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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DH unreasonable to ask the neighbour's kids

525 replies

differenttoyou · 06/07/2014 23:22

to go inside at 9.40 this morning. There were 3 of them and they'd been outside on their trampoline (which buts right up to the fence) since 8.00 am singing at the top of their voices. Eventually we couldn't take it any longer as they started to sing a song from Frozen and they ramped up the volume until they were virtually screaming. DH called over the fence and asked them to go and sing inside.

OP posts:
Bouttimeforwine · 08/07/2014 09:09

fide
The adult had asked them to sing inside. It's not beyond the intelligence of most children to work out, that means if they are not singing they don't need to go inside.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 09:22

He called over the fence doesn't mean he didn't shout does it?

If they were screaming then I would imagine he would have had to shout.

But let's face it - who can sing at a virtual scream for an hour and half? They must have very sore throats. So I think a lot of the OP is hyperbole. And thus I doubt we'll get the truth when she updates either.

To par it down, he didn't like the sound of the kids playing. So instead of knocking on the door and addressing the problem like a adult, he shouted over the fence like a cowardly cunt.

I didn't say the kids should be out there at 8 am - I said the way the dh dealt with it was wrong.

Unfortunately as a neighbour, once you've behaved like a cunt it's very hard to pull that back and now he's dealing with the consequences - kids out there at 6.15am.

He should have knocked - then he might have had a positive result instead of the war he's got now.

aurynne · 08/07/2014 09:34

Mayhem, you think that a person who shouts over a fence to people making loud noise for over an hour is a cowardly cunt.

Well, I think that any parent who thinks it is a good idea to use their little children to start a neighbour's war that no one can win is an absolutely fucking useless and irresponsible parent. And an arrogant bastard too, for being unable to exert any self-criticism and adopting a "let's see who wins!" attitude instead of a constructive one.

There, you're not the only one able to use profanity :P

RiverTam · 08/07/2014 09:38

This reply has been deleted

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Stratter5 · 08/07/2014 09:42

Deranged

Bouttimeforwine · 08/07/2014 09:48

I think there is more chance of a neighbourly war starting if someone knocks on the door. Asking someone to sing indoors in a fairly pleasant tone, is fairly mild. Far too ott to go knocking on the door. That's likely to escalate things.

mayhem Shock

Mmeh · 08/07/2014 09:48

Mayhem your user name speaks for itself. I bet you're a joy to live next door to, I really do feel for everyone around you. This thread has clearly struck a nerve as you come across as one of those parents who considers their children as equals to you but above everyone else. Do you let them run around in restaurants too? Smile

Bouttimeforwine · 08/07/2014 09:51

Grin I suspect there could be a grain of truth in what mmeh says

Original poster
differenttoyou · 08/07/2014 09:52

Who said anything about a war. This happened two days ago, hardly enough time for a major escalation as the kids have been at school.

Would you like some more context, and this will out me completely if there is anyone on here who know me.

I grew up in Israel, my NDN husband is Israeli and the wife is Australian. The kids are used to being outside a lot of the time and we don't have a problem with that. We are used to doing things "over the fence". We are used to dropping in on each other with not much warning and we are used to telling each others kids off or asking them to behave in a more sociable manner. I wouldn't have a problem if they did the same thing. This was one particular occasion. I would have called over and asked them to pipe down a bit and explained why. Dh happened to get there before me and handled it differently.

Oh, and by the way, no kids outside early this morning for all those predicting warfare.

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 08/07/2014 10:04

This thread Shock.

To be completely honest, I'm surprised that people think it's acceptable to let their children 'sing' so loudly that they're shrieking in the garden for extended periods of time, let alone from 8am on a Sunday.

My parents would always keep an eye on us in the garden and would pop out to tell us to keep it down if we were being too noisy. Hardly remarkable.

I agree with the OP that her DH approached the situation incorrectly, but the general sentiment of not wanting the children to continue screeching at ear-splitting volumes for however long - well, I agree with that.

Flipflops7 · 08/07/2014 10:05

Bouttime, I agree, calling over the fence is much more normal. Knocking on a door is an escalation tool.

I think OP's husband should leave it alone for this week to see if the kids persist without provocation. If it goes on he can have a word with the parents at their door about reasonable times (screeching at 8am on Sunday is obviously unreasonable). If parents can be reasonable, fine, if not he would need to ask the letting agent/ owner to intervene.

People are entitled to a lie-in on Sundays and all parents should encourage societal norms in their kids for no better reason than they are reciprocal benefits, something a lot of self-styled free spirits fail to appreciate.

Mmeh · 08/07/2014 10:08

Grin @ '"self styled free spirits'

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:21

Decent people don't tell children to go inside.

Decent people talk politely to the parents.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:22

No my children sit politely in restaurants because they weren't raised by animals who yell across fences Wink

CuntCourtIsInSession · 08/07/2014 10:23

I think you WNBU, they sound incredibly annoying.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:24

Can I just repeat for those not clever enough to read the thread

I never said the children should have been playing out at 8am

Bouttimeforwine · 08/07/2014 10:25

You would get upset if any adult tells your child off for anything, wouldn't you? I tell friends children off and I'm happy for them to reciprocate. It takes a village and all that...

I can't stand all this "nobody must tell my precious little munchkins spoiled pain in the arses off, except me"

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:35

You can assume my children are spoilt misbehaved brats if it makes you feel better.

Last night at parents evening dd's teacher said she has "no negative comments to make and knows that whatever part of the school dd1 is on, that she will be behaving herself".

Dd1 has never sat in a time out (not even in nursery) and has never had to 'walk' with a teacher at playtime.

My children are taught right from wrong by their parents - we don't need a village thanks. My children wouldn't be out the back screaming for an hour and half - but then I don't believe any kid could scream for an hour and half non stop.

My point was that the husband dealt with it wrongly.

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 10:37

Maybe the teachers are afraid to say anything 'negative' about your children because they will be accused of bullying, intimidating or offending them Grin

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 10:39

Oh and what a coincidence you were told this about your children only last night, just when you needed a comment like that to bolster your argument.
I wonder what time this parents meeting was at Given you made regular posts throughout the evening on here?

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:39

Oh yes, dd1 really is outrageous at school but the teachers are too scared to mention it Hmm

The level of intelligence amazes me.

Waltermittythesequel · 08/07/2014 10:43

This thread is fucking unbelievable!

I love how presumambly rational and somewhat intelligent adults can't grasp the concept that asking the children to stop singing is infinitely preferable to telling them where they should play on their own fucking property.

And yes he 'asked'. He also would have HAD to shout if they'd been wailing that loudly. Would your dc blatantly ignore a shouting man? I know mine wouldn't. They'd shit themselves.

And, yes, if someone had a problem with the noise my children made I'd be mortified and would address it. I wouldn't let them out roaring at 8am on a Sunday morning.

But I'd sure as shit have a problem with them coming inside when I hadn't been made aware of a problem because yer man next door decided they couldn't play in their own garden!

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:44

4.15 vintage - would you like the schools phone number to double check?

While your there you can double check how good dd1 is Smile

And yes, it is that time of year for parents evenings. Do you have school aged children? Do you know how school work?

ScrambledSmegs · 08/07/2014 10:44

My point was that the husband dealt with it wrongly.

Then you agree with the OP, Mayhem.

TheLovelyBoots · 08/07/2014 10:44

Mayhem I assume there's lots of self-congratulatory stories of good behavior that could be posted on this thread, but have remained unsaid possibly owing to basic self-awareness.

As a guiding philosophy, I would encourage any adult to reasonably take my child to task for their infractions. This is the only way for them to learn how to deal with conflict.