To let my parents buy us a house?

[Anewmeanewname]

We have been looking for a new house for a while, but have struggled to find anything meeting our requirements in terms of budget, location, no of bedrooms, garden etc.

My parents offered to help. DH then suggested a (to my mind) ridiculously grand property nearby that meets all our requirements, but that is also about £350k above our budget. I asked my dps about this house (in a rather joking way) & they've just offered to buy it for us outright.

This means we'll be able to keep our current property (the mortgage is almost paid off) as a rental property. This other house is a dream house, perfect location, massive garden, huge rooms etc. The children would have an amazing house to grow up in. Our current house is a 3 bed terrace - very nice throughout and in a lovely location, but only a courtyard garden and getting too small.

My parents are rich - giving us this money won't impact upon their lifestyle in any way.

However. I still feel grasping & uncomfortable. I've never asked them for anything before & have always been proud of what dh & I have managed to achieve on our own. On the other hand, this will give our dc the sort of childhood home we could never afford otherwise.

WIBU to accept the money?

Wow! £350k above your budget!

I would be laughing if I had £350k for a house.

Go for it.

What lovely parents you have.

Accept, but don't rent out your old house. That would be profiteering from your own good luck. Just sell it (and maybe give a good wodge of the profits to charity?).

Why wouldn't you believe it happy? Plenty of people have a lot of money.

Your siblings will mind.

OP takes gift, OP dies, DH inherits, remarries and the new (younger) step parent has 3 kids who when the DH dies she leaves everything to

I am sure there are other ways to secure cash in event of ops death...than totally treating her DH like someone who will do this...and cutting him out and treating him like a cold hearted theif.

Why don't you say "Oh that is wonderfully generous but really all we need is £50,000 or £100,000" or whatever it is you need to find something you like? I possibly have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about scenarios like this, but I do find it incredibly infantalising when adult children accept a lot of help from parents (financial or otherwise).

What happened to standing on your own two/four feet?

notmadeofrib ( like your name BTW)
(Joint names/own name means nothing, you would need something else)

On fiance threads people were complaining that it did make a difference because dh had left and because their name not on house the mort compnay wouldnt talk to them about paying even though they were paying half etc.

This thread was written to annoy people I believe as the fact the op has apparently got a mortgage free home already

Really? I dont see annoyed people I see people congratulting her and wishing her well....I had to check myself this was MN, being so nice to someone who has such good fortune...then your post came along

What a lovely offer. If your parents generosity is just that - generosity - then pay them the compliment of graciously accepting it, and give them the pleasure of seeing their grandchildren taken care of.

I would probably:
Ask them to be fair to your siblings in the arrangements overall
Possibly explore the advantages of giving the house to your children, in trust (for tax and in case of marriage breakdown) (but you don't have to mention the breakdown bit)

I am a teeny bit uncomfortable that once your (obviously wealthy) parents offered to help your DH then suggested a 'ridiculously grand' house that was so much above budget. I'm not sure it is you who should be feeling 'grasping and uncomfortable'.

If my ILs offered to buy a huge house outright I would actually suggest that it be given in trust to my DC / my ILs grandchildren.

Well that's a lovely caring sentiment rockandroll, but I think the last time I checked 42% of marriages end in divorce

But is it any wonder, we see this al the time on MN dh wont add me to the deeds and so on, people are getting married when they dont seem to fundamentally trust each other which can be more corrosive to a relationship than anything else!

Maybe if people only married people they wanted to share assests with, there would be less marriages and less divroce?

however I do agree with intergenerational things.

I'd let them buy the house but give them the monthly rental income from your mortgaged house.

Seems fair enough?

The op did say they stood on their own feet till now and they could continue to do so. It is a gift! I would be a bit gutted id my kids did not accept a gift from me.

I sense a lot of envy here...

"OP takes gift, OP dies, DH inherits, remarries and the new (younger) step parent has 3 kids who when the DH dies she leaves everything to. "

Yup - a friend of mine has inherited not a penny from either of her parents because step parents re-channeled everything. And she lives a frugal life in a council flat while her step siblings lounge about on valuable classic furniture that her aunt left to her Dad.... The step siblings ahve the lot. Money, houses, furniture, items of sentimental value.

rockandroll

Ah, I mean it wouldn't mean anything once it hit a court. Practicality wise yes being able to talk to the mortgage co etc is a very real issue.

As for the divorce issue, perhaps I've seen too many very nice people act like twunts during the division of assets to believe that goodwill lasts.

Charm, I thought the same thing. When OP's DH heard about the offer he found this expensive house. Any decent DH should be more than happy with the house being left in trust for his children so that their financial future is secured. If he wasn't happy with that, I'd be very wary.

My DH is, along with his siblings, a partner in a family business that his father created. It's set up so that no wives/husband can stake a claim on it and dilute the business. I'm happy with that and don't see it as a lack of love/trust/commitment, more a sensible thing to do. It ultimately benefits my son, who would inherit, and that's what's important.

Yes, my charming step mother is leaving everything from my dad to her three children when she dies.

It really does happen!

Your siblings will mind!

This scenario was mooted a few months ago - MIL was offering to buy DH's youngest sibling a house outright just because the sibling couldn't afford it/get a mortgage despite a sizeable deposit due to low paid PT earnings (their deliberate choice). The other remaining DC (2 of them) would get nothing on the grounds that they were already homeowners (albeit with fairly large mortgages and no help with their deposits in the past).

There are no special circumstances apart from the sibling being the favoured youngest. To make things worse, in the eyes of the elder 2 siblings, the favoured one is single, have no dependants and is still financially dependant on MIL despite being 30 yrs old.

Well...the shit hit the fan and an almighty row ensued where all past resentments came to the fore (as they do). Family relationships have deteriorated since. There is no pretence now - it is all very sad to observe.

Who wouldn't like a dream house for free? AND you get to keep your existing house with its rental income plus capital growth. I bet you that your siblings would mind - unless your parents give them the exact same sum now. Future inheritances mean very little - a lot can/will happen between now and then.

If you decide to accept can you not sell the home your in and put the money from that towards the new house, then you will be contributing something. I personally wouldn't take money from my parents and I know DH wouldn't either. Has just never felt right to me. Everything DH and I have done we have done alone and although we don't have much, its ours (and the banks). It will be paid off in the next couple of years. I think that there are lessons to be learnt in life and scrimping and saving is part of it.
No matter how rich or nice or laid back they are there will be a price to pay in some shape or form somewhere down the line. Maybe they are counting on you looking after them when they are older and cant attend to their own needs rather than putting them in a home etc. Maybe they want some say in your childrens upbringing. As another poster said, you will feel controlled by them in a way as to what you spend your money on forever after. I would also think siblings will definitely want equal amounts out of fairness. The amount of families that fall out and never talk again when parents die and wills are read is huge. People can be very funny (not in a good way) when it comes to money.

Also would you want your children to grow up thinking that life is easy and that if you want something it will be given to you or do you want them to learn that you have to work hard to get what you would like.

What seems like an easy choice is actually quite difficult isn't it. Good luck with it all though.

No reason not to take it as part of your inheritance as long as everybody knows that's what it is and therefore you get the legalities sorted out in the event of death and divorce. It may be that your parents would like to leave some of their wealth to their children in law as well as to their own children. If that's the case and your sibling's partners will also inherit then there's no reason why dh can't be named as part owner of the house.

My grandad remarried at the grand age of 85 within 6 mths of my grandmother's death (to his mistress who was a few years older than me, his granddaughter!). He died 2 yrs later and his entire estate which was worth a few million went to his 2nd wife including my grandmother's house and jewellery which she had inherited from her side of the family. All the sentimental photo's and possessions went to a stranger. My mother isn't at all bitter but my aunt certainly is!

Bet your DH knew exactly what he was doing when he 'jokingly' mentioned the house to his in-laws...!

happy362, I'm really sorry if I've annoyed you, but I can understand why, which is partly what the thread is all about, I suppose. It is a genuine thread. I only provided the additional information to give as complete a picture as possible.

I am worried that IABU grasping and greedy in accepting such a big gift - reading some of the comments in the media today about Rolf Harris' daughter and her letter about her inheritance, has definitely given me pause for thought.

My situation is different. I have always prided myself on being independent, from a very early age. Yes, our mortgage is (almost) paid off, but DH and I are both in our early 40's and certainly never planned to take on another big mortgage now. It was only when we really started looking that we realised the sorts of houses we had hoped to consider were just out of our reach.

Thanks to those who suggested that my siblings should be consulted. Yes, my parents could afford to do the same for them, and I will talk to them about this. The last thing I would want is ill-feeling in the family, and actually one of my siblings, who lives abroad, could potentially be upset about this if not consulted first, so it should be sorted

There were also some really helpful points about the ethics of keeping our current house to rent. This has all happened quite suddenly, so I haven't really given this aspect much thought so far. The idea of keeping the house as an investment for the dc appealed on a sentimental level, as we're all attached to the house. Renting it at a low price to a nice family sounds perfect, although selling it and giving my parents the money would probably be the most mature thing to do.

As for keeping dh of the deeds, setting up trusts etc, tbh I'm not so keen. DH and I have always shared everything, neither of us has ever been particularly mercenary, and if we were to split up one day and I lost half, well, so be it. If it came to that, the house would probably be the least of my worries!

Thanks again so much for all your comments, it is really helping me to chew things over.

Have I just read the OPs post in the beginning correctly. Your parents offered to help so your husband then found this very expensive house that is way out of your price range and then you told your parents of it and they said they would buy it? I hadn't realised that it happened quite like that.

if we were to split up one day and I lost half, well, so be it.

I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be saying that if you'd struggled to buy it with your own money and I'd also be surprised if your parents would appreciate that sentiment