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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my parents buy us a house?

134 replies

Anewmeanewname · 01/07/2014 15:06

We have been looking for a new house for a while, but have struggled to find anything meeting our requirements in terms of budget, location, no of bedrooms, garden etc.

My parents offered to help. DH then suggested a (to my mind) ridiculously grand property nearby that meets all our requirements, but that is also about £350k above our budget. I asked my dps about this house (in a rather joking way) & they've just offered to buy it for us outright.

This means we'll be able to keep our current property (the mortgage is almost paid off) as a rental property. This other house is a dream house, perfect location, massive garden, huge rooms etc. The children would have an amazing house to grow up in. Our current house is a 3 bed terrace - very nice throughout and in a lovely location, but only a courtyard garden and getting too small.

My parents are rich - giving us this money won't impact upon their lifestyle in any way.

However. I still feel grasping & uncomfortable. I've never asked them for anything before & have always been proud of what dh & I have managed to achieve on our own. On the other hand, this will give our dc the sort of childhood home we could never afford otherwise.

WIBU to accept the money?

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 01/07/2014 15:09

If they can afford it and happy to do so, then why not? I'm sure any parent who is able to will want to do this for their child.

HerRoyalNotness · 01/07/2014 15:12

I wouldn't accept from my mother because there would be strings attached, from my Dad yes.

If you parents have offered and are happy, go for it, and enjoy your lovely new home!! It sounds idyllic.

Trooperslane · 01/07/2014 15:12

Go for it.

This is sooo the opposite of the usual grabby threads.

Enjoy op Grin

Btw you all sound lovely Grin

nicename · 01/07/2014 15:14

Whose name will it be in (ie will it be 'protected' in case of marriage breakdown?). Sorry to be a voice of doom but I have seen families get into all sorts of twists about this.

Oif they are happy to, and there won't be any nonsense from siblings. Great. Check out the inheritance tax legalities. I think I heard that buying your kids a property was still counted.

What lovely folks!

ShineSmile · 01/07/2014 15:14

Go for it!

If I could do that for my children I would. Once they have learnt how to get about on their own feet, and you obviously have.

BuilderMammy · 01/07/2014 15:14

Agreed that you all sound lovely : )

Accept graciously on the understanding that you'll do similar for your own kids if you can. That's how I made peace with 2 days' free childcare a week from my folks!

HeeHiles · 01/07/2014 15:14

I'd be biting their hand off!

Jellibelli · 01/07/2014 15:15

Don't forget to factor in the running costs of a big amazing house.

Needadvice5 · 01/07/2014 15:16

How lovely! they sound very generous.

ZanyMobster · 01/07/2014 15:33

I would definitely accept, there would be no strings attached if it was my parents so it wouldn't be a problem.

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2014 15:37

Go for it as long as there are no strings attached

Bearbehind · 01/07/2014 15:40

If it is exactly as it appears then go for it.

Do you have any siblings? Have or would your parents given them a similar sum?

PeppermintInfusion · 01/07/2014 15:40

If they are wealthy this is maybe a way for them to pass on your inheritance early to avoid inheritance tax etc and they probably want to see you enjoy it.

As long as there are no strings attached, I would go for it!

As pp said, it may be a good idea to r sure it is 'protected' legally, I'm the event of separation etc.

PeachyParisian · 01/07/2014 15:44

Agree with everyone about strings. If there's ever something your parents want you to do and you don't do it they will be holding this over your head. Is there anyway they could buy it and you repay them?

How does your DH feel about the offer?

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 01/07/2014 15:45

Surely you would be getting a chunk of money as inheritance at some point anyway? If they don't need the money surely it's better it being passed on when you can make good use of it (and also avoiding tax as mentioned).

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 01/07/2014 15:47

How fantastic! Go for it OP (and invite us round for a snoop) Smile

LaurieFairyCake · 01/07/2014 15:53

Depends why they're wealthy.

I wouldn't have accepted a house/money from my lot as they got theirs through criminal activity or exploiting others.

If they've got their money by running a business that pays fair wages and they've paid all their taxes without avoidance then fine Smile

RiverTam · 01/07/2014 15:59

yep, agree about strings attached (who's name will the house be in ) and what to do in case of marriage breakdown (sorry).

Otherwise, sure, why not? My mum's not well-off enough to do something like that, but she's pretty comfortable and her view is that we might as well benefit now, when we have a young family.

AMumInScotland · 01/07/2014 16:00

Do you have siblings? If so, I'd want to get your parents to modify their wills to take account of such a large gift so as to be fair.

And I'd echo the points others have made - are there likely to be strings? How would your husband really feel about it? Can you afford the bills - large rooms cost more to heat, the council tax band etc will be higher, might you need someone to help in the garden?

OTOH are there other houses that are only a bit above budget that they could help you out with if this feels too much?

glasgowstevenagain · 01/07/2014 16:14

350 k above your budget!

sounds lovely!

But whose name will it be in.

yours (alone)

Theirs

Both of yours...

if its in joint names and paid off and you divorce....he gets half a house!

RockandRollsuicide · 01/07/2014 16:15

Money money money.

would you do this for your children?

I would....life is short, must quote again, heard will boyd say something like : life is a chink of light in between two endless dark voids, grasp love"

grasp life too.

you feel grabby but you know you are not...so you want to continue living in a house that is impacting on you...instead of a dream house that would improve all your lives?

grab it, we are not on this earth for ever....

grab it BUT....ask them what terms and conditions...is this like early inheritance. will both your names be on deeds etc..will they want paying back, are they trust worthy, likely to keep their word?

If i had money to do this would much rather be alive and see my dc benfiting from my money than be long dead!

Original poster
Anewmeanewname · 01/07/2014 16:18

Thanks for all your lovely comments! I have to say I'm feeling quite relieved, as I was expecting some criticism. Possibly projecting my own guilt/awkwardness about the situation. When I think about my dc, I know it's the sort of thing I would love to be able to do for them one day, so thinking about it that way definitely helps.

To answer some of the questions, no, there won't be any conditions, my parents are very laid back -they aren't controlling or interfering in any way. My DM did say that "of course" the house should go in both my & dh's name, although I don't think dh would mind either way.

I do have 2 siblings, but they both have very lucrative careers and are much better off than us, so have never needed any help like this. I don't think either of them would object, but I would expect that this gift should certainly be deducted from my share of any inheritance.

Thanks again for all your comments, you've really made me feel so much better :)

OP posts:
zzzzz · 01/07/2014 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glasgowstevenagain · 01/07/2014 16:22

Unless they are millionaires I would expect they may have an issue with you getting given a 5/600 k house? ++

surely

HillyHolbrook · 01/07/2014 16:23

I'd take them up!

They sound lovely and so do you- if you've asked them for nothing before then let them! Just be sure to invite them for snazzy dinners at your amazing new homeGrin

It's so wonderful that they'd do this for you! You lucky thingWink

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