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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand what friends are trying to achieve by putting their dc's reading levels on fb?

114 replies

m0therofdragons · 09/07/2014 20:25

A friend recently put up something along the lines of "so proud of Emma, she's gone up another reading level - my clever darling." Which tbh I found a little bragging but it's fb and I'm happy her dc is doing well. But since then 4 other friends have "celebrated" their dc moving up to level 10, 13, 11 and 9 - announced by mums in this order (not that that is important really). I don't get it. Different schools go at different rates. Dd is a fluent reader but although her current books are easy they are still interesting her so we are sticking with them not joining the competition of whose child's the cleverest based upon reading bloody levels.
What are these mums trying to achieve? Aibu for being annoyed when I see it. I actually find it disrespectful to the child - but willing to accept I may be being a bit precious on that.

OP posts:
Didyouevah · 09/07/2014 20:27

No I completely agree. It's the "feeling blessed with a wonderful school report for my darling girl"

Fuck off!

Cooroo · 09/07/2014 20:28

Life can be awful, shit going on all over the place. Then good news - your child is doing ok! Something good to say.

No maybe most of them are just bragging. Didn't have FB when my DD was that age. But I do announce awesome things she's said or done because I adore her and am so proud of her artistic ability and wit. Her maths is appalling so I don't comment! I think you have to give people a bit of leeway - they are happy.

lornemalvo · 09/07/2014 20:29

They are probably just pleased and proud which is nice but it is definitely socially unacceptable to do this. Their children deserve privacy regarding their academic development as well. They sound annoying.

EatDessertFirst · 09/07/2014 20:31

I'm on the fence I'm afraid.

YABU because its up to them what they share. They are allowed to show their pride in their LO. They may have family members as friends who they may want to 'blanket' share info with as they may not be local. You don't have to follow them.

OTOH, didyouevah hits the 'smug-mum' nail on the head.

Philoslothy · 09/07/2014 20:31

Maybe they are proud of their children and wanted to share, unfortunately they are sharing it with someone who does not want to share their joy.

ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:31

I know, I find it very annoying.
It's not a competition!

CoffeeTea103 · 09/07/2014 20:33

You need to ask yourself why does it bother you. It's something that you can easily hide/ not participate in/ ignore/ positively comment. The fact that is bothers you that someone has something good to say about their child, says more about you.

writtenguarantee · 09/07/2014 20:34

YABU for being so annoyed, but I think getting into a race is unhealthy for the child. My child is a very good reader but I think she reads out of competition rather than enjoyment. the teacher gives her books that are too difficult in my opinion, but she wants to read them anyway because she gets the recognition of a higher level. I think they are too advanced; whilst being able to read them, I think her comprehension of what she has read has gone down.

I think if your child likes reading the books she's reading then that's great. the habit and enjoyment of reading are what I want my kids to learn at this age (of course, there is a limit. if you have a 16 year old reading picture books, then perhaps it's time to be a little pushy). I think being pushy might just turn kids off.

ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:34

There's a difference between being proud and bragging though. I don't feel the need to share that kind of stuff on fb. It does make you look smug IMO.

CeliaFate · 09/07/2014 20:36

Yabu, they're telling you how proud they are of their child who's done well in something.

I'd much prefer to read that than some misery-fest.
Block them if you don't want to hear nice things about your friends' children.

ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:37

I don't think it does say anything about me really. Other than the fact that I dislike smug posts perhaps :)

ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:38

I'm happy to hear nice things about my friends children. I d

MerryMarigold · 09/07/2014 20:40

I think this kind of stuff isn't good - for the kids. It shows parents are concerned about where their kids is at - not for the child's sake, but for theirs.

I brag about my ds1 all the time on FB when he stuns me with some insight or uses a funny turn of phrase (What a cracking goal!). But these are not specific and measurable academic 'achievements'.

I don't mind school report bragging as that could just be generally a good report. If someone said, "I am so chuffed my ds1 is a level 5 Maths in Y3" then I'd be a bit Hmm. The reading levels are specific and measurable so I think that is what's wrong with them.

Heels99 · 09/07/2014 20:42

Gcse, a levels or uni graduation - yes

Anything else - no.

Heels99 · 09/07/2014 20:42

Just respond 'never mind, they"ll catch up soon"

MerryMarigold · 09/07/2014 20:42

Having read some of the comments on this thread, I'd say there are a few Mums here who do it!

I can't believe people think it's acceptable to share their child's reading level.

Original poster
m0therofdragons · 09/07/2014 20:42

I'm happy for them to be proud of their dc, and an delighted for them, I just don't see the need for the actual level to be included. I guess I never enter into these play ground chats either as I discovered early on my dd was fairly well ahead and so I just made other parents feel rubbish when they'd be going on about their dc being level 3 and ask what dd was on. Always felt uncomfortable as she tended to be about 5 stages higher. Now I think people assume dd is doing badly as I don't mention it and if asked I say "oh, not sure"

OP posts:
ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:44

I'm happy to hear nice things about my friend's children, such as "Little Jimmy learned to ride a bike, went to a nice park, had a nice holiday" etc.
I don't feel it necessary to know every time they go up a reading level.
Some of my friend's children are struggling at school and I think it must be disheartening for people to read these kind of posts.

MerryMarigold · 09/07/2014 20:44

Heels, even GCSE's. You wouldn't write, "We're over the moon, Johnny got all A* in his GCSE."

However, "We're so proud Johnny got a A* in his History because he worked really hard on it". That would be fine

Iownafourinchporsche · 09/07/2014 20:44

I really root for my closest friends kids so would be very chuffed to hear the news. However general blanket FB news is a bit showy offy.

Tweasels · 09/07/2014 20:45

It's weird. Especially because reading levels mean so little other than as a guide to the school. Children learn to read, they do it at different rates. The end outcome is roughly the same.

I don't believe anyone does this without the sole intention of being smug.

ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:45

MerryMarigold has said it much more succinctly!

Tweasels · 09/07/2014 20:46

Your last post makes you just as bad OP Confused

ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:46

Exactly Tweasels

ophiotaurus · 09/07/2014 20:47

Oops cross post I meant this:

It's weird. Especially because reading levels mean so little other than as a guide to the school. Children learn to read, they do it at different rates. The end outcome is roughly the same.

I don't believe anyone does this without the sole intention of being smug.