Was DH unreasonable to ask the neighbour's kids

[differenttoyou]

to go inside at 9.40 this morning. There were 3 of them and they'd been outside on their trampoline (which buts right up to the fence) since 8.00 am singing at the top of their voices. Eventually we couldn't take it any longer as they started to sing a song from Frozen and they ramped up the volume until they were virtually screaming. DH called over the fence and asked them to go and sing inside.

I think community is about everyone having a voice. So yes, kids playing around outside, kicking balls etc. But also other adults feeling free to say now and again that the noise is a bit much and can they calm down for a while/take it indoors whatever.
I would rather know that my neighbours felt comfortable to sometimes say to the kids 'can you keep the shouting down please. I'm trying to read' than to be hovering around myself anxiously worrying as to whether they're getting a bit noisy and annoying people

Basically give and take. Accept that their will be children around playing noisy games, chattering loudly in their gardens and so on; and also accept that sometimes it's ok for someone to just ask for them to take it somewhere else.

Obviously people constantly jumping up and down if anyone dares make any noise are unreasonable; as are parents who think their children's right to play outside supercedes everything else at all times and no one should say a word to them.

Basically we shouldn't be too analytical about our 'rights' and just accept that sometimes you have to put up and shut up whether as an irritated neighbour trying to snooze in the back garden but realising the kids next door want to play chasing or as a parent who would like the kids to go out and play at 9pm on a Sunday but accept that John next door is just not in the mood for loud singing this morning and asked them to take it inside.

9 am on a Sunday (bloody wine)

Quick update: lovely young NDN has shown me how to play Dancing Queen CD on the player she just lent me. I just need to find the lyrics and of course warn my immediate NDNs of the 9:40pm performance. Of course I'm in inviting them to join in too!.

Like NASA: countdown has commenced. Better dig out the lycra.

"I think community is about everyone having a voice. So yes, kids playing around outside, kicking balls etc. But also other adults feeling free to say now and again that the noise is a bit much and can they calm down for a while/take it indoors whatever.
I would rather know that my neighbours felt comfortable to sometimes say to the kids 'can you keep the shouting down please. I'm trying to read' than to be hovering around myself anxiously worrying as to whether they're getting a bit noisy and annoying people

Basically give and take. Accept that their will be children around playing noisy games, chattering loudly in their gardens and so on; and also accept that sometimes it's ok for someone to just ask for them to take it somewhere else."

Bloody hell, Vintage - you can't go round being all reasonable like that!!

There will be a performance of 'Dancing Queen' at 9:40pm tonight. All NDNs into it.
Very loudly and very badly - we are all at least slightly unhinged!
See Part1 if this makes no sense.

Can we bring Wine??

I know SDT alcohol has that effect on me.

Having spent a lot of yonks on community doodahs - let's give my way a go (I've read and seen so much theory and 'applied practice' I might vomit - more than any amount of Chablis) - the only failure will be me making a complete idiot of myself, hardly worrying or possibly getting bailed out of the local nick in appalling lycra clothes.

Everyone is welcome to join in and bring/take what they like but Dancing Queen at 9:40 pm is the only thing necessary to do it.

Or you ain't invited. Start your own.

I will be there, Recharging. One question, though - is Lycra the right choice, or would silky bell-bottoms with lots of sparkles, and big blonde wigs not be a more suitable choice?

Still do want a thread with a proper discussion of what living in a community with all the generations really means/ should mean, because I think it is absolutely not about keeping kids quiet during the day, personally...

I think this is rather a key point here. Doesn't it make sense for children to be loud as they wish while outdoors unless it is bothering someone?

I struggle with whether my children are being too loud. I think ideally they would be loud outdoors during certain hours, and then my neighbors would tell them to shut up if it was bothering them. Isn't this a pretty good utilitarian argument?

To clarify, they would be free to be loud outdoors during certain hours, but not necessarily loud. And resigned to quiet during others.

I really don't think this needs to be so complicated. Surely people can act and react, rather than endless speculation and anxiety.

I think ideally they would be loud outdoors during certain hours, and then my neighbors would tell them to shut up if it was bothering them. Isn't this a pretty good utilitarian argument?

Sounds fine with me - I have no problem with other sensible adults having a reasonable word with my kids about their behaviour at all, and with doing the same to other people's kids - but I would have a problem with anyone telling my kids to get out of their own garden, just as I would if they told me to (rather than asking them to quieten down - even though the request is expected to be obeyed).

Agree it should be common sense - but so many comments along the lines of (not a direct quote and no idea who said it) "When my DD used to bounce a basket ball in the garden I always made her stop out of consideration for the neighbours" - as if that was how things should be - wtaf?

I think that's a matter of semantics, there seem to be equal numbers of people who feel that saying "can you please sing indoors" (me included) is not sending someone inside but rather just specifying the level of noise you can tolerate outside. As in, if you're going to sing continuously, please take it inside; otherwise do carry on outside.

But what if we're all being much, much more quiet than we actually need to be? Why not just open the dialogue and communicate more spontaneously/politely/freely?

MrTumbles it was me you have misquoted. What I actually said was "When my own daughter is outside bouncing a basket ball in the evening she gets asked to stop in consideration for the neighbours."

The important words here being in the evening. Maybe I should have specified an exact time so people don't think that I'm drip feeding.

Different I don't think your DH was BU at all. If my children came in and said a neighbour had asked them to go in because they were being invasively noisy and disrupting other people, I would be absolutely embarrassed and mortified....and would take round a peace offering later after scolding DC

Ah was it different - I did forget reading "in the evening" (to lazy to flick back and check) - but then how is it relevant to what is happening at a perfectly reasonable time in the morning? (Concede you may have explained that already, if so, I apologise).

If my children came in and said a neighbour had asked them to go in because they were being invasively noisy and disrupting other people, I

would fall about laughing hysterically - no real human child would come in and tell you that is what had happened, even if it was! They'd say they were just singing and the neighbor yelled at them to go inside!

adults are regularly invasively noisy and disrupt other people - mowing lawns when babies (or adults) are napping, doing DIY all Sunday afternoon, having a civilized, non illegal yet loud enough to disrupt 8 year olds trying to sleep irritating party punctuated by playing the accordion, singing, and cackling loud tipsy laughter in the garden on a warm and stuffy school night... (that bit about the accordian may just be my next door neighbours) yet fail to be mortified and bring around peace offerings - why is only child noise embarrassing and not part of the give and take of putting up with other people if we live in close proximity?

I think that I did explain. Anyway, I made the comment in the context of being considerate towards neighbours in general, nothing to do with the specific time of day.

And just to repeat for one last time, I also said that had they actually started later in the day nothing would have been said at all. It was all to do with the time it started and the length of time it continued. Nothing else.

Of course children can sing happily in their own garden.Your DH is an arse. Won't he be out sometime mowing the lawn or hedgecutting or (god forbid) strimming.It amuses me that MNers think they have some sort of a right to silence

I was woken on sunday morning at 8:15 by neighbours' kids having a screaming row in their back garden. They were very obviously taken indoors imnediately by their parents (fair play). Half an hour later i was woken again by their dd (aged 9ish?) shouting JUST SHUT UP DADDY, SHUT UP SHUT UP. In the garden again. FFS! Later in the morning is reasonable to have children playing & making noise. 8am on a sunday, no.

Same goes for my other neighbour who had no qualms about using his chainsaw at 8am the previous sunday. Too early!

Last year we had somebody's little darling feeding rabbits/guinea pigs/whatever at 6.30am every day & giving a very loud running commentary about it all. Every fucking morning. At 6.30 fucking AM. They've moved or somebody has asked them to pack it in, haven't heard it this summer!

Nope, sorry to disappoint you. The gardener does it during the day when most people are at work.

Ah well you see, hard one to realize but folks is folks and Recharging's NDNs got right into this...without nary an explanation. All of us are different from each other, we get on and live, we are people just like you.

We have our own lives.
We are all essentially the same.

Yep we did it - 9:40pm - bad singing of Dancing Queen, on our trampolines, in lycra.

The Poleece haven't been round yet. And if they come unfortunately I am now in PJs (De-lycraded).

And a (couldn't give an horse's arse if it's not mumsnetty) hug to different because I love difference, because the same can be so boring and that is after all what we are, the same.

The secondary school kids are walking past our house to the bus at 6.30am on a school day, talking and calling to each other... a lot of people are up by 6.30am on a work day (though nobody over 10 usually wants to be at the weekend).

The thing is 8am may seem early to somebody with no young children, but many parents will have already kept their children quiet for at least 2 hours by 8am and it may not seem remotely early, esp if they'd be at their office by 8am on a work day - those same people who think 8am is too early often make noise that keeps the same young children awake at 9.30pm or 10.30pm on a school night - somehow that is OK, why? Its incredibly late for a primary school child who has to be up at 6am...

One person's too late, another's too early - why does one outweigh the other?

But yes, if people talked to each other a lot of the angst would be avoided!

MrTumbles obviously I know THAT.... But being a smart enough adult that is the line I would hear, and I would be right.

Love your name by the way...Mr Tumble ROCKS!

The Gardener is disturbing dear old Mrs Smith (who is home all day)'s regular afternoon nap you know different, AND he belts out songs from Glee while he mows, so loud and tunelessly he's positively screeching... Old Mrs S hates that, it's invasive and disruptive... but she doesn't say anything, because she's a tolerant type.

(OK that is purely argumentative fiction - but who says he isn't just as disruptive to somebody as children are with their annoying 8am singing)...