shame ... )

[PotatoPolly]

Your dd sounds lovely! I think that's such a thoughtful gift, and I love the idea of a fairy card, maybe word it something like 'so you and your dd can do fairy things over the summer' so she doesn't feel bad about working during the week?

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

I think it's a bit weird. I would expect a teacher perfectly capable of making games up for own dd, not like doesn't have resources is it???

Dds time might be better spent making a poster of thanks based on fairies and colouring it in for teachers wall.

[VampyreofTimeandMemory]

fgs who in their right mind would actually think that OP or her DD were implying that they know better than the teacher about her relationship with her kid? Have you ever received a tub of hand cream and taken it to mean you clearly don't know how to take care of your skin? or a bottle of perfume and assumed they thought you smelled disgusting? talk about reading way too much into it.

[littlejohnnydory]

I think it would be lovely as long as the teacher knows it was your dd's own idea and the thinking behind it - I'm not sure that adults really think, "that's not for me, it's for my children, where's MY present?" do they?? Can see what your dh means but think that if the teacher knows it was your dd's idea and came from her then it will be fine.

[JustSpeakSense]

what about a voucher for the cinema, then she can take her DD in the hols (or she could go with her DP or a friend)?

[SarahAndFuck]

I'm actually wondering what to do about DS's teacher and TA's now and if giving any of them a present is a good idea at all.

For the two part-time college students who help in his class we have bought boxes of chocolates and DS has made gift tags from air drying claythat can double as hanging decorations. He used letter stamps to print 'thank you' onto them and hung them from ribbons.

For his full-time TA we have bought a plant and he made her a trinket bowl, thank you gift tag and a plant pot decoration for the plant from the same clay.

And for his teacher we have bought a plant, made the same gift tag and plant pot decoration and I have sewn something for her which she can either use at home as a Christmas decoration or at school as a classroom decoration. DS suggested she might like it and based on what I saw of her classroom at Christmas I thought he might be right but now I'm worried.

From reading this thread I don't know if the chocolates are boring and not personal enough because they will have a twenty-odd boxes of the things or if the homemade things are stalkerish and weird because they are too personal or cheap crap they won't want.

There was a thread on here not long ago where someone said her DS chose plungers as the party bag items for his birthday. She thought it was odd but all his friends loved them. So I'm taking comfort from that and sticking with what we have decided. But I feel really crap and worried about it now, just in case they all hate everything.

[CombineBananaFister]

Just asked DH what he thinks. He said get a present for the teacher, not the teachers daughter - maybe she's had enough of fecking crafts and wants to swig vodka and poledance all Summer. Not helpful at all but made me laugh Idiot.

[OnlyLovers]

My only problem with it is that it's a bit stereotypically girly. For all you know, the teacher and her DD might like making model aeroplanes or doing commando assault courses.

I might just stick to one or two fairy-themed things (as you know for sure that they like fairies), with a note from your DD saying they're for her and her DD to enjoy over the holidays.

But I agree, your DD sounds very thoughtful and lovely. I wouldn't have given a shit at that age

[LumieresForMe]

I think it's a lovely gift because it is thoughtful and because it IS for the teacher. It us because it's something for her to do with her dd, something you know her dd will like and something the teacher will like doing as she expressed her sadness about bit doing that much with her dd during the week.
Add a note too and I sure her teacher will really appreciate the gesture. Because your dd will have thought about her teacher, what is important to her and that's her own dd.

[LumieresForMe]

I'm surprised at how many people think that it's better to give gifts such as chocs and wine because they are neutral when the whole point if the gift is to show they gave been appreciated which warrant something more personal?

And how many people think everyone likes chocs, wind and cheap toiletries. I would load all if those.

[TalkingOwl]

I think it's a lovely idea.

[MackerelOfFact]

I've been thinking about LinesThatICouldntChange's comment about whether this would be a suitable gift for a man with a child, and it reminded me of the colleague of my dad's when I was a child. He had never met me, but would send me all sorts of gifts - t-shirt paints, chocolate jigsaws, sparkly lip balm, rucksack - because he had a little girl the same age and thought they were better than the usual diary, pen, wine, etc type gifts that suppliers usually buy for clients.

I loved it and I don't think my dad was offended!

[LinesThatICouldntChange]

That sounds lovely mackerel :)
I just speculated about the gender issue because the OP seemed to focus on the fact that the teacher is a mum who barely sees her child during the week, and the idea behind the gift seemed to be very wrapped up (pardon the pun!) with this fact: ie it would be nice for the teacher to spend time doing that with her daughter because they don't get much time together in term time. That's the part which doesn't sit easily with me. If the girl in question likes this type of girly thing then presumably it would be an appropriate present regardless of how much time
She gets with her mum. It just seems irrelevant to mention that fact in the OP. Why not just say that the girl likes fairies and is it ok to buy a gift along these lines?

[andmyunpopularopionis]

Wow - some strange responses here.

I think that getting a present that someone has actually thought about and considered is far more special than chocolates and wine.

It doesn't matter if they are things the teacher has already or anything like that. She's apparently going to already have loads of chocolates and wine as well as that's the 'easy' option.

I thinks its a lovely thoughtful gift from a child to her teacher and I think she should give the present she wants to with a little note saying why she chose that gift for her teacher.