To let my parents buy us a house?

[Anewmeanewname]

We have been looking for a new house for a while, but have struggled to find anything meeting our requirements in terms of budget, location, no of bedrooms, garden etc.

My parents offered to help. DH then suggested a (to my mind) ridiculously grand property nearby that meets all our requirements, but that is also about £350k above our budget. I asked my dps about this house (in a rather joking way) & they've just offered to buy it for us outright.

This means we'll be able to keep our current property (the mortgage is almost paid off) as a rental property. This other house is a dream house, perfect location, massive garden, huge rooms etc. The children would have an amazing house to grow up in. Our current house is a 3 bed terrace - very nice throughout and in a lovely location, but only a courtyard garden and getting too small.

My parents are rich - giving us this money won't impact upon their lifestyle in any way.

However. I still feel grasping & uncomfortable. I've never asked them for anything before & have always been proud of what dh & I have managed to achieve on our own. On the other hand, this will give our dc the sort of childhood home we could never afford otherwise.

WIBU to accept the money?

gertiegusset can you honestly say that if one of your siblings was given, what must be well over, half a million pounds by your parents, you'd consider it absolutely fine that you didn't get to hear about it as its 'private business'

I am a bit shocked at all the posts about how to avoid anything falling on the dh's hands if they divorce when this is not that kind of thread at all. Very inappropriate imo.

Surely when you get married you agree to share everthing? When the roles are reversed everyone is quick to tell the wife to make sure she gets legal advice...

Why not? If they are rich and generous and as long as there are no strings attached.

I would consider what would happen should you ever get divorced though. How would your parents feel about DH getting 50% of it in that situation?

Of course you should accept. It will give your parents much pleasure to see you and your family living in comfort and without financial stress.

The whole point of being a family is to support and help each other, and no doubt you will aim to be as kind and generous to your own children as your parents are to you.

Wishing you and your family every happiness in your new home.

Not all siblings fight over money. I'd be very happy for my brother to get some money now, if they came our way, so that he could have some security which I already have.

I agree they should all talk it through but to start off this negative is offputting.

Agree with you Tim downling. It would be a joint asset and in bot names.
Our house is bought with MY inheritance, and actually my name isn't on the mortgage because as I don't woke it affected the rate (or something) marriage is about trust IMO

yes good points squabble bear and glasgow about the siblings position.

siblings getting a greater share of inheritance is not the same as a gift now, due to the uncertainty attached to inheritance (parents might need expensive care).

siblings may be better off now but that may change eg what if they get ill, get divorced, etc.

siblings may reckon that you could have been just as well off if you'd made the same life choices they did (I don't know your circumstances) so why should you get more just because you now earn less.

etc.

In theory of course it's entirely up to the parents what they do with their money, but most parents wouldn't want to cause resentment between their children.

So... can your parents give the same amount to your siblings - if not now then soon?

shouldhavemarried

I can see your point, but how about it this way.

OP takes gift, OP dies, DH inherits, remarries and the new (younger) step parent has 3 kids who when the DH dies she leaves everything to.

I've just dealt with EXACTLY that scenario with a client who was one of the original DC and got nothing. Sounds like a bad film, but life can be worse.

Bloodline protection is as good a reason to protect the money as anything else.

TimDowling it sounds as if the OP already has plenty of financial security - just not as rich as her siblings.

It would be different if she was really struggling but it doesn't sound like she is.

Go for it! Lucky you. My parents are also very well off and are very generous in helping towards our house renovation costs. I do feel odd about it but they want to spend their hard earned money on their children and grandchildren as well as themselves and any worries I have about being a scrounger are met with a "Oh shut up and don't be so stupid!" . I hope I am well off enough to help my children some day. I admire my parents generosity which is in stark contrast to my FIL would sits on his money like he is going to be able to take it with him.

Notmade, you are so right. I have a flat bought before I met DH. It's now mortgage free (thanks to DH). I'll be leaving it in trust to our DS. DH is superstitious about wills so I cannot leave it to chance that I die, he remarries, doesn't make a will or leaves it all to his new wife trusting that she takes care of DS.

How very lovely!

Take it! Enjoy it! Be thank ful for your good fortune!

(Ie, stop dithering, get the offer in)

When I was with my first husband, his parents loaned us quite a large sum to help us get our first home.
I always felt uncomfortable when purchasing anything frivolous such as a holiday or manicure.
I also felt very embarrassed when with siblings- in-laws because they didn't get the same offer.
It was a constant undertone.

I know this is different, because this isn't a loan, and you believe your siblings won't mind.

But I just wanted to highlight how this might affect relationships.

I would snatch their bloody hands off. And am very jealous OP - we are currently in the position of having to support two sets of parents, our children and ourselves - not fun for anyone.

Go for it with bells on however Look into the best way to have it with a solicitor. I would suggest that it's your parents money so therefore it shouldn't be in your dh name because you're not risking your cash if the marriage broke down you're risking your parents - which is a very different thing. Perhaps look at it being in their name or your dc names in trust with a lifetime occupation clause in your favour? A solicitor can advise you on the options.

Not trying to be a doomsayer because you sound like a very close couple just think that everyone needs try to examine all possibilities to save future pain for everyone.

I personally wouldn't especially as you already have a house of your own. You would forever be in their debt and that is not a good thing re future relationships.

I think I would aim to make my own money to buy my dream house if it meant so much to me that I had to have it or I would settle and be happy with what I had.

It doesn't matter how successful your siblings are either -if they aren't gifted the same it will cause resentment.

notmadeofrib I see your point but there could be lots of scenarios like that, even a much more simpler one: dh gambles it all away. Marriage is a gamble, as much as life itself is.
Of course it is up to the DPs to decide whether house goes to dh or not but I'd feel a bit miffed if it was coming from my partner. I would see it as lack of trust, lack of commitment, lack of love.

...don't suppose they want to adopt? I'm lovely. Kind to the servants, accomplished at needlepoint, can balance not one, not two, but THREE books on my head...

Seriously though, take it. Have a lovely life.

Milmingebag why not? Why not accept a gift from your own parents? What should the OP do, wait for the inheritance? Or give that to charity when it'll come her way?

shouldhavemarried a trust protects the asset from gambling too
but yes this direction/protection must come from the parents.

I think you should totally accept it. It would be wonderful for your family.

But I also think you should think of other families and instead of keeping your current house as a rental income, you should put it on the market for sale so that other families have a chance to own their own home. If everyone kept their old house as a rental, young families in the UK will all be forced to rent, with no security in their later years, which it looks as though you will have in spades. Pass the good down :)

My grandfather did this. He put the house in mums name (his DD). And it was a lot bigger than his own house.

She is still there nearly 60 years later!

Grandad also bought his parents house for them. He was a "boy made good" through hard work and wAnted to look after his family.

Lucky you! If you can accept without making anyone unhappy, do so. Or sell your existing house to reduce the size of the gift?
If you decide to rent it out, why not share the love by renting it cheap and longterm to a family who don't have rich parents.

I don't believe a single word of this op to be honest. Lol

I have insisted my inheritance is passed to a childrens' charity and that has been written into the will.

I am happy with the things I am lucky enough to have already that my DH and I have achieved together. It is so easy to get wrapped up in wanting more 'stuff' but if you have a home and it is furnished etc then you have enough.

If you were homeless / renting /doing a socially responsible job that didn't pay you enough to allow you to buy your own home then I think it would be a different situation altogether but heavily hinting to wealthy parents that you want a really expensive house which you know you can't afford is off.