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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not understand what friends are trying to achieve by putting their dc's reading levels on fb?

114 replies

m0therofdragons · 09/07/2014 20:25

A friend recently put up something along the lines of "so proud of Emma, she's gone up another reading level - my clever darling." Which tbh I found a little bragging but it's fb and I'm happy her dc is doing well. But since then 4 other friends have "celebrated" their dc moving up to level 10, 13, 11 and 9 - announced by mums in this order (not that that is important really). I don't get it. Different schools go at different rates. Dd is a fluent reader but although her current books are easy they are still interesting her so we are sticking with them not joining the competition of whose child's the cleverest based upon reading bloody levels.
What are these mums trying to achieve? Aibu for being annoyed when I see it. I actually find it disrespectful to the child - but willing to accept I may be being a bit precious on that.

OP posts:

JustAShopGirl · 14/07/2014 15:13

but - does anybody really care?

I skim read stuff like that, think "oh that's nice" and move on.

WorkingBling · 14/07/2014 15:21

I don't understand. Why is that bragging? It's a post to say you're proud of your DC? Why can't you celebrate the achievements of your DC without it being called bragging? I think you're reading too much into it.

Having said that, I'm note English. And I have noticed that what I think is perfectly normal, as do my friends and family, isn't necessarily the case with my English friends. If someone tells me that their child is doing really well at reading, I take it to mean that their child is doing really well at reading and that the parent is proud. It doesn't occur to me to think the parent is actually telling me that my child is stupid or whatever.

reup · 14/07/2014 15:22

A mum at my daughters school posted a pic on the schools fb page of her son reading. It went on about his much he loved reading and how great he was at it which was fine but then she included the exact level so everyone knows he was reading 2 yes ahead. I really cannot understand why.

reup · 14/07/2014 15:22

2 years ahead.

IamSlave · 14/07/2014 15:24

If someone tells me that their child is doing really well at reading, I take it to mean that their child is doing really well at reading and that the parent is proud. It doesn't occur to me to think the parent is actually telling me that my child is stupid or whatever

same here working.

minifingers · 14/07/2014 15:40

The point of posting reading levels is to let everyone know that their child is WAY AHEAD of most of the others. That's the point in flagging up their actual reading level. Why bother mentioning otherwise?

How many people mention it when it's average or below average?

IamSlave · 14/07/2014 16:22

Mini how do you know your child is way ahead...all other may be at same level...

OPohdear · 14/07/2014 16:38

minifingers, If children grow up and find out that their parents have been boasting about them - well, it's hardly going to psychologically harm them or their reputation.

In the best case, it's embarrassing - the worst (skid marks?!) downright humiliating. I'm sure school bullies will target parents' FB, trawling back years...

WorkingBling, My rule of thumb is that if I was chatting with a group of friends and I would be happy to mention something in that context, then I'm happy to reference it on Facebook.

Except it's a publicly taped conversation that anyone can potentially overhear, for ever. So not like chatting with a group of friends at all.

shebird · 14/07/2014 16:39

Posting actual levels is not always boasting but let's face it, it usually is. I've yet to see a post saying 'well done my darling DC for reaching level x in line with national expectations'.
Are the parents who boast post perhaps looking for praise themselves for raising such a clever child

finlandstation · 14/07/2014 16:51

O dear. I have just posted that dd had a fantastic report. But let's face it most primary school reports are positive anyway.
Would never post levels though or say so proud dd one year aheah etc etc.

WorkingBling · 14/07/2014 17:33

OPohdear - actually, it really is the same for me. I don't post things on facebook that I would be uncomfortable talking about in a group setting. The things I tell my best friend over a glass of wine are not necessarily the things I'd mention on facebook. The things I'll mention when sitting around chatting with a group of mums, sure. I assume that if I mention something in a group setting it could go anywhere. Ditto facebook. And talking about what seems like a not terribly secret or high level thing such as what DS is doing or not doing, seems exactly like what I'd talk about then.

If I was worried about DS' reading, I probably wouldn't discuss it openly in public in any way. I'd keep that for people whose advice or support I value, not a random group of people I'm talking with over lunch.

BravePotato · 14/07/2014 17:38

massive parenting fail here, but I have never known exactly what reading level mine are on. Oldest DS is around average, youngest must be above, but I don't think teachers have ever given me an exact level or is it me?

OPohdear · 14/07/2014 17:42

WorkingBling, do you really want your DCs, their friends and their potential bullies, not to mention future partners and even bosses, to be able to listen in to your casual chats with friends or mums, now and forever? I certainly don't.

WorkingBling · 14/07/2014 17:49

maybe we chat about different things!? Seriously, yes, perhaps your point that I might share a few things with a group of mums that I don't consider public is true and I'm being a little simplistic there.

But broadly speaking, I never put anything up on facebook that I would be embarrassed by the world knowing. And I wouldn't be embarrassed by the world knowing that DS is reading well. I probably wouldn't post that personally because I think it's a bit boring, but I wouldn't see anything strange in someone else posting it about their children.

WorkingBling · 14/07/2014 17:51

actually, now that I think about it, a similar possible situation for me could be that DS has a language delay. His speech is coming along in leaps and bounds now though and DH and I are so pleased. I could imagine posting something about that, if I could find a suitably amusing and erudite way to do it.

Maybe some of these happy reader posters are the same - they were worried about their children or concerned that they weren't reading enough or whatever and now they've overcome it?

My point is that I just don't see it as bragging and wouldn't think twice if I saw a post to that end.

OPohdear · 14/07/2014 18:18

But it's not about whether you'd be embarrassed by the world knowing, it's about whether your DC would be embarrassed - and a language delay is exactly the sort of thing they could be embarrassed about in the future.

needaholidaynow · 14/07/2014 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buttercup27 · 14/07/2014 18:48

Try being the teacher of these annoying pushy, glory seeking parents. Yes they can read the words but do they actually understand what they are reading ? Are they fluent? Are you sucking all the fun out of reading because you want to be the best ? Arghhhh can you tell I've got lots of these on my class ?

OPohdear · 14/07/2014 19:35

But needaholidaynow, they are your DCs, not a social accessory!

WorkingBling · 14/07/2014 19:35

Well, any family stories about DS' language delay are going to be about how amazing he is and how he did so well and didn't have any long term problems, so if he's embarrassed, so be it. Sorry, a) overcoming hardship is something to be proud of and b) we're not talking about a penis infection here…!

OPohdear · 14/07/2014 19:45

if he's embarrassed, so be it sums it up nicely.

Floggingmolly · 14/07/2014 22:11

I wouldn't say perfectly fine exactly, needaholiday, I can't imagine anyone with more than one brain cell giving a shit about any of those things you mention either, really.

But at least it's only you (in general, not you personally) who comes across as a boring twat, your kids are not held up for public scrutiny along with your dinner menu.

FriendlyAmoeba · 14/07/2014 22:43

If you're seeing a post about someone else's child doing well, and feeling threatened by it and seeing it as a competition, it says more about you than the poster. It takes two to compete.

WorkingBling · 14/07/2014 23:00

Friendly, agree completely.

And yes, I am relaxed about a certain amount of embarrassment for dc. This is normal. Similarly, the sheer amount of data out there means it seems pretty unlikely that anyone is going to google "working blings ds" when he's interviewing for a job and come up with a reference I made in passing twenty years ago about his reading etc.

This discussion is bizarre to me. Most people are not trying to make others feel bad when they talk about their children and yet people think that "joey is reading well" is aimed at them is ridiculous. Similarly, of course I don't want to cause ds problems or unhappiness but he's a toddler. I am allowed to reflect on my experience with him.

Happy36 · 15/07/2014 01:12

They´re just proud. I don´t do it myself but find it quite endearing when some of my friends do it.

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