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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DH unreasonable to ask the neighbour's kids

525 replies

differenttoyou · 06/07/2014 23:22

to go inside at 9.40 this morning. There were 3 of them and they'd been outside on their trampoline (which buts right up to the fence) since 8.00 am singing at the top of their voices. Eventually we couldn't take it any longer as they started to sing a song from Frozen and they ramped up the volume until they were virtually screaming. DH called over the fence and asked them to go and sing inside.

OP posts:
Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 10:46

Eh 4.15 isn't last night Mayhem.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:47

Oh god Vintage, you really are dense.

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 10:48

My mum had a neighbour like you. In the end neighbours and teachers just gave up complaining about her kids because all they got was silly defensive reactions and a complete denial that her little angels could possibly do anything wrong.
I'm not sure if she retained that view after the police picked them up a few times as anti social teenagers.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:49

Quite possibly Lovely bits, but from I can see it's only my children that have been accused of being split brats.

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 10:49

I think you'll find that namecalling is the last resort of someone who has run out of arguments Mayhem.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:51

The main difference there vintage is that I have never been approached by a teacher about my child's behaviour.

So have never been defensive.

Was it you that was arrested as a wild teen? It would explain a lot.

I repeat, do you have school aged children? You don't seem to know a lot about schools if you the teachers would lie to me about dd1s behaviour.

TheLovelyBoots · 08/07/2014 10:51

Lovely bits

thanks Smile

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:54

Vintage do really believe that teachers tell the parents of naughty children that their kids are well behaved?

Do you honestly believe this?

Have you ever been anywhere near a school?

Please let me there be a teacher on this thread!

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:56

Bloody phone!

I bet you do have lovely bits as well as lovely boots

grin

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 10:58

I'm so glad I stayed with this thread.

Vintage posts have actually made me Lol!!

Next time I go in to help out in dd1s class, I must ask the teacher if she is lying to me Grin

RiverTam · 08/07/2014 10:58

he probably had to shout to get their attention, but once he had it why assume he carried on shouting?

NDN DC:
OP's DH: Hi there? hello?
DC:
DH: Hi, sorry, would you mind taking it indoors if you want to keep singing? It's pretty loud. Thanks.
DC to their mum: NDN asked us to go inside if we wanted to keep singing?
Mum (if it was me): well, you've been out there for quite a while. Did he have to shout to get your attention . Then you were definitely being too loud. People like lie ins on a Sunday - I should have noticed and brought you in earlier. We'll apologise to them later. Right, who'd like to do ?

That's how I'm ready this, and I am still failing to see what the problem is. Worth calling someone a cunt over? Worth starting a war over? Only if you're completely deranged.

Nomama · 08/07/2014 11:01

Oh Tam!

You've ruined it now. How could you? I mean, just how could you?

Just going all sensible and stuff....

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 11:03

Exactly River. But some parents just get increasingly indignant and defensive the more that they're in the wrong. Anyone who has a word with their children about being noisy is a bully, anyone who doesn't agree with them is dense etc etc.

Thank God I have civilised neighbours who understand that not everyone think their kids are perfect, no matter what they get up to.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 11:04

That's a lot of assuming there Tam.

I don't think it was anything like that.

This man was angry after all

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 11:08

Well vintage you think teachers lie so we'very established your not the greatest judge of character

Waltermittythesequel · 08/07/2014 11:09

Tam you're assuming things and the OP hates that!

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 11:09

What I can't understand is the NDNs not being absolutely mortified that their children had to be asked to go inside by the neighbours because their shouting and screaming was so bad.
I'd have been around with an apology and a bottle of wine. Not ramping up some kind of war.

When I was a child kids were regularly told off by neighbours for minor misdemeanours when their parents weren't around to do it. No one made a big deal of it and we learnt a huge amount about what was and wasn't acceptable behaviour. We would also never have run to our parents complaining about it, because we would just have been told to behave ourselves and stop annoying the neighbours.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 11:14

Yes let's go back to the good ol days when children where seen and not heard.

Those days when children had to do as they were told and didn't have a voice.

That worked so well.

TheLovelyBoots · 08/07/2014 11:15

When I was a child kids were regularly told off by neighbours for minor misdemeanours when their parents weren't around to do it. No one made a big deal of it and we learnt a huge amount about what was and wasn't acceptable behaviour. We would also never have run to our parents complaining about it, because we would just have been told to behave ourselves and stop annoying the neighbours.

This matches my experience.

I find it very hard to calm my kids down once they've gone bonkers in the back garden. If someone yelled at them over the fence, it would really help me out.

RiverTam · 08/07/2014 11:17

it is possible to be angry about a situation but be able to speak calmly about it. Maybe not for you, Mayhem. And of course there are assumptions - I did say that that was how I read the situation. You have made some crazy assumptions on this thread. None of us bar the OP were there, and she said (how many fucking times does this need to be repeated??) that her DH called over the fence. Unlike you, I'm not extrapolating wildly from the situation as it has been presented (and presented by someone who thinks he was in the wrong, in fact).

The OP has said that she, her DH and the NDNs have an amicable relationship. So this is a friend of the family calling the DC out on their behaviour, that's all.

But you would start a war over this? Encourage your DC to behave vindictively to their NDNs? And you think he's the unreasonable one, the cowardly cunt?

Vintagejazz · 08/07/2014 11:18

I know Boots. It was amazing how a non family member telling you to quieten down would work instantly. It also gave you an awareness of how your behaviour impacted on people outside of your immediate environment.
Nowadays some children really aren't thought to think beyond their own garden fence and as a result probably grow into the kind of adults who think it's okay to have loud parties every weekend, leave their dogs out barking in the garden all night and generally behave with no consideration for anyone else.

Bring back a bit of the good old day common sense!

Waltermittythesequel · 08/07/2014 11:24

I do agree that another adult has more of an instant impact. But I think that stems from fear and I just don't think that's something to hanker after!

I don't want my dc afraid of the adults next door! I think that's horrible.

And this from someone who didn't kick off when, ironically, NDN called my son a cunt!

Waltermittythesequel · 08/07/2014 11:25

*and just to add, this wasn't after any sort of incident. This was during a random NDN chat when we were both in our front gardens.

He has mental health issues and is quite EA to his family.

Bouttimeforwine · 08/07/2014 11:29

I think you have got to the crux of the matter.

I think it is everyones responsibility to teach consideration for others.

mayhem I know you said you wouldn't be inconsiderate in the first place, but given that these children were allowed to be, then these particular parents weren't doing the job very well. There is no harm in gently pointing out how to be considerate to others by moving the singing indoors It wasn't telling off as such, it was pointing them in the right direction.

MayhemMostDays · 08/07/2014 11:30

I feel sorry for your neighbours if your relying on them to parent your dc.