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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking this is absolutely not the child or parents fault

137 replies

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/07/2014 22:11

I've spoken to my brother today his nearly 3yo daughter is cared for whilst he works by a outstanding registered child minder with quite a few years experience.

He's distraught because today the child minder phoned him requesting he collect the child earlier than usual as she had been being very very naughty, at this point no other information was provided.

It turns out the childminder had been on a day out and the not quite 3 year old was able to escape a apparently fully enclosed area and be missing long enough to escape the venue and be seen by a member of the public in a very very dangerous situation in a adjoining location (think potential to be killed). The total stranger grabbed the child (who was wearing a hi vis vest matching the childminders) and located the childminder and had a good old rant at her threatening to report her to children's services and apparently it shook the child minder up.

The childminder ranted at him about how dreadfully behaved the child is to the point that he was apologising and at no time took any responsibility for her role in the incident. She said she hadn't noticed his daughter was missing.

During the course of the conversation the childminder stated it had shaken her up because a related child had several years ago died in her care it sounded like a preventable incident caused by inappropriate supervision and she didn't want to have his daughter again because she's a disruptive horror and the child's fault the stranger yelled at her.

We are talking about a very little 2 years and 10 month old child. Surely the minder should take responsibility for what happened?

I've suggested he does not use her again and does report but he's now doubting whose responsible.

My brother does know I've posted this

OP posts:
NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure · 07/07/2014 22:24

When I was a nursery nurse and we took the children out I would be counting heads constantly - in charge of someone else's child you should be paranoid that something could happen and be doing everything possible to prevent it. If this child was able to get out of an enclosed area and be somewhere else long enough to be rescued by a stranger the she is clearly not paying attention to all her charges. To then blame a child who is not even 3yrs old and would not really have a full understanding of danger...report the woman. She does not deserve to have responsibility for children.

hiccupgirl · 07/07/2014 22:24

Def report to Ofsted straight away.

The fact that she is blaming the almost 3 yr old rather than beating herself up for not noticing she had wondered off would be enough for me to never send my child near her again!

Wickeddevil · 07/07/2014 22:26

Please report to your local child protection team as well and not just to ofsted. You should be able to find the contact details on your county council's website.

I hope your DN is OK Flowers

DizzyKipper · 07/07/2014 22:27

I agree with everyone else. Blaming a 2 year old is not only barmy but also just a really horrible thing to do - she's the adult, the child was in her care, of course it was her responsibility to watch over her and make sure she was safe. She failed to do that and as a result your niece was in a dangerous position and could have actually died? What the hell? Report, report, report! Never let this person look after her again.

SquattingNeville · 07/07/2014 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allisgood1 · 07/07/2014 22:27

A child died in her care?!? And she is considered an outstanding Childminder? Is this a joke?

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/07/2014 22:28

He won't send her back at all. And my response was very much the same as yours instantly. He was just really flustered because how adamant she had been about his daughter being so naughty.

The child that died in her care was related to her and she was not professionally minding that child, I can't put the exact details in as its very identifying but it's the type of thing that if on a thread on here would be 50/50 between she's been punished enough and how could anybody let that happen its so preventable, And my brother had no prior knowledge of it before her rant today it was quite a few years ago.

My brother is very susceptible to doubting his skills as a parent and its really thrown him. He's blaming himself for not knowing the history

BOF yes it's true.i wouldn't post if it wasn't. Feel free to report if you don't believe it instead of implying I'm a troll.

OP posts:
VictorianGrandchild · 07/07/2014 22:28

Its gossip.

JumpRope · 07/07/2014 22:28

A related child? Does that mean a relative? Perhaps it wasn't in a professional capacity. So sad.

ToddleWaddle · 07/07/2014 22:29

Please tell your brother it is in no way his or especially his DD fault.
Poor kid must have been terrified.
Definitely do not use childminder again and report.

YouTheCat · 07/07/2014 22:30

If a related child died in her care then it's possible she wasn't paid care in that situation or you'd think she would have been stopped from being a childminder.

Bogeyface · 07/07/2014 22:32

Classic defensive behaviour. "It cant possibly be my fault so it must be your/their fault"

Its disgusting and he should definitely report her to OFSTED. The only mistake made today was not verbally tearing her a new one.

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/07/2014 22:33

It's the childminders fault, child protection is the first case priority

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/07/2014 22:35

victorian

Nope not gossip the child minder herself disclosed the death to my brother, he had no prior knowledge she used words along the lines of

"She's disruptive i'm so angry my nerves can't take it not since [name of child] died"

My brother said he didn't know what she was talking about, then she told him.

That is not gossip

OP posts:
BOFster · 07/07/2014 22:35

I am not implying you are a troll Hmm. I am wondering how accurate the account (including the 'accidental death' snippet) is, if you don't know firsthand. But it certainly doesn't sound like the kind of childcare I would want to use.

breakfastnotattiffanys · 07/07/2014 22:35

Its in the job title "childminder"! She obviously wasn't minding the child closely enough! As a retired childminder I would say that although this sort of thing can obviously happen in the blink of an eye the responsibility lies with the childminder to keep the child safe. If the child is "hard work" she should have taken this into account and kept her near her at all times. I understand that the childminder has had a shock but she is the responsible adult and I think she is lashing out to deflect the element of blame. In that situation I would have been mortified to think that I had let a child in my care get into such a dangerous situation rather than launch a tirade about how naughty a 3 year old had been. He is well shot of her!

Frusso · 07/07/2014 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/07/2014 22:37

And she was not professionally minding the related child that died given the relationship it would have been impossible for her to have been doing so.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 07/07/2014 22:39

so a relatives child, who she was responsible for at the time, died tragically/preventably, and she STILL does not look after her mindees properly?

Lots of questions here.
How can you not notice a child wearing a hi vis Jacket is missing from your sight? Hmm
How big was the enclosed area? and the venue?
How come the stranger managed to get enough info from a lost not even 3 yo, to be able to locate the adult she was supposed to be with? Did this not involve them walking off with the child? That's not ideal - why did they not hand over to a member of staff at the venue? All sounds very odd to me.

SquigglySquid · 07/07/2014 22:40

Report her to the police for neglect. It's a two year old. Their logic doesn't consist of much more than "That looks interesting, let's look" or "What happens if I do this?".

Even if the kid was 8 and this happened it would still have been her fault.

You hired her because your child is NOT capable of looking after herself or making sound judgement. So why would the childminder expect the child to alright unsupervised. Your child could have been kidnapped, killed, hit by a car, eaten something poisonous, or any number of things that happen to wandering children.

She needs to be reported before another kid dies under her care (and... a kid died under her supervision?? Jesus Christ!). The fact that she's taking zero personal responsibility is alarming and shows that it will happen again.

OscarWinningActress · 07/07/2014 22:41

Sorry, but I would judge the parents for leaving their child with a totally unsuitable childminder. It's your CHILD; do your homework. Unless DB is in dire straits, I don't understand this scenario at all Confused.

VictorianGrandchild · 07/07/2014 22:43

So much heresay.

A child in her care, not professionally, died. That could be anything from choking to the CM being 8 years old herself and a younger sibling dying. So much conjecture. But we can be assured, the inquest didnt lay blame or we'd know the CM is a convicted murderess

cees · 07/07/2014 22:43

She wasn't doing her job and hasn't the gray matter to see that she is totally incompetent, what a plank.

I have on occasion had one of my own wonder to far away but never would I have blamed anyone else for my mistake. She is the only one at fault here.

phantomnamechanger · 07/07/2014 22:44

what on earth do you mean Oscar? - as far as the parents were aware this childminder was highly rated by Ofsted and presumably till today they were happy with her. what are they being judged for?

ShineSmile · 07/07/2014 22:44

Please please report her. Imagine if another child has to go through what your DN was put through and the worst case scenario happened, you would feel guilty forever.

And what a bloody cheek of the woman! She sounds horrid.