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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking this is absolutely not the child or parents fault

137 replies

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/07/2014 22:11

I've spoken to my brother today his nearly 3yo daughter is cared for whilst he works by a outstanding registered child minder with quite a few years experience.

He's distraught because today the child minder phoned him requesting he collect the child earlier than usual as she had been being very very naughty, at this point no other information was provided.

It turns out the childminder had been on a day out and the not quite 3 year old was able to escape a apparently fully enclosed area and be missing long enough to escape the venue and be seen by a member of the public in a very very dangerous situation in a adjoining location (think potential to be killed). The total stranger grabbed the child (who was wearing a hi vis vest matching the childminders) and located the childminder and had a good old rant at her threatening to report her to children's services and apparently it shook the child minder up.

The childminder ranted at him about how dreadfully behaved the child is to the point that he was apologising and at no time took any responsibility for her role in the incident. She said she hadn't noticed his daughter was missing.

During the course of the conversation the childminder stated it had shaken her up because a related child had several years ago died in her care it sounded like a preventable incident caused by inappropriate supervision and she didn't want to have his daughter again because she's a disruptive horror and the child's fault the stranger yelled at her.

We are talking about a very little 2 years and 10 month old child. Surely the minder should take responsibility for what happened?

I've suggested he does not use her again and does report but he's now doubting whose responsible.

My brother does know I've posted this

OP posts:
LoisEinhorn · 08/07/2014 09:43

Unforgivable.

How many kids did she have that she didn't notice one missing?
I'm a CM and my kids where hi viz jackets. I'm constantly counting heads and looking to see where they are and that's just coming back from school.
Speak to Ofsted straight away

BookABooSue · 08/07/2014 10:08

Your poor niece and brother! Definitely report. If the kind stranger spoke to the venue before he found the CM then it might be worth giving the venue a call. They'll be able to verify what happened which might give your DB more confidence in reporting the incident. (also you never know the venue might know the kind stranger and then your DB could send them a little thank you note too!).

Marylou62 · 08/07/2014 11:00

This is awful. I am a nanny and a very careful one at that...only last month my charge...just 2...got out of the park. I was watching him closely but turns out I was watching wrong child. He had ran quite a distance away and only realized when another mum pointed it out. It could potentially a terrible incident......I was shocked, upset and very embarrassed. IT WAS MY FAULT. I told the lovely parents and it will NEVER happen again (I hope). I am even more careful. No way do I blame this little child. It was my fault, I wasn't watching carefully enough and I have been a nanny for yonks. Get your DB to read this and tell him that the CM is so so so wrong.

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/07/2014 12:38

lois

In total there were 8 children and 2 childminders obviously the child minder was only responsible for 4 of those children, my understanding is that my niece is the youngest mindee.

My brother has taken a parental leave day and not sent niece today. He will not be using her today.

He got a text from childminder today (I have seen a screen shot of it) after he left a message saying she wouldn't be returning the text was extolling the wonders of continuity of care for spirited children and how important it is.

He replied that that supervision was rather more important that she had failed and not even apologised then blamed a toddler.to which he received a one line reply

"I failed I'm sorry"

I'm rather spectacularly dumbfounded that it takes that much and an incident of that magnitude to even get a half arsed forced apology. No I will make sure it won't happen again,no these are the steps I'm taking,no I'm reporting for investigation

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 08/07/2014 12:47

Being a childminder means you have to assume children might be 'naughty' (or rather not cognitively able to plan and forsee danger) and plan for that worst case scenario!

I have had a child of that age disappear and it is incredibly frightening. I didn't blame the child, though, I blamed myself entirely whilst also understanding that many other parents and childminders have had similar close calls.

I don't think it it unforgiveable that this happened, even with hi-vis vests, a parent or childminder might turn to chat to someone else (normal behaviour) or bend down to get something out of a bag and a child of that age might do a runner.

It is unforgiveable that she was so angry and defensive about it, she should have been logging it in her incidents book, apologetic, and wondering how to change her procedures.

allisgood1 · 08/07/2014 12:50

Report her or give me her name and I will. People like her should have nothing to do with children. This is a huge safeguarding issue. What if another child dies in her care and you could have done something to prevent this?!?!

Itsfab · 08/07/2014 13:15

I have three children and was a nanny. I lost my child for about 5 minutes once and a child I was nannying for for about 4 seconds and in some ways the losing the nannied child was worse - though before I was a mum so hard to compare. When you are looking after someone else's child you have to be even more careful imo

momb · 08/07/2014 13:21

Holy smoke: if that were my child they would not be back there and OFSTED would have been called at 7.30 this morning.

Absolutely shocking behaviour from a childcare professional. No way is a three year old responsible in those circumstances.

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/07/2014 13:45

Ofstead has been contacted by my brother this morning

OP posts:
LingDiLong · 08/07/2014 13:48

Good for him. It's her attitude in the aftermath that is the most appalling bit of all this. Mistakes happen, kids DO wander off even when you're risk assessed and kept a close eye on them. But you don't blame a 2 year old for it!

LemonBreeland · 08/07/2014 14:17

Glad he has contacted Ofsted.

BlackeyedSusan · 08/07/2014 14:56

so glad he has contacted ofsted.

Itsfab · 08/07/2014 15:09

Given that the law says a child can't be responsible under the age of 10 it is impossible to say that a two year old is at fault for walking off unchallenged. Unless of course she normally lives independently Hmm.

allisgood1 · 08/07/2014 15:23

I'm glad he contacted OFTSED. I sincerely hope she gets shut down.

For me it's not about losing a child. This happens to anyone, even the best of us. It's the fact that she wasn't running around in a panic looking for her when the little girl was brought back! Never mind her disgusting attitude since. Spirited child or not, kids escape. Don't blame the child or their personality. Vile woman.

mustbetimeforacreamtea · 08/07/2014 23:36

IME reporting this to Ofsted is a waste of time. When my dc was badly hurt at nursery it was reported to Ofsted. Ofsted were only interested in whether all the relevant authorities had been notified and gave the nursery two weeks to produce necessary paperwork to show that they had carried out risk assessments and safety checks.

The calls had been made and unsurprisingly they came up with paperwork so Ofsted took no action. The details of what happened are available if a parent asks Ofsted in writing for all correspondence about the nursery but how many parents know this?

I would urge parents to ask Ofsted for copies of correspondence relating to any nursery or childminder they are thinking of using. Their powers are so limited and they rarely take action against childcare providers.

Calypoppy · 08/07/2014 23:54

My kids were 'runners' at that age. It's not about naughtiness (even though they did sometimes know it was naughty), it's that whoever is looking after them has to watch them with the eye of an eagle. It's much harder when it's not just one to look out for but three or four. It probably doesn't help if you are fundamentally disinterested in childcare beyond it's ability to bring you a small paycheck. Like a PP, I was often in a situation at local playgrounds where minders would chatting together and one of their mindees would wander off and I would go and grab them (not all the playgrounds were enclosed either). Some would go off at the child, others would apologise. I guess they knew that other parents would also be watching out but all it takes is one occasion when others aren't keeping an eye out. To be honest, I'd prefer a center for this reason (even though escapes sometimes happen even there) if I was going to put a child in care.

Babybellyblues · 08/07/2014 23:58

Another reason why I would choose a nursery over a cm. a good fence around the garden area.

tanukiton · 09/07/2014 00:12

My 3 year old is a runner always has been. he is now getting so quick if he is more than a few feet ahead , i can't catch him , turn around and gone. I am seriously thinking about tagging him in the park with one of those luggage gps things.. Luckily his 6 year old sister is quicker. It is getting better but I think I have got another year or so before it sinks in that you can't just go where you want when you want.

tanukiton · 09/07/2014 00:13

It would have been unfair to send my son to childminder.

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 09/07/2014 00:15

Sooooo she lost one child in her care and she decided to start a childminding business?

It was a preventable death?? In her care??

Really op?

As an outstanding cm in my time I have to say I find this very very strange.

Was there a court case? There usually is when a child dies?

Please can you elaborate?

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 09/07/2014 00:17

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thecuntureshow · 09/07/2014 00:55

It's so weird that the childminder told your brother all about how a stranger had gotten his dd and then how he'd ranted, then she'd ranted about how terribly behaved your brothers dd is (to him), and that this and that came up in the conversation, and that this had caused her to be shaken up, and that no one apologised... And she also told your brother that she had told the stranger that she was taking no responsibility for this. She ALSO told your brother that she had told the stranger that she hadn't noticed his dd missing

Quite incredible

Or was it your very little 2 yr old niece that told your brother all this? Hmm

Happydaysatlastforthebody · 09/07/2014 01:00

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Happydaysatlastforthebody · 09/07/2014 01:05

Please people like babybellyblues read the whole ft.

Does make sense to you? A death of a child and another lost? Really seriously?

And cms do have fences too!! How wierd a choice is that over a nursery?

Ah mumsnet.

Lots of mad threads tonight but this us sure up there with the best.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 09/07/2014 02:14

Sounds awful