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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel uncomfortable mentioning this?

132 replies

feelsawkward · 08/07/2014 19:29

Am going away shortly with my DP for a couple of nights to somewhere v expensive/luxurious as a treat for both of us.

It looks, and I'm sure will be pretty incredible and I am (we both are in fact) really excited about going. But I feel quite uncomfortable about mentioning it to pretty much anyone, in fact I haven't told a single person I know in RL, because it costs more a night than some people I know pay in rent for a month Blush and I don't want to be accused of being a show-off/boasting (stealth or otherwise).

DP says we both work hard and deserve a treat, and whilst he's not madea big song and dance about it, he has mentioned it to several people he knows - his argument is that anyone who is a genuine friend, even if they are in a far worse financial position, would be happy for us...I'm just not that sure people's emotions are that straightforward Confused

OP posts:
Mmmicecream · 09/07/2014 05:29

People will only be curious if you're cagey. I know someone off to a tropical island, I asked where they were staying as I fancy going there myself, and they were cagey about it and eventually told me the name of the hotel after also saying they were self-conscious about the price. So of course I looked it up Grin when I wouldn't have otherwise - I was only really asking as I wanted to know where on the island they were staying, not what hotel

tisrainingagain · 09/07/2014 06:04

Which kind of room are you staying in OP (sorry, being nosy)? Hope you have a good time.

CornChips · 09/07/2014 06:17

Have a LOVELY time!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/07/2014 07:10

I think there's no need to say which hotel you're in until asked. Even if you do name it, I don't think many people would know how much it costs, less still how much you've actually paid. I've got some great deals on hotels over the years, I'd expect my friends would be pleased for me.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 09/07/2014 07:16

Bear panoramic view can be described as seeing something from altitude

Esmum07 · 09/07/2014 08:09

I had to hunt this post out as I was watching it last night and I am afraid the footie took over!

I cannot understand the person who called your hubby a nob because they 'can't stand people who show off'.

Look, every six months or so DH treats me to a night in London and a theatre trip. I have that to myself. DH stays at home and takes DS out for the weekend for treats. I use points that DH gets for staying at various hotels when he travels - he is away three to four days a week hence my treat weekends now and then.

Point is, the hotels would cost about £250 per night if I 'paid' instead of using the points. I stay one night usually unless DH has amassed enough for two nights.

If friends ask what I am doing at that weekend I tell them. If they ask where I am staying I tell them. If I were staying in your hotel I'd be telling them upfront as I would be excited. Why do I tell them? Because, when I started doing this a couple of years ago one of my friends said I was lucky she wished she could do that but couldn't afford it. One of my other friends said "well, you smoke twenty a day. That's £49 ish a week. Leave off the cigarettes for six months and you would have done two of those trips for each one of Esmums!" She puffing away £500 every three months. Her money, her choice. My friend pointed out that her own DH had a Starbucks everyday and they took the kids there at least once over the weekend. Assume £2 a coffee x five days plus £10 at the weekend for friend plus kids drinks and eats and that is £20 a week.

My sister bought a 55" TV when she upgraded recently. We have a 27". My neighbour bought a second hand car last year but a newer registration. Our car is 12 years old and works fine so we stick with it.

Point is when many people say they wish they could afford it they have spent there money elsewhere. I don't mean people living from hand to mouth. I was brought up in a house with no running hot water, coal fires and a bath in front of them with a loo outside so I know what being poor is. BUT my dad smoked and we had a beach side UK holiday each year so we weren't in poverty, the money was spent elsewhere.

So enjoy your trip and let DH be proud. Only in the UK would we call someone a nob for spending their hard earned money on a fantastic weekend and telling people they have saved or worked harder to afford it. Bugger them. I would EB shouting from the rooftops and putting up banners. Then I would check the envious ones spending patterns...

Theodorous · 09/07/2014 08:18

Have a lovely time. Come back with pictures. We have a night booked later in the month so I want to hear all about it.

Haggischucker · 09/07/2014 08:40

I get what OP is saying as I have people in my life who take great pleasure in pointing out they have nothing and I can treat myself to nice things (as I work hard and save!) I've got to the point where I don't care as I know my true friends are happy that I'm happy and vice versa. I never gloat about stuff and only put minimum photos etc on the evil Facebook but some people are just happy being miserable and bringing others down.

I do disagree with others though, I would totally ask what hotel you were staying in, what restsurants going to eat at, etc. as that's my background!

