...to not want my niece to have Mum's wedding ring?

[RingOrNoRing]

I've namechanged for this, not that I think any of my family are on here but you never know

We lost our Mum 2 years ago, and I know 2 years might seem a long time but it's still very, very raw and I don't know if that's clouding my judgement

My eldest niece is getting married in a couple of years and her Mum (my sister) said at the weekend that she's thinking of asking our Dad if she can have Mum's wedding ring. Mum left all of her jewellery to my sister and I jointly and we shared everything else out but couldn't decide who should get that so we left it on Mum's bed and it's been there ever since

My sister said she's told her daughter that she can't see a problem with her having it "because it'll go to her eventually anyway" (not sure why she thinks that, probably because I'm child free) but I don't like the idea and I don't really know why

No idea what I expect anyone to say, perhaps tell me I'm being daft

How about you get the ring valued and your niece 'pays' for the ring. The money could then be split between the other grandchildren (or to a relevant charity.) It probably would only end up being a small amout of money but perhaps it would feel fairer. Your niece would get the ring and all the grandchildren would get a little symbolic treat.

Sorry about your mum.
Yanbu to feel like this. I can see why your Dn and DsIS think this would be. A good idea. I agree that it might be worth thinking who you would leave it to if it were yours to choose.
This must be very hard.

Yy, i think its a little presumptuous of them.

I think YABU. you have no ideas for this ring yet they have such a nice idea in place which I'm sure your mum would have loved.

And despite what people say I hate the thought if melting down jewellery. It's not about the metal it's about what they chose. That piece. Yet it's melted down into just simple gold

Op I am sorry you lost your mum. It's completely normal for it to be very painful after 2 years.

Having said that, the ring is a piece of metal and rock. The things you should treasure are memories and photos of your mum. Let the ring go, it will be healthy for you. Keep the memories and photos. I'd hate for people to be upset over the dividing up of possessions after my death - I'd prefer everything to go in the bin if the alternative is a squabble.

It's a really difficult one. Whilst it's 'only' a piece of metal in reality it's far, far more than that - you probably remember playing with it on her hand when you were little, for example, and it's something that was/is very much part of her - it's linked to many of your memories of her.

I lost my Mum 2 years ago too, and her rings are still at home with Dad. Whilst we have moved on the pain of losing her is still very raw - and you know what? That's OK. And it's OK (imo) to say to your sister and niece that you are not quite ready to let the ring go to your niece - if that's what you feel. Ultimately it has to be a joint decision between you and your sister, and one that you are both comfortable with - if your niece had been getting married 5 years from now perhaps you wouldn't be feeling this way, but she's not.

What I'm trying to say, in a long roundabout way, is that if you don't feel comfortable with it then you have the right to say no. No-one else can tell you how you should feel, or what you should do - and being pushed to give it to your niece if you don't feel ready could cause resentment further down the line.

If you do decide that you want her to have it then that will be a lovely gesture - but if you don't feel quite ready to make that decision then that's fine, and you have every right to say no.

OP firstly I'm very sorry for you loss

We had a slightly similar issue when my grandmother died. My Mum was one of four daughters and the jewellery was meant to be split between the four of them. Unfortunately by this point relations between the eldest daughter and the other three had become quite soured.

My GM had an opal ring which my mother wanted me to have, as it's my birthstone. My eldest aunt refused to let my mother have the ring and took it. It broke my Mum's heart and mine, as I had been left no jewellery and was extremely close to my GM. But I had been left some money (not a great deal) and so my Mum thought it would be nice to use it to buy an opal ring.

It isn't the same as having my GM's ring but I do feel an association between it and her. Is there anyway something similar could be done with your niece?

I can completely understand where you are coming from, and unlike me your niece did receive other jewellery. But the thing about my situation that upsets me the most is that neither my aunt or her daughter use or wear the opal ring- I have no idea where it is right now and it saddens me that it is probably just locked away somewhere, whereas I wear my ring pretty much everyday.

No idea why this thread has been resurrected, but I do hope the OP lets her niece have the ring, especially since there appear to be absolutely no other plans for it whatsoever. I was the next grandchild to get married after my grandmother died and we were allowed to have my GPs' very plain gold wedding bands. My GPs actually bought them when they became engaged and each ring is engraved with their initials and the date of their engagement, 12/6/1932. It is so special to me that we wear their rings, and a much more fitting tribute to them than if they sat in a jewellery box gathering dust.

You should have seen the hoopla over who would get my grandmother's green malachite ring, however

Were there any other pieces that were left as you couldn't decide -could you let dsis take the ring for her dd and you take another piece?