AIBU to find faddy eating habits annoying.

[runningonwillpower]

I have just spent some time with an extreme faddy eater. No special dietary needs, just preferences expressed volubly as a need.

I have preferences but because I eat a wide and varied diet, my choices have to take second place, always.

Is it really ok to dismiss perfectly ordinary food as disgusting (as I'm eating it) just because it's not your preferred choice? Is it really ok to insist on your choice of restaurant because nothing else suits?

What do people really think about the faddy eater? Should we accommodate them? Always?

I don't even know why it irritates me, it just does.

"I have a major problem with people telling me the food I eat is boring and I should eat what they eat. I don't discuss my fussiness. It's the non fussy eaters that bring it up and make it into a big deal."

This^

I have a "limited palette" but can usually find something to eat at most restaurants but when people notice that I eat the same 3 or 4 dishes (haddock, gammon steak or steak pie) i get castigated for eating the same bland stuff and not being adventurous and having a curry like they are (again BTW). I'm old enough to know what I like and why should I choose something that I might not like and waste money?

I have ibs, am vegetarian and cannot handle spicy food so I guess you would consider me faddy but what I do and don't like is fuck all to do with you.

I would not consider you faddy. You have dietary needs.

And I don't want particularly want to make my friend pay for food she doesn't like. My irritation is that she would never pay me the same consideration - she doesn't care what I like as long as her preferences are met.

I have a friend who has to open her sandwiches and have a look inside to check for 'things' before eating. I must ask her if she's ever found anything.

Depends. Does your friend criticise or make mock chucking-up gestures at your food OP?

I'd find that annoying, but anything else I'd ignore. People are allowed not to like stuff.

When people talk about their wide and varied diet I'm always tempted to ask them to list their dislikes because we all have a different view.

The only things I would not eat unless starving are raw oysters, olives, snails without garlic, beetroot, hummus, halva and coleslaw.

That's a combination of flavour - acceptable - and a little of texture - not as acceptable - but if you dig deeper you find many people don't like things they find slimy or gritty or bony or bottom feeders.

It's also very common for people to dislike offal because of what it does in the body. I was bemused by some people insisting NO ORGAN MEAT!!! when they'd inadvertently ordered liver in a foreign restaurant.

I'd happily eat it and all other types of offal including blood products, brains and stomach and intestines. But I can see why they didn't want to even though I thought they should have been a bit calmer about it.

I don't mind 'fussy' eaters if they stick to what it is they don't like. Eg I have friends who i know wont eat rice, noodles or pasta ever. That's obviously fine and up to them.

But what does bug me is what i term 'faddy eaters' which are like DH and will chop and change and not like things one day, then will like it the next then not again the following week. Or like DH (and exH - i must attract them!) will have caveats. So cheese can only be eaten with certain foods and at a certain temperature etc. When people ask if there is anything you don't like, they give a list like, 'well potatoes only if they are in x style, and cheese has to be y style, meat but not with a sauce, unless its tomato sauce, but i don't eat tomatoes on their own...' The amount of times me and exH used to go to friends for dinner and they'd serve something and say 'well i know you like z' and exH would say 'oh, but only if it's served with y'. Just eat it or don't.

but surely adult fussy eaters began as children? so why's it ok if you are a child, but not in an adult? My ex was hugely picky with what he ate, and yes his stock phrase of 'i CAN'T eat that' (you can, you just dont want to!) drove me nuts, but he wasn't doing it to be a pain, he just didn't like stuff, was really anxious about new stuff and was generally a bit OCD about life. I think anxiety around food creates people who obsess over it and turn into 'fussy/faddy' eaters.

I'm quite a fussy eater. I'm a vegetarian, don't eat fish (just never liked it), and have had to stop eating, eggs (although seems to be ok as an ingredient), most cheese ( I love cheese), white bread and weirdly Linda McCartney sausages as they just don't agree with me and give me terrible stomach pains. I also don't really like spicy food. I don't tend to shout about it though. I will just eat other things if we're eating out, if we're at someone's house I'll just stick what I can eat.

Yanbu, it irritates me a little but that's because I do have a genuine allergy to eggs and nuts and carry an Epi pen.

I was a fussy eater myself so I have a lot of sympathy for other fussy eaters but I've had a few near misses where my allergy was assumed to be a fad (I.e. lumped in with the food fads of another person who listed loudly what she couldn't eat to a waiter)
.

Eating disorders, food phobias, fear of vomiting, dietary allergies, intolerances, ibs, etc etc
"Faddy eaters" op, you sound unempathic, bet your mate enjoyed the dinner date with you !!!

Well done maddening on posting what you wanted to say with scant regard for what it actually said in the OP.

The OP's friend has "No special dietary needs, just preferences expressed volubly as a need." You clearly do have special dietary needs so that is a completely different situation.

You have said that if necessary "I will go along anywhere and try and find bits I like" whereas the OP has stated clearly that her friend always insists on her choice of restaurant so everyone else has to accomodate them. Again, different to your situation.

And you haven't commented on the rudeness of the OP's friend loudly describing food that other people are eating as "disgusting"

Why don't people on here actually read the OP before making nasty comments.

*No special dietary needs, just preferences expressed volubly as a need.
*

Is that such a difficult statement to understand?

I am the least fussy person I know and am always having to plan meals around who doesn't like mince, who doesn't like spicy food, who doesn't like fish etc etc

These are not people with dietary requirements, just fussy eaters who don't appear to like many foods.

Trying to cook something to suite everyone can be very tricky sometimes.

Does your friend criticise or make mock chucking-up gestures at your food OP?

No, but she sometimes says, 'boak'.

Of course people are allowed to not like stuff. There's stuff I don't like - but I can work round that without bugging anyone else.

That's the trouble with aibu, isn't it? People more or less read what they want into an op and use it as an excuse to get their dander up. Its very tiresome.

rhine I don't find any of that difficult at all.

When I eat at McDonalds, I remove the pickles from my quarter pounder with cheese and place them discreetly in the cardboard box. I'm not aware that my habit of 30 years has inconvenienced my fellow gourmets but next time I go, I'll check that they're not observing me. I'd hate to distress anyone.

When my mother was around I would take care to invite her to restaurants that served food she'd eat. Isn't that what you do when you invite someone out?

Most restaurant menus manage to combine a well-done steak and chips with the kind of taste sensation that only the most wildly adventurous and sophisticated palates could fail to be excited by.

Eating disorders, food phobias, fear of vomiting, dietary allergies, intolerances, ibs, etc etc
"Faddy eaters" op, you sound unempathic, bet your mate enjoyed the dinner date with you !!!

She enjoyed it fine. Because I always accommodate her preferences. (Preferences mark you, not phobia, food intolerance, dietary need................)

OP have you been eating out with my MIL? She refuses to eat vegetable except boiled potatoes, cooked tomatoes, pasta and cheese. The only rice she will eat is fried rice, but it must be from a restaurant, it must have peas in it (which she won't eat). Bread can be sliced or a roll, but gluten free must be bought for her. However, if the fucking expensive GF bread is in the freezer she will eat the normal bread you have bought for your children. At a push she will eat mashed potato. Before she self diagnosed her gluten intolerance, I took all this into account and cooked a shepherds pie for her. I didn't use any vegetables (which would be my favourite part) She refused to even try it because it had a pastry shell and she decided she doesn't like pastry. Wouldn't even just leave the pastry and try the rest.

We have also walked for over an hour while on holidays trying to find a restaurant she would eat in. If it was just adults I wouldn't mind,but we had our then 6 and 1 year olds waiting to eat. So I think YADNBU to be annoyed with fussy faddy eaters who think everyone else should always fit around them.

13loki - you have described well the person I have in mind.

Does your MIL look at perfectly ordinary food and say, 'but I don't like that!'? So we all have to find an alternative.

she sometimes says, 'boak'

Well why didn't you say that instead of talking about 'faddy' eaters?

One is rude, the other is a matter of taste.

As I said, I eat lots of stuff. But added to my list of dislikes, I'd have to be desperate before I could eat a raw insect, especially something like a cockroach, locust, fly, maggot or any kind of grub, a raw rat, a raw eyeball, gut contents or rotten meat or vegetables.

That to me is not faddy.

What do you think is?

My sil is a vegetarian who doesnt like vegetables :( cooking for her is not easy unless you do cheesey chips/pizza or macaroni.

I can't stand people commenting negatively about what others are eating, it is very rude.

That includes fussy eaters who can't stop telling you what their food limitations are, and how they hate what you're eating, and robust types who go on and on at fussy eaters demanding to know why they are the way they are.

But my least favourite food bores are the people who have intolerances or allergies (self-diagnosed) who spell out in excruciating detail all the unpleasant symptoms they would get if they ate what you're having (hello SIL, if you're reading). I do not want to hear about your problems with bloating, or constipation, or being sick, or rashes, at the dinner table.

As I said, I eat lots of stuff. But added to my list of dislikes, I'd have to be desperate before I could eat a raw insect, especially something like a cockroach, locust, fly, maggot or any kind of grub, a raw rat, a raw eyeball, gut contents or rotten meat or vegetables.

As I said earlier, I eat a wide and varied diet but I would eat none of the above.

I have also said there's stuff I don't like. (Who doesn't?)

I'm talking about extreme preferences played as a trump card that beats everyone else's choices. So she is faddy and rude.

I know what you mean - its up to everyone to decide what they will and will not eat but its when they draw attention to their faddiness that it becomes irritating. I remember a previous thread here re 'Gareth' and the 'Spicy as Fuck' restaurant - still laughing about it.
I knew one person who was so fussy that she insisted that no-one on the table could order food that she did not like because she could not cope with watching people eating food she disliked. She did not get invited out very often!

I was with a group of friends in a restaurant in Calais and they decided to try escargots. I nearly boaked at the thought, and didn't order a starter, so when that arrived, I made my self scarce so I wouldn't have to literally boak at the table (genuinely was about to) went back to the table when it was safe and they had finished their slimy delicacy to be accused that I had spoiled everyone's enjoyment as I refused to sit there and watch them eat them.

Judging by the empty platters and depleted wine glasses I rather doubted that! And I was severely ill. TBH it ruined my day as all I wanted to do was crawl into bed after that!

To add insult to injury they then asked me to pay for my share which I hadn't even wanted, ordered or eaten!

Someone who goes 'boak' at your table is rude. But you didn't say that. You talked about faddy people and only introduced Lady Boakness when I asked you.

I'm not wearing my unfaddiness as a badge of courage. I'd still like to know what you dislike.

I chided rhine about her criticisms of her father by talking about eating out with my mother who would only eat well-done meat or fish with boiled, roast or fried potatoes and well-boiled vegetables or casseroles.

What's wrong with that? What's difficult about that?

I am English and spend a lot of time in Italy. It amuses me on Mumsnet to read posts about the 'continental' palate. Admittedly not yours.

I have never encountered a more conservative palate than the Italian or one more open than the British.

Food intolerances and veggies I can understand, and am happy to cater for, either at home or in restaurant choice.

But people who make a huge song and dance about not liking this and not liking that irritate the hell out of me. Not everyone on this planet has a choice about what they eat (or, even, whether they eat), so if you really detest certain foods, at least detest them quietly. I did once explain to my DC that if I never cooked things that some of them didn't like, our diet would be very boring. They decided to go for the alternative of having one or two things each that they didn't eat, and to put up with the rest. Much easier on the cook and, in the long run, easier for them.