You will have an amazing time! Enjoy! :)

thegreylady · 09/07/2014 09:24

Enjoy it and post some pics when you come back. I'd be telling everyone as I'd be so excited :)

QisforQcumber · 09/07/2014 10:30

"I think you are massively overestimating how much of a shit anyone else will give."

^ That said it all really didn't it?

deakymom · 09/07/2014 11:28

tell them you won it lucky you Envy

Coumarin · 09/07/2014 13:20

We've stayed at some pretty 'posh' places. We do that instead of a holiday abroad some years.

No one has ever asked which hotel we've stayed/are staying at. Not once.

If they did ask, I'd tell them. I doubt they'd really give a hoot or know how much it was and even if they did then so what?

I'm not really getting it.

Coumarin · 09/07/2014 13:21

But yes, enjoy it. Relax. Don't worry about what anyone might think (they won't), have a good time.

bugslife · 09/07/2014 13:41

Its nobody else's business how you spend your money, unless they were talking about problems paying the rent and then you showed them pics of your hols - that might be seen as harsh.

KnackeredMuchly · 09/07/2014 13:47

Oooh OP it's just beautiful! Have a fabulous time!!!!! Flowers

RedSoloCup · 09/07/2014 13:51

Hi OP, just to say I wouldn't have a clue how much these things cost neither would I look, if uncomfortable why not say you've won vouchers towards it or your OH gets an amazing discount with work or something, have a fab time whatever....

Pagwatch · 09/07/2014 13:51

Go and have a good time.
Just be vague and wafty. It will be fine.

With any luck no one in real life will say 'oh it's not all that, x hotel is much better'
I don't know why anyone would imagine mn would provide nicer comments than real life.

ajandjjmum · 09/07/2014 14:58

Lovely post Esmum - and what a lovely DH you have!

Well thanks for that OP - I'm now seriously tempted to book the London hotel for DH's birthday (he's already bought tickets himself for the National Theatre, so would tie in nicely), and Burgh Island would be great for our wedding anniversary!!!! Grin

Have a fab time feelsawkward!

BreeVDKamp · 09/07/2014 15:01

I don't really get why there'd be a 'fallout' when you tell your family? Your money, do what you want with it! :)

WhatsMyAgeAgain · 09/07/2014 15:11

We went on an expensive holiday. It went on the credit card. I doubt anyone resented me or thought we were rolling in it.

Enjoy.

And you can always tell them you got it on Groupon!

TheLovelyBoots · 09/07/2014 15:13

I think it's wise to err on the side of discretion when discussing holiday plans.

Original poster
feelsawkward · 09/07/2014 19:22

Thanks to those who have posted nice/helpful comments! DP is lovely, not flash at all and definitely not a knob - this whole trip was his idea, I'd have been happy in a Holiday Inn (although I am really pleased we are going).

I guess it's true about what people spend their money on - I do have friends who really struggle in jobs paying close to NMW etc, and I know for them even a Sun £9.50 holiday would be an extravagance, on the other hand a lot of our friends have an all inclusive week/fortnight with their families in the Med every year - I've not had a proper 'abroad' holiday like that for about 4 years, and DP hasn't for closer to 10. So in comparison our 2 nights of luxury doesn't seem quite so bad.

Am going to enjoy it, certainly don't intend to boast about it, but if there are any snippy remarks from friends/family am simply going to ignore!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/07/2014 20:10

OP, I have a very nice car. When people say "that's a nice car, how do you afford to run it?" I just say "yes, it is, isn't it ?"

DH and I like our cars, always have

we make other sacrifices so we can have our nice cars

you enjoy your break and don't give it another thought

ajandjjmum · 10/07/2014 14:34

feelsawkward
Just to say I have booked using HSUMM10 code through Hotels.com today - which brought the price way under what the hotel can offer, and includes breakfast. If you've got a flexible booking, it might be worth looking at. Smile

IamSlave · 10/07/2014 14:44

I am so glad to be free of the jealous, comparing myself mindset! Thank god wit all my other human flaws I am free of that one.

Op i feel really sorry for you that you dont feel you can tell people.

I generally feel over the years all my friends have had spots of lovely things happening to them, things they have made happen and bad things too.

There are plenty of awful bad things out there arnt there...how can anyone begrudge anyone a spot of loveliness.

its not your problem if they cant handle you staying in a nice hotel.

we cant really go anywhere and I would have to stat saving years in advance for two nights in lolvey hotel!! I have friends jetting off all over hte shop...i dont feel anything but happy for them

have a wonderful wonderful time, dont make such a big deal of